


Bury My Heart in Stardew Valley

by VaultBunny (Spinning_Hatter)



Series: Bury My Heart in Stardew Valley [1]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Graphic Violence, Gun Violence, Healing, I Mean It Like...Super Dark Themes, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Police Brutality, Romance, Romantically Awkward Sebastian, Sadistic Abuser, Slow Burn, Socially Awkward Sebastian, Switching POV’S, Weapon Violence, blue on blue violence, dark themes, mature content, physical violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-30 06:32:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 51,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15091049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spinning_Hatter/pseuds/VaultBunny
Summary: Lilah Casey is alive. Every morning she reminds herself that she is a survivor. The bruises heal, the bones mend, but the scars remain a constant reminder of the 5 years wasted bleeding, sobbing, and praying for an end.Finding that old key gave her courage. Buying that bus ticket gave her freedom. Now, a small town in Stardew Valley can give her peace.





	1. You Can Run...

     Zuzu City bus depot had always been a bustling hub of activity. Catering to a menagerie of passengers from eccentrically dressed youth to impatient businessmen eager to return home from their 9 to 5, it was easy to miss the single patron sitting on a bench and not clamoring for her spot on the bus. Lilah Casey was no stranger to public transportation—she had used this very depot more times than she could count—but the atmosphere felt wrong. Dark, oppressive, as though the Devil would emerge from the crowd and wrap taloned fingers around her throat. Lilah removed her backpack and set it next to her on the metal bench, trying to calm her rapid heartbeat as bus after bus rolled in and away with the hours.  
  
_If you feel guilty about it, you're probably doing the wrong thing._  
  
     Her mother's words echoed in the back of her mind and Lilah clutched her bus ticket to her chest. The smooth slip of paper felt heavy—as heavy as the rusty key weighing down her jacket pocket. She tried not to dwell on the coldness in the pit of her stomach as the last of the other passengers disappeared into their respective buses with a hiss of hydraulics.  
  
     The vibration of her phone buzzed down her thigh, alerting her to an incoming phone call. Lilah yelped at the sensation, shame heating her face. She knew the caller before she wrestled the phone from her pocket—there was only one name in her contact list and, sure enough, it was emblazoned on the screen.

INCOMING CALL:

EMERY ROWE

     Lilah stared at the screen, her mind screaming for her to answer but her bruised ribs and split lip kept her thumb hovering over the screen until the name was overtaken by a banner declaring ONE MISSED CALL. Adrenaline shot through her veins and a manic giggle bubbled up in her chest. She couldn't remember if she'd ever so blatantly ignored Emery's calls before, but it gave her a rush—a thrill not unlike a child sneaking treats before dinner and getting away with it. But, the phone rang again and the familiar blood-chilling survival instinct kicked in. Her thumb reflexively swiped to answer before she could stop it and her throat constricted.

  
     "Where are you?"

     No pleasantries, no preamble. Emery's voice was sharpened to kill like a panther stalking through the jungle, eyes already zeroing in on its prey. Lilah opened her mouth but couldn't bring herself to speak. She couldn't lie, but she couldn't tell him the truth. Silence was the only option before everything was ruined. 

  
     "Lilah, where the _fuck_ are you?" Emery's tone dropped dangerously low.  
  
     "I'm...I'm on my way home," Lilah would have said anything to appease the rage that she knew must be boiling inside of him.  
  
     "Do you want to try that again?"  
  
     "What?"  
  
     "You know what happens when you lie to me, baby."  
  
     Lilah's ribs throbbed.  
  
     Emery went silent for a moment, allowing the weight of his words to sink in before he asked, "What bus are you waiting for?"  
  
     Lilah jumped up from the bench and looked around. She didn't see anyone familiar, nor did she see Emery's sleek black coupe on the surrounding streets. She glanced at her phone, realization crashing into her like a freight train.  
  
     The GPS.  
  
     "Don't you dare move. I'm coming to get you," Emery warned.  
  
     "Fuck you." The words came out faster than Lilah could stop them, but they strangled in her dry throat to the point where it was almost a whisper.  
  
     "What did you say?"  
  
     " _Fuck you_!" Lilah roared, throwing the phone with so much force that her shoulder burned. The sound of the touchscreen cracking was louder than thunder in the emptied depot and Lilah watched as the backlight died out. She stared at the phone for a long moment. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she couldn't catch her breath, as though she had just run a marathon.  
  
     But, it was too late. Emery already knew where she was. She covered her face and sobbed.  
  
      _I need to apologize!_ Her frantic mind warned. If she apologized, Emery might take it easy on her. She could tell him she was confused, drunk, high, anything Emery wanted to hear.  
  
     "Shit, shit, shit," Lilah rushed over to the curb but fell back as a bus swerved into the depot, narrowly missing her outstretched arm and running the cellphone over with its front wheel. If it hadn't been broken before, it certainly was now. Lilah sat on her haunches, pale from the close call and mouth agape as the doors hissed open and a heavy-set blonde woman glared at her from the driver's seat.  
  
     "Stardew Valley?" Her voice was gruff in the way that only decades of smoking could create. She held a lit cigarette to her thin lips while she glowered down from her seat. Lilah looked stupidly at the ticket still clutched in her left hand. The ink printed on its face had smudged slightly from her sweating palms, but it was still legible.

  
ONE WAY:

STARDEW VALLEY

DEPARTURE: 21:00

     "Yeah," Lilah replied, hoarse. "Ehm, yeah, I am."  
  
     "Well, hurry it up, kid! I don't have all night," The driver growled.  
  
     Lilah gulped and scrambled to her feet. She started up the steps, then stopped and rushed back to the bench to retrieve her backpack before presenting her sweaty ticket. The bus driver clicked her tongue and shook her head.  
  
     "Just sit down, kid. Let's go," She said, but her voice softened slightly. Her gaze lingered a moment too long on Lilah's tear-streaked makeup and she fought back the urge to make an excuse, settling for a curt nod instead. She took a seat in the front and hugged her bag to her chest. She stared out the window as the bus closed its doors, the remains of her shattered cell phone unrecognizable in the reflection of the sideview mirror as they rolled away from the platform.  
  
     It wasn't until Zuzu City was a faint glow in the background that Lilah felt her shoulders relax. Everything felt so surreal and she couldn't quite determine how she felt. Relief and panic waged war in her brain. She wondered if she could really survive without Emery. For all the bruises and broken bones, she'd never gone hungry or cold...but no. Lilah dug the heels of her hands over her eyes and took a deep breath through her nose.  
  
     "This isn't love," she whispered to herself. "This isn't love."  
  
     "What's that, kid?" The driver barked, not maliciously.  
  
     "Nothing, sorry. Just...talking to myself," Lilah sighed and pulled her hands away from her face. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the key, weighing it in her palm as she thought. She'd only met her grandfather a handful of times as a child, but on his deathbed he still presented Lilah the sealed envelope with the promise that it would save her one day. Lilah wasn't sure if this was what Gramps had in mind, but he had been right in the end. If she hadn't found the old letter in her closet, Lilah had no doubt that she'd be dead soon too.  
  
     When she opened the envelope, there had been two keys. One undoubtedly to a front door and another much smaller and definitely more modern. The letter he wrote bequeathed her a small farmhouse in a town miles upon miles away from the city. Lilah had never been on a farm in her life, but in her heart she knew it couldn't be worse than where she was.

* * *

  
  
     The name on the deed was "Haven Farm" and Lilah thought the name fitting for her purposes. What awaited her, however, was not exactly as she envisioned. The grounds were overrun by weeds, trees, and rubble. It appeared to have become a dumping ground for items of disrepair, as a refrigerator, washing machine, and several other appliances littered the area as well.  A small, dilapidated shack was sequestered behind a wall of gnarled weeds and felled trees. Lilah climbed over the branches, up the porch steps. Several holes littered the wood and she briefly worried over the integrity of the porch as she slipped the old key from her pocket and inserted it into the lock.  
  
     It didn't turn.  
  
     Lilah tried once more, to no avail, and dissolved into miserable laughter. Of course she would have come all this way to sleep in the bramble and the brush. Half heartedly, she gripped the doorknob and twisted. The door clicked, pushed inward with ease, and her knees almost gave out with relief. She wondered briefly if the cottage had been looted after Gramps's death, but hoped Stardew Valley was different from the city in that respect.  
  
      The interior was dark, the slight sliver of moonlight peeked through dusted-over windows and the crack through the door, but it wasn't enough to bring the room to life. A faint glow caught her eye from the corner and she squinted through the dark to see a small flame above the floor near a fireplace. She frowned and took a hesitant step forward, dumping her backpack on the floor.  
  
      It was difficult to see in the low lighting but she carefully made her way over. It was a tall, deep purple candle set in a small silver candlestick. The wick was still long, so it was new. Whoever left it hadn't been gone for long and Lilah's stomach churned. She lifted it up, briefly wondering what kind of person would have snuck in. Whoever it was, it didn't seem like they'd caused any damage. In Zuzu City, she'd heard of people that explored abandoned buildings for the fun of it—old hospitals and abandoned construction projects that ran out of funding too quickly. Though, she didn't see the appeal of exploring the jungle outside her door.  
  
      "Son of a bitch!"  Lilah stumbled, her foot sliding dangerously on the floor as though it was encased in ice. Heart pounding, she held the candle's light down near her boot. A Ouija board branded by her muddy footprint rested in the dust on the floor, gazing up at her with more questions than answers. The room dropped in temperature and Lilah gulped. She cautiously stepped over the board to the fireplace and lit some old wood that sat in the ash.  
  
     The small cabin was illuminated, bathing her with warmth and revealing furniture covered in old, dusty sheets. She set the candle on the mantle and picked up the board and planchette. It was handmade, a thin plank of wood with the letters burned into the face and the planchette was just the lense from a magnifying glass. She dusted off the mud from the face of the board, as much as it creeped her out, the board was obviously well loved by its owner. Lilah set it down on an old oak table by the fireplace and turned her attention to the room.  
  
     Hopefully, the sheets covering the furniture protected them somewhat but she didn't have high expectations. She whipped the sheet from the bed in the corner and inspected the mattress. A cloud of dust puffed up around Lilah's feet as she dropped the sheet, but the bed itself looked acceptable enough. A wrap of plastic protected the linens and she sighed in relief that she could at least try and get a good night's rest before tackling the cleaning in the morning.  
  
_"Achoo!"_  
  
     "What the hell?!" Lilah scrambled away from the bed and another sneeze came from beneath it. She ran to the fireplace and snatched the iron poker from its stand. She held it out, pointed end aimed at the bed.  
  
     "I'm sorry!" A female voice called out and a head of purple hair poked out from under the bed. The girl crawled out, a layer of dust sticking to her clothes and she threw her hands up when she saw the weapon pointed at her. "Please don't hurt me! I didn't know anyone was living here!"  
  
     Lilah lowered the poker. The girl looked like a teenager, eighteen at the most. Her gothic style explained the dark colored candles and the board game.  
  
     "No one has lived here for a while. It was my grandpa's place...what were you doing down there?" Lilah asked.  
  
     "I heard someone outside and I hid," The girl said. "I thought you were my dad."  
  
     "Does your dad know breaking and entering is a hobby of yours?"  
  
     The intruder blushed, or it could have just been a trick of the fire's light.  
  
     "It's not that. There's a story about this place. The man who lived here buried a treasure somewhere and I was just...well."  
  
     Not just trying to contact ghosts, but Gramps's ghost. The idea put a sour taste in her mouth but the kid looked cowed enough without being reprimanded further.  
  
     "Well, you're not going to talk to him here. All that's left here is some dust and probably some squirrels. If I were him, my ghost would go somewhere tropical."  
  
     "I haven't tried the beach," she murmured.  
  
     "That was a joke...never mind. Look, sorry I scared you. I'm Lilah."  
  
     "Abigail. Are you the new farmer, then?"  
  
     "Something like that." Lilah picked up the Ouija board and held it out.  
  
     "Cool, everyone's been talking about you," Abigail hugged the board to her chest and shifted. "Uhm, I'm sorry that I snuck in. My dad owns the store in town, if you need anything. I think he'll be happy to have a new customer."  
  
     Lilah looked around the mess of a cottage and nodded. She didn't need a Ouija board to foresee a bit of shopping in her future.  
  
     "Thanks, I'll stop by. But for now, I really need some sleep." Lilah escorted Abigail to the door with her candle lighting the way.  
  
     "See you around, Lilah."  
  
     "Hopefully during daytime," Lilah teased, handing the candle over. Abigail smiled and took it. She climbed through the brush to the main road and Lilah kept her eyes on the faint glow until it disappeared. It wasn't how she expected her first night to go, but she liked the quirky teen. Maybe Stardew Valley wouldn't be as scary as she'd once thought.  
  
     Lilah shut the door, relieved that the lock didn't appear to be broken and slid into place easily. She slid on the chain just for good measure and wobbled over to the bed, exhaustion leadening her steps. She didn't even bother to kick off her shoes before collapsing onto the plastic-wrapped bed and closing her eyes.  
  
     There was no going back after tonight. Emery wouldn't follow her all the way out here even if he knew it existed.  
  
     Who knew that freedom smelled like dust bunnies and firewood?


	2. Nothing Ever Happens in Stardew Valley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USA National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)//1.800.787.3224 (TTY)

     Pelican Town was a nightmare. Mundane, secluded, Sebastian was surprised they even had indoor plumbing with how off the grid his hometown was, much less any internet connection. His stepfather was to thank for that, he supposed. Demetrius was a genius in comparison to the rest of the population and helped most of the town become more modern within the first couple years he’d moved in. Sebastian’s mother, Robin, had fallen for him almost at first sight while he set up a computerized system for her carpentry business, but Sebastian hadn’t really understood then—nor did he now—how she could have fallen in love with the man so soon. Regardless, he supposed if Demetrius hadn’t passed down his old laptop nearly 10 years ago, Sebastian may never have found his calling.

 

      His fingers danced across the keyboard, lines of code racing across his computer screen as fast as his eyes could follow. That old laptop was a relic—his new setup was much more efficient for his line of work, but his love for technology had certainly been sparked by that archaic hunk of circuitry so it still sat beside him on the desk. It barely booted up anymore, but he left it on the lock screen displaying the Zuzu City skyline. That image was enough to drag him out of even his darkest of moods, a reminder of what he wanted to accomplish.

 

     “Sebby, are you awake?” His mother’s voice called from the top of the stairs.

 

     Sebastian clicked his tongue but didn’t stop typing. He was almost to a good stopping point, just a bit more. His mind regained focus, falling into a meditative-like state as a language he felt only he could understand filled the monitor in front of him. A couple more jobs like this one and he might finally realize his dreams. The pay was more than he was used to, the job bigger than he usually got with freelancing. If he did well, these developers were considering hiring him on permanently and it’d be goodbye Stardew Valley. Goodbye to the mundane and depressing country life and hello to Zuzu City—hello to being somebody.

 

     The knock at the door stuttered his fingers and he bit back a curse. He didn’t appear to have miskeyed but he’d have to look over everything again just to be sure. He made a note and stood from his desk, his back cracking as he straightened and he grimaced. Maybe it was about time for a break anyway. He unlocked his bedroom door and opened it to his mother’s sheepish smile.

 

     “I know you’re working, but Demetrius and your sister are out and I could really use some help,” she said. Sebastian nodded, rolling his shoulders and neck to work out more of the stiffness that seemed to come more and more often.

 

     “It’s fine. I made progress so I can stop for a bit,” he said. “What’s up?”

 

     “It’s Haven Farm. Apparently the new farmer got into town a couple days ago and needs a trained eye. I just need help moving the equipment—this is going to be a pretty big job.”

 

     Robin’s face was light, her blue eyes shining with excitement and even if he hadn’t been able to take a break, Sebastian thought there was no way he wouldn’t have come running to help just to keep her looking so happy.

 

     “I’ll get changed,” he said. His mother smiled and kissed his cheek, scurrying back up the stairs to no doubt get everything organized. Sebastian watched her go then closed the door, stripping off his hoodie and scouring his wardrobe for something fresher that he wouldn’t mind sweating in. He decided on a dark grey t-shirt and his old work jeans from his short-lived apprenticeship under his mother. It still had splotches of wood varnish and paint that never completely washed out—it gave him an odd feeling when he looked at them. If he’d never received that laptop, would he have become a carpenter? He still dabbled in it from time to time—it freshened his mind when he hit a block and Sam and Abigail usually appreciated the items he made. He remembered the look of excitement on Abigail’s face when he’d presented her with the “Spirit Board” on her 18th birthday. It was a simple slab of wood with amateurly burned in letters but she’d looked like he’d just handed her the holy grail. He had once thought that the job would have been worth it, no matter how unhappy he was in the town...but that sentiment hadn’t lasted long.

 

     Sebastian zipped up his jeans and reached for his cigarettes, tapping the pack against his palm as he gazed at the skyscrapers of Zuzu City bathing the night sky with neon lights. It looked so small on the laptop screen, but it called to him. It promised so much more than he could ever hope to find here in his mother’s basement. At the thought of his mother, Sebastian grimaced and shoved the pack of smokes into his back pocket. She’d murder him before the lung cancer could catch up to him if she ever found out he’d taken up smoking. Better to leave her to her excitement over the farm. Sebastian took one last look at his computer screen and shook his head.

 

     “Who in the hell would willingly move _here?”_

 

* * *

 

     Lilah hissed and pulled a shard of wood from her calf. Blood stained her fingers and her newly mopped floor, mocking her efforts with crimson jeers as she pressed her old hoodie—her only hoodie, she thought distantly—against her leg to stem the bleeding. She knew that porch was an accident waiting to happen, though she didn’t think her weight would actually splinter the ancient planks of pine. She lifted the hoodie a bit and checked her wound— It was deep, still bleeding steadily and she grimaced at the realization she’d need to get stitches. She never liked doctors, though the small clinic she saw in town yesterday didn’t look as cold as the Zuzu Memorial Hospital. But, there was no way she’d be able to get all the splinters out on her own and it’d most definitely get infected without a trained professional.

 

     “Should I hop my way over?”

 

     She briefly entertained the idea and shook her head. She could only imagine how the small town would react to the brand new City-Slicker hopping her way over to the clinic on one leg, blood spurting from her calf like some macabre scarecrow. For the first time in her three days in the valley, she wondered if she hadn’t made a huge mistake. It’d taken her hours to clear a path through the brush just to make it to town to buy necessities, but she imagined she would have been faster without having to stop every five minutes from the pain in her ribs. By the time she finished, she barely managed to lug the shopping bags back to the cabin. It didn’t help that a good number of the Valley’s denizens were so excited to greet her— even the Mayor had sought her out to extend his welcome. She was grateful for their kindness, but it didn’t change the fact that she felt exhausted.  Her hands were blistered, her chest and body a constant throb of aches and pains from the strenuous activity. She knew she should be resting as much as possible for her ribs to heal, but she wanted to keep busy somehow. If she kept moving, she wouldn’t have time to start to regret her decision.

 

     She already missed Emery.

 

     Lilah shoved the thought away. She didn't miss him. She couldn't miss him. No matter how much she had cried alone in bed for the last two nights, she knew she had to stay strong. She forced herself to her feet but pain shot up her leg and she stumbled to the floor, catching herself on her hands at the last moment. Her shoulder panged with the impact and she sucked in a breath through her teeth. Maybe some rest was in store after all. When was the last time she’d been in pain just from trying to walk?

 

     Cigarettes. The last time had been because he smelled cigarette smoke on her clothes. Emery hated the smell of cigarettes, cigars, even perfume. He made her quit smoking when they started dating and hadn’t believed her when she said the smell was from work—a small corner bar named Tourniquet. She’d made great tips as the bartender there before he caught a whiff of her before she could shower away the work day. She still couldn’t remember everything that happened that night. The initial blow that struck her in the head had caused her to black out for most of the experience, but her right pinkie hadn’t healed right from when he stomped on her hands as further punishment. She’d been forced to resign, hardly able to so much as brush her own teeth with several of her fingers broken. She had been mostly bedridden that time, and just dragging herself to her bathroom had left her body searing in pain.

 

     This was nothing. She grit her teeth and stood, carefully limping towards the door and out to the front steps. She avoided the splintered hole in the porch and sat on the top step, mopping the blood off her leg with her hoodie once again. She tried to tie it around the wound but the material was too thick. It wouldn’t hold for the walk to the clinic.

 

     Maybe she really wasn’t cut out for this.

 

* * *

 

     The trek from the mountain down to the old farmland wasn’t terrible in itself, but the last Sebastian had heard the place was long overgrown. Robin didn’t seem to mind the idea at all, happily chatting as she was about all the ideas she had for the old farmhouse and ponderings on the type of person this new farmer could be. Sebastian carried a toolbox in each hand, following a step behind her as she spoke about matters that he only vaguely understood about the complexities of renovating a fossil of a home. A trail appeared to have been carved through the brush, but the farmland was still littered with weeds, branches, and rubble. Had it ever been properly tended? For as long as Sebastian could remember, the only thing farmed on that plot of land was rumors.

 

     Stories of Old Man Casey and his buried treasure from decades of spelunking in the mines, whispers of monsters that prowled the shadows at night just waiting for someone to get close enough to snatch. Some even said the old man’s ghost lurked just out of eyesight, waiting for someone to stumble upon his stash. Sebastian didn’t believe them now, but he and Sam had more than their fair share of adventures over those fallen logs as children. It was strange to think of it as an actual farm.

 

      Through the newly-made path from the mountain trail, Old Man Casey’s shack came into view with a stranger sitting at its steps. She sat with her hands pressed against a dark piece of cloth to her leg, the crimson of blood still staining her porcelain skin.

 

     “Oh my god, are you alright?!” Robin dropped her bag and rushed over to the woman’s side. Sebastian followed as the stranger jumped and jerked her head up at the sound of their approach. Her eyes were wary, wide like a wounded rabbit’s. Sebastian set down the toolboxes and reached inside just as Robin turned her attention his way. When she saw the first aid kit already in his hands, she smiled briefly at him and turned her attention back to the other woman.

 

     “I went through the porch,” the woman explained.

 

     “You need to go see Harvey,” Robin told her, her voice taking that maternal tone Sebastian was all too familiar with. She took the first aid kit from him and removed the soiled clothing that would never wash clean. She pressed some gauze in its place and wrapped a bandage snugly around the farmer’s leg to keep it in place. “Can you walk?”

 

     “A bit. Thanks for you help, uhm…?”

 

     “I’m Robin. This is my son, Sebastian. I’m the carpenter around here,” his mother introduced them and helped the woman to her feet. She winced, her pink lips curling in a pained grimace but she didn’t make any mention of her discomfort.

 

     “I’m Lilah. Mayor Lewis told me you’d be stopping by— sorry, I forgot.”

 

     “Sebby, help me get her down the stairs.”

 

      Sebastian walked over and offered his hand. Lilah took it but she looked reluctant. It wasn’t the first time a girl acted like that towards him, he thought, but ignored the twinge of annoyance he felt and curled his fingers around her hand while his mother took her other side. They helped her down the steps, blood already seeping through the bandage and trickling down to her ankle.

 

     “I’m okay,” Lilah told them. Sebastian couldn’t tell if the pink of her cheeks was from embarrassment or sunburn. “Thanks for patching me up, but I can make it to the doctor like this.”

 

     “It’s no trouble, it’s better to have someone to help you,” Robin assured her, worry plain on her face. At Lilah’s hesitation, Robin’s eyes lit up with inspiration. “Sebastian can at least walk you there. I came here to talk to you about repairs anyway, so how about I go ahead and patch up the porch while you get checked out?”

 

     Lilah looked at him— her eyes burned into his, gray like the storm-churned waves of the ocean in summertime, but she quickly looked away and watched his feet instead.

 

     “It’s fine. I’ll take you,” He said, brushing his bangs out of his face. He still held her hand in his, warm against his palm. It felt slick and he hoped it wasn’t his hand that was sweating. Lilah smiled at him, small and not reaching her eyes. It was the restrained smile of a person that was afraid of causing trouble— one he knew well.

 

     As his mother wasted no time retrieving her tools, Sebastian forced himself to let go of Lilah’s hand and knelt down with his back to her. When she didn’t move, he glanced over his shoulder.

 

     “You’re already bleeding through,” he explained, trying not to feel embarrassed as he just sat there, crouched in front of her like a frog. “You probably shouldn’t walk on it if you don’t have to. Hop on.”

 

     Lilah took him in for a moment, a huff of laughter leaving her as she placed her hands on his shoulders. He hooked his elbows behind her knees and stood, lifting her onto his back like she was his younger sister. Maru wasn’t as heavy as she was, but he figured he could make it to the clinic without an issue. They walked in a silence too heavy to be anything but awkward. It wasn’t until they were passing the bus stop that Lilah shattered the quiet between them with a whisper, so soft that he would have missed it if her lips weren’t so close to his ear.

 

     “Thank you.”

 

     “Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal,” he said. “Besides, mom would have nailed me to your roof if I didn’t agree to help.”

 

     “I’ve been thinking that I need a scarecrow...”

 

     Sebastian snickered and readjusted his hold on her thighs—most of her skin was littered with bruises and scars, too old to be from her short stay in the Valley. Talk about accident-prone. He wondered what she did for a living before she arrived.

 

     “So what made you move here, of all places?”

 

     Lilah was silent again. Was it a secret? He couldn’t imagine she came here by choice. It seemed like something out of a dimestore comic book: “Woman with mysterious past moves into small town! Alien invasion ensues!”

 

     “I just needed a fresh start,” she said, at last.

 

     Sebastian nodded. It was a typical response—one Demetrius had used when he arrived. No aliens, no mysteries...no shit. This was the place people ran to in order to leave their old selves and stresses behind.

 

     After all, nothing exciting ever happened in Stardew Valley.


	3. Picking Up the Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USA National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)//1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
> 
> This should do it for my build up chapters. Thank you to everyone that has commented and bookmarked and left kudos so far! I’m very excited to get the actual plot rolling and I hope you all are just as excited to read it.
> 
> This chapter took me a while to feel like I had gotten it just right and there’s still some other things that I wish I could have done with it, but I’ll leave those ideas to be incorporated in the future.

     She hadn’t ridden on anyone’s back since Gramps died. Her first time visiting him, she had been five years old—maybe six. Her father had custody at the time but had dropped her off while he left on a business trip. Gramps had welcomed her warmly, lifted her up and placed her on his shoulders like it was the most natural thing in the world. She’d been terrified, at first. She was sure she would fall and clinged to his salt and pepper hair for dear life. He didn’t snap at her for pulling his hair, didn’t berate her or scold her for being rough...instead, he laughed. He laughed, clear and hearty, such a kind sound that still echoed in her mind and shattered her like glass. At the time, it soothed her, and when she released her vice grip on his hair, he’d given her a strawberry—the biggest and reddest one she had ever seen with such a sweet taste, she never craved dessert again.

  

     Sebastian had a solid hold of her despite his lithe form, walking with purpose. He was quiet, though Lilah wasn’t sure if the silence between them could be considered awkward.

 

     “So, you work with your mom?” Lilah asked, at once curious and desperate for a distraction from the feeling of the blood-soaked bandage around her leg.

 

     “Hm? Oh...no. She just said she needed some help getting her stuff down to the farm,” Sebastian shifted, his dark hair falling in his face.

 

     “So what do you do?”

 

     “I’m a freelance programmer.”

 

      Lilah arched an eyebrow, an incredulous laugh escaping her before she could stop it.

 

     “Sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you, I just...I’m surprised you even have internet out here. I don’t even have an indoor toilet!”

 

     Sebastian glanced over his shoulder at her, a slight smirk tugging his lips before he looked forward once again.

 

     “I was thinking about something similar today,” he shrugged. “It’s probably not as fast as the city, but it’s enough for me to make a steady income and  save up. Hopefully, I’ll be able to move out there soon.”

 

     Lilah thought about the cold, concrete labyrinth that was Zuzu City. She supposed that someone living in a small town all their life would be entranced by the neon lights and nightlife...but part of her wanted nothing more than to talk him out of it. It was a tomb of nightmares and monsters—of rain-frozen alleyways and sneering faces. She shivered.

 

     “Hang in there,” He told her, perhaps mistaking her sudden tremor as a shudder of pain. She nodded and forced herself to relax. The less she thought about Zuzu City—

 

     “So what’s it like?”

 

     —the better.

 

     “Honestly?” Her tone was unsure and he picked up on it instantly.

 

     “I guess you have your own reasons for leaving, but I’m having a hard time coming up with what they could be. Ever since I first visited, I've always wanted to move out there. Compared to the Valley, everything there seems so...futuristic, I guess. Like something out of a sci-fi movie.”

 

     “It may as well be inhabited by aliens,” Lilah mused.

 

     “That bad?”

 

     “It’s not like here. Back there, no one would be helping me like you are now. Everyone just kind of keeps to themselves.”

 

     “That last part doesn’t sound too bad,” Sebastian said. “Give it a couple of weeks and you’ll know more about everyone here than you could ever want to—whether the things you hear are true or not depends on the person. But you’ll wish they kept to themselves.”

 

     A weak smile skewed her face, but Sebastian couldn’t see it.

 

     “We’re almost to the clinic,” he said. “My sister is the nurse there, and Doc Harvey will patch you up.”

 

     Lilah thanked him despite how the thought of the shoebox stuffed under her bed turned her stomach to ice. She had only been able to smuggle so much money with her from Zuzu City and a doctor’s bill would cut her remaining funds by half at the least.

 

 

* * *

 

     “This way,” the nurse—at least, Lilah thought she was a nurse—ushered the pair through to an exam room. It was as standard as they came, though Lilah wasn’t sure if she had really been expecting anything more. Anatomical posters and drug information plastered the walls, with a couple landscape paintings thrown in to attempt a more comforting atmosphere. The exam table looked old but well taken care of, faded vinyl lining with a rolled paper sheet protecting it from the patients.

 

     The entire place smelled like antiseptic and iodine.

 

     Sebastian backed up to the table and raised up enough for Lilah to sit on the sheet.

 

     “You good?” He asked, looking over his shoulder. He didn’t let her go until she nodded and removed her arms from around his neck. He stepped away, casually rolling his shoulders and moving so the nurse could check her leg. “Mom patched her up as best as she could.”

 

     She hummed in thought, carefully inspecting the wrap. This close, Lilah could read the name “Maru” embroidered on the left side of her blouse, but no job title. She was pretty, young—probably around Abigail’s age—with dark hair cutely framing her sienna face. Her hazel eyes were hardened in concentration while her glasses slipped down her nose. Maru lifted Lilah’s leg and pulled out a thick cushion from the foot of the bed to slip beneath it as another man entered the room. He was tall, with reddish-brown hair curled nearly on top of his head. He sported a thick mustache that was almost comical, but somehow it seemed his face would be lacking without it.

 

     “So, what’s going on here?” He asked, eyes kind behind his glasses. He scanned the state of her unwrapped leg and retrieved a pair of vinyl gloves.

 

     “I fell through my porch,” Lilah gulped and turned her face away from the jagged gash in her leg, electing instead to search for Sebastian...but he was gone. He must have stepped out when the other man—Doctor Harvey, she suspected—came in. An odd weight settled in her chest. Disappointment didn’t seem like the right word, but Lilah had at least wanted to thank him once more before he left.

 

     “Ouch, that’s not good,” Harvey gingerly took her leg in his hand and examined the wound. His tone was even, casual but warm, like a father assuring his child that the scrape on their knee was not the end of the world. “You’ll definitely need to have this stitched up, but don’t worry. You’ll be just fine,” He smiled and retrieved a pair of forceps and some alcohol. Lilah hissed as the alcohol cleaned away the worst of the blood, the burn travelling from her torn skin all the way up to her thigh. With surgical precision, Harvey began extracting the splinters still embedded.

 

     It was quicker than she was used to—Harvey’s hands moved fluidly in a way that was almost hypnotic to watch. She watched him as he swapped tools, arming himself with sutures and a gel that numbed her skin where he smeared it. The needle pierced through her easily, gliding the way a wave rolls against the shore, each movement pulling her flesh back together. She hadn’t noticed when he started to speak again until he glanced up at her expectantly.

 

     “Sorry...what was that?”

 

     “I said it looks like you’ve had a rough time of it,” he repeated with a nod towards the smattering of bruises and scarring on her legs. Her stomach rose into her throat and Lilah swallowed thickly.

 

      “I’m just really clumsy,” flowed out of her before she could stop it. She didn’t plan on spilling her circumstances to every person that she came across, but she inwardly cursed at how quick she was to avoid admitting the real cause behind the state of her body. He wasn’t the first doctor to comment on the excessive amount of healing and fresh injuries, but she’d be damned if he wasn’t the last. She would never have to lie again.

 

      Harvey’s hands paused momentarily, but he nodded and continued his work. He remained light-hearted as he wrapped her newly-sutured leg up in a clean bandage.

 

     “Keep them wrapped and dry for the next couple of days,” he told her. “And no strenuous activity. It won’t be very pleasant if you rip them open.”

 

     “Thanks. I’ll be careful,” Lilah promised.

 

     “Good, and...Lilah, wasn’t it?”

 

     “Yeah, that’s me,” she would never be comfortable with the fact that this whole town seemed to know more about her than she did about them.

 

     “Well, Lilah. Don’t hesitate to come see me if you’re ever ‘clumsy’ again.”

 

     Lilah frowned, but offered a curt nod. She pushed herself off the table and limped towards the door, Maru following close behind. She didn’t look back to see how Harvey was looking at her—he couldn’t possibly know so much just by patching up her leg. Guilt clawed its way up her back, curled inside her throat, and pressed against her chest. Emery would be pissed if—

 

 _If what?_ Lilah asked herself. She grit her teeth and forced herself to walk more evenly, the tightness of the bandage grounding her to the now. How long would it take before she stopped arranging her thoughts and actions over what that man wanted? She had come to Pelican Town to get away. She had to pick up the pieces of her life that she had left and fit them back together in a way that suited  _her_.

 

     It was her life and she would take it back.

 

* * *

 

      There was something about the title “ _Farming for the Agriculturally Impaired_ ” that made Lilah think that not all answers could be found in a book. A portrait of the author was plastered across the back cover, some bespectacled man in a suit that appeared just as “agriculturally impaired” as she was. He’d probably never held a trowel in his life, much less a hoe. Lilah tossed the library book onto the bedside table with a groan, falling back against her pillow and covering her eyes with her arm. All she’d been able to do for the last few days was read about farming and basically do everything except actually get Haven Farm blooming. Abigail had been kind enough to stop by and do a library run for her, the idea being that she could at least study up on the trade while indisposed, but Lilah’s entire body itched with agitation.

 

     A week was gone already and she had nothing of note to show for it. Her shoebox stash was dwindling, still enough that she would be comfortable for a couple of weeks but she needed to make money fast.

 

     “Enough,” she growled and sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Her leg was still healing, neatly wrapped in bandages to cover the nine stitches sealing the gash in her flesh. It was still tender and she still hadn’t been given the all clear by the doctor. Doctor Harvey was a kind man, if somewhat awkward. He’d seemed appalled at the thought of her walking to and from his examinations, though he stuttered and blushed during their follow up when Lilah jokingly asked if she should have him carry her around town like Sebastian had.

 

     Speaking of…

 

     Lilah checked the clock on the wall—small, cheaply made, with a black rim and much too loud of a ticking mechanism. She had just enough time to bathe and find something relatively presentable to wear before heading over to the Stardrop Saloon. It was tradition, according to Abigail, for everyone to meet at the Saloon every Friday...and it was no small shock to discover that Abigail truly meant _everyone_. Lilah wasn’t sure how she felt about being in a building with the entire town at once, but she was grateful to have a budding friendship with the girl and planned to take full advantage of the opportunity to socialize, especially if the carpenter’s son would be there.

 

     Lilah had wracked her brain for the best way to thank him. She didn’t have much of value. Giving him money seemed too personally detached and she didn’t know what type of food he liked so she could cook something in her meager kitchen. But, as she had been searching through the pockets of her laundry for loose change she had stumbled across something that might suffice. The small black box waited on her pillow, the size of her palm and thin enough that it had remained forgotten in her backpack for years. She didn't remember when she had bought it or why but it seemed to have been waiting for this exact moment.

 

     She had never believed in things like that, but the way she found her old lockbox with Gramps's will in Emery's closet was so serendipitous that something like "fate" didn't seem nearly as silly as it had a year ago. Maybe that gift had always been meant to come to Pelican Town.

 

* * *

 

      Sebastian smirked and leaned back over the billiards table, his cue balancing on his thumb as he lined up his next shot. A crash as the cue pistoned against the cue-ball, striking the eight with a flash of white and sending it to the corner pocket.

 

     “Oh, come on!” Sam moaned, flopping onto the old weathered couch. He swiped his Joja Cola from the table and popped the tab, sealing his pouting lips over the opening as he chugged it down. Sebastian would never understand how his friend could stomach the saccharine drink, how it didn’t coat his insides in a thick syrup that thickened with each can. Sam crushed the deep blue can in his fist and basketball tossed it towards the trash bin. It bounced off the edge, clanged against the wall, and fell to the floor with a pathetic flop.

 

     “You done already?” Sebastian asked, grabbing the rack off the shelf. He removed the balls from their pockets and began to arrange them inside the triangle, watching the blond with amusement as he grumbled and walked over to drop his trash in the bin properly.

 

     “You can’t just let me win once, can you?”

 

     “It’s not really winning that way,” Sebastian shrugged. “It’s not like Penny’s watching you embarrass your—”

 

     Sam flushed and hissed through his teeth, slamming his hand over Sebastian’s mouth. His wild blond hair looked even more disheveled in his frenzy.

 

     “Come on, dude! She’ll hear you!”

 

     Sebastian removed his friend’s hand and rubbed his face, irritation curling his upper lip.

 

     “Over the jukebox? Doubtful. But if you’ve had enough for one day, I’ll just head home.”

 

     “Some wingman you are,” Sam muttered, grabbing his discarded cue from the couch.  He watched as Sebastian finishing racking the balls and sidled up to the table to break.

 

     “Hey, guys! Room for two more?” Abigail’s familiar voice cut through the din of conversation and ancient jukebox music. Sebastian glanced over to greet her and blinked. Abigail had her arm linked with the farm girl—Leela? Lily? _Lilah_ , he recalled. She looked different, her black hair hanging loose down her back all the way to her waist, she wore light make up, nothing as extravagant as Haley did, but natural colors blending over the sunburnt skin that Sebastian had seen just a few days before. She was wearing her cut-off shorts and a thin gray sweater that matched the tone of her kohl-lined eyes—eyes that looked directly at him.

 

     Sam clasped hands with her, smiling warmly and tearing her gaze away from Sebastian. They each said something in greeting but the words didn’t quite reach Sebastian’s ears. He thought he should say something, ask how she was, ask how her leg was doing, but the Saloon suddenly felt too crowded—too loud. Sweat beaded at the base of his neck and he wanted to rip his hoodie off from the heat. She seemed nice enough, Abigail had certainly taken a shine to her, but having her suddenly become a member of the group twisted his stomach in a way he couldn’t quite describe. Sam looked his way and smiled, moving to put a hand on his shoulder—a comforting and grounding weight that made the air feel less thick.

 

     “This is Sebastian,” he offered, always happy to do enough talking for the both of them.

 

     “We’ve met,” Lilah smiled. “Thanks for your help the other day.”

 

     “Yeah, no problem,” Sebastian swallowed, the more she looked at him, the hotter he felt. There wasn’t enough air. He needed air. “I’m actually going to head out. I have stuff I have to do in the morning.”

 

     Lilah blinked, the corners of her lips tugged downward slightly but Abigail chirped up.

 

     “Oh, come on! We just got here!”

 

     Sebastian glanced at Sam who nodded.

 

     “It’s fine! He was actually talking about heading out already. I’ll walk him and we can play Prairie King when I get back. Loser buys the next round,” Sam grinned. That seemed to appease Abigail for the time being, who instead took it upon herself to pull Lilah towards the arcade game to show her the ropes.

 

     Sebastian muttered a quick goodbye to his friends and the farmer. When the cool night air finally hit him, it was like stepping under a waterfall. He took a few deep breaths to collect himself, his heart still hammered in his chest and he felt like it would stop at any minute. It didn’t feel like his usual panic attack, but somehow that made the feeling in his chest that much more terrifying. He hadn’t even realized he had already started walking by the time Sam caught up to him near the old Community Center.

 

     “Hey, hold up!” He called, reaching into his jacket pocket. “You okay?”

 

     “Yeah, it was just too crowded,” Sebastian said. Sam nodded once, hesitated, then pulled out a small black box the size of his hand.

 

     “I think new girl was disappointed. She asked me to give this to you—she said it’s to thank you for before.”

 

     Sebastian’s stomach rolled as he took the box.

 

     “Great...now I look like an ass,” he grumbled.

 

     “Nah, I just told her you’d been constipated all day and had to hurry home. She was really sympathetic.”

 

     “You—” Sebastian sputtered, face burning in humiliation and he raised the box in his fist at the laughing Sam.

 

     “I’m joking! Don’t hit me! At least you’ve calmed down, right?”

 

     Sebastian went silent. The fluttering in his chest was indeed gone, his breathing even, his stomach calm save for the twinge of guilt that he didn’t at least stick around for Lilah to give him the gift herself. Not that she needed to give him something in the first place, he hadn’t helped her for any sort of reward.

 

     As they walked, Sebastian carefully pulled the top off the box. Inside sat what appeared to be a dog tag shaped necklace, but it was off. He frowned in confusion and lifted it up. It was thin metal, intricate but seemingly random lines crossed and formed blocks across the face. He could see through the gaps the lines of metal left, held it up to the moonlight, turned it over in his hands. The design seemed oddly familiar but he couldn’t quite make sense of it.

 

     “Well that’s...something,” Sam offered.

 

     “That’s one way to put it,” Sebastian arched an eyebrow and put it back in the box.

 

     “Maybe it’s a city thing? They probably think that’s artistic or something,” Sam shrugged. “I guess…it’s the thought that counts?”

 

     “I guess so.” Sebastian shoved the box in his hoodie and took out his cigarettes. He held one between his lip and lit the tip, taking a calming drag and blowing the smoke out through his nose. He and Sam walked back up the mountain in companionable silence, nothing but the wind in the leaves and the sound of gravel underfoot to narrate their trek. By the time they reached his house, Sebastian finished his smoke and extinguished the butt in the empty flower pot by the door.

 

     “Text me if you need me,” Sam said. Sebastian only nodded and let himself into the house. Everyone else was still at the Saloon, which worked for him. It was nice to have the house quiet for once and he wasn’t going to waste the opportunity. He kicked off his shoes and went downstairs to his room, flipping on the lights and heading straight for his computer. He settled into his chair and sighed to himself in relief. It really was a lot of work to go out.

 

     His computer screen blazed to life when he wriggled the mouse and he keyed in his password against the backdrop of the Zuzu cityscape. His desktop appeared after a brief loading screen, another image of the city from the street view. Sebastian leaned back in his seat and just watched as his wallpaper changed—a slideshow of different views of the world he longed for. He imagined he was there, surrounded by those gargantuan towers—like castles in their own right. The images shifted from roadways to bridges, to aerial views, until a certain image caught his attention with a jolt like electricity.

 

     Sebastian sat forward in his seat, clicking on his image folder for his wallpapers and finding the file that sparked his interest. It was a top down view of the city taken from a helicopter. The entire layout of the Zuzu City was there on his screen, each street, bridge, and intersection all neatly laid out for him. He frowned and reached into his pocket, pulling out the gift the farmer had brought for him. He took the pendant out of the box and held it in his palm, looking at the seemingly random lines running from one edge to the other. He raised it up against his computer screen and it clicked.

 

     The lines weren’t random at all. Each thin line matched up with a street or alleyway, the thicker lines matched bridges. He held a scaled down map of the city in his hand. The feeling returned to the pit of his stomach, at once fluttering and violent, like frogs were trapped in his abdomen and trying to leap their way out. His chest and face felt warm, and he felt an almost overwhelming, yet curious urge to curl into himself.

 

     Sebastian clasped the chain around his neck and felt the pendant flop solidly against his chest. He felt foolish for not recognizing the necklace for what it was earlier and was at once thankful that he had decided to open the box on his own. Sam had said it was the thought that counts and Sebastian couldn’t think of any other word to describe the gift besides “thoughtful.” He had only mentioned the city once to her during their brief meeting, yet she thought to give him something like this. He imagined the disappointment Lilah could have felt if she witnessed his initial reaction and it made him grimace.

 

     The next time they met, he’d thank her properly.

 


	4. Safe As Houses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See that abuse tag? The one right up top there? That's there for a reason.
> 
> USA National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)//1.800.787.3224 (TTY)

     The Stardrop Saloon was no Tourniquet, but Lilah could see the appeal it had for the little town. Everyone had their assigned spot on the old barstools, tables, and dance floor near the retro jukebox in the corner. The hardwood floors and dark wood paneling on the walls were warm and welcoming, reminiscent of a lodge at some (albeit small) vacation spot. The food was divine, the alcohol strong, and she regretted that she hadn’t stopped in sooner.

 

     Abigail and Sam were fine company, as well. Several rounds of Prairie King and Pool, laughing and cheering, had Lilah feeling as though they were already good friends. She’d been invited back next week to join them, though she wondered how Sebastian would feel about the idea.

 

     Bleeding all over someone did not make a stellar first impression but she didn’t realize he’d grown to dislike her so much as to leave when she walked into a room. She hoped he'd at least appreciated the sentiment of the gift even if he wanted nothing to do with her. She thought they got along well when they spoke last but maybe he was just being polite. The idea churned her up inside more than she thought appropriate.

 

     “So, how’s the farming coming along?” Abigail popped up beside her, chin rested against her knuckles and elbow propped on the counter. Sam leaned on the bar, drinking another cola and eyeing a dainty redhead sitting by the jukebox.

 

     “It’s not really,” Lilah admitted, “though I have to get started soon so I can afford to have more repairs done. I'm surprised that old house is still standing.”

 

     “Even then, it takes a long time for stuff to grow doesn’t it?” Abigail mused out loud.

 

     “A few weeks at the quickest,” Lilah agreed. “Maybe I can get a part time job. I used to be a bartender a couple years ago.” She eyed the bar thoughtfully.

 

     “Gus and Emily barely keep busy as it is most nights,” Sam chimed in. “Friday’s are good but only a couple of us come here on the regular since the place is only open during the later half of the day.”

 

     “I see,” Lilah’s shoulders deflated. Of course this place wouldn’t be as bustling as the city. Not to mention, everyone that needed jobs already had them.

 

     “There’s always Joja Mart…” Sam said, drumming his fingers on his can of cola. “They pay about average, I work there part-time when I can remember to go in. But you have to decide if average pay is worth looking like Shane over there.”

 

     He nodded towards a man in the corner. An old partially unzipped hoodie concealed most of his form, his dark hair stuck up in some odd places, accenting the dark circles under his eyes and the 5 o’clock shadow that must have formed several 5 o’clock’s ago. He hadn’t spoken to anyone since Lilah had arrived, only downed beer after beer until he began to sway in his seat.

 

     “I guess it’d be something,” Lilah grimaced, looking into her own drink with a sudden apprehension before gently pushing it away. Abigail didn’t seem convinced.

 

     “There’s got to be something else. I’d say my dad’s place but he can be pretty hard to work with. I’m his blood and even I can’t stand him as a boss.” Abigail’s nose scrunched up, pouting as she thought. Lilah smiled but shook her head.

 

     “I’ll figure it out. I’m a big girl,” she promised, “but thank you. I’ll do whatever I can and get the farm up and running in no time.”

  

     “Well, I’ll be the first one to buy from you!” Abigail vowed.

 

     “You’ll have to fight my mom off,” Sam interjected. “She’s done nothing but talk about the farm since you showed up. She’s nuts for fresh veggies.”

 

     “So, no pressure,” Lilah laughed. As daunting as the task was, a new resolve settled in her gut. The people of Pelican Town really were happy to have a local farmer, even one as inexperienced as she. It was an odd idea to her but inspiring nonetheless.

 

     They moved on to other topics about nothing in particular, more getting a better feel for each other until the night came to a close. Sam was the first to duck out, scrawling his number on a napkin and handing it to Lilah. Abigail flushed and hurried to write hers down too, all but demanding that Lilah text her first as it was only fair. Lilah couldn’t contain her smile as she reached for her left pocket to retrieve her cell...and felt flat denim. The image of her shattered cellphone resting in the middle of the bus depot, the burn of her last defiance raw in her throat, came flooding back to her. For the first time, she had two new contacts to put into her phone...but it was gone. Her countenance fell.

 

     “What’s up? Forget your phone?” Abigail tilted her head. “I can text you instead so you can put it in when you get home. What’s your number?”

 

     “It’s not that,” Lilah tried to bring some pep back into her voice. “My phone broke when I was moving. I haven’t been able to replace it yet.”

 

     “Sounds like a City trip is in order,” Sam grinned. “I’ll see if Seb wants to tag along.”

 

     Lilah paled.

 

     “That’d be awesome! Lilah, what’s your favorite spot? We should definitely hit it up while we’re there!” Abigail grinned.

 

     “Right…that’s...” Nausea rolled in her stomach. Going back to the city so soon was as good as suicide, but there was no way she could tell them that. She opened her mouth, lips trembling, then bit them and swallowed against the sudden dryness in her throat. “I’ll have to think about it. I can’t afford to get a new phone yet, anyway.”

 

     “I guess that’s true. Scratch that idea,” Sam conceded, but he smiled. “Don't worry, once you get some money coming in we’ll make a day of it.”

 

     Lilah forced a thin smile and nodded, standing from her stool and taking the number-inscribed napkin with her. She followed the pair out of the Saloon, gave her goodbye’s and promised to stop by next week, attempting to smile despite the anxious thundering in her chest. She watched them split up and forced herself to head for home. She could only move slowly, at first. The night was deafening in its silence when compared to the jovial atmosphere of the Saloon, and every rustle of leaves or snap of a twig shot through her nerves like lightning, as if the source of her fear would poke his head around every corner. Her pace quickened, her bandaged calf burned from the effort but it paled in comparison to the tension that traveled up her spine like needles.

 

     “You’re being stupid,” she told herself. Rationally, she knew that the idea of returning to the city was the only reason her anxiety was running rampant—and now her imagination was too. She took a deep breath and covered her face. She was safe here, and she wasn’t being forced to go back anyway. She could always come up with some excuse. She tried to focus on the fun she had, the rounds of arcade games, the laughter and serenity she hadn’t felt in too long, and it calmed her enough to get her feet to slow.

 

     Past the bus stop, it was only a short way to Haven, and her mind wandered to the idea of farming. Should she grow fruits, flowers, vegetables, or a combination? Should she keep animals? By the time she reached her cabin, the fear that plagued her was nearly completely dissipated.

 

     Until she noticed her front door wide open.

 

     Terror gripped her at full force as she stared into her home from the bottom of the steps. Had she not shut it properly? She wracked her brain, but she didn’t recall if she had locked it. If she did, someone busted the door down and could be waiting for her, and there was only one person she could think of that would be so brazen. Her mind couldn’t be controlled. It rolled through every terrible scenario it could conjure, both real and imagined, until it settled on one memory and wouldn’t let go.

 

_Emery sat on the sofa, watching the flames lick and devour the old canvas wallet. Cash, cards, and coins curled and melted, only visible through the small peephole burned through the side. He tapped his fingers against the arm of the sofa. The same beat._

 

_one-two...three...four...one-two...three...four...._

 

_“Li~lah~,” he sang. He beckoned her over with one finger, not even having to look at her to know she stood in the doorway, watching with wide frightened eyes. She stepped forward, eyes focused on his fingers as they continued to tap out a beat. When they stopped, so did her heart._

 

_“That’s a lot of money you’ve been keeping from me. What were you doing to get all of it?” His tone was terrifyingly conversational.  Lilah’s tongue felt thick, dry like styrofoam. She couldn’t open her mouth to answer, but she knew it wouldn’t matter what she said. Emery had already decided the truth for himself._

 

 _“_ ** _Who_ ** _were you doing to get all of it?” He asked._

 

_“No one,” she swore. Emery leapt off the couch, the fire reflecting in his dim green eyes. He gripped her hair in his fist and slammed her to the floor. Lilah bit her lip, copper exploding in her mouth but it stopped her from crying out._

 

_“Don’t lie to me!”_

 

_He dragged her by her hair, knocking her into the coffee table, until he held her face barely a few inches away from the dancing flames. She couldn’t breathe without inhaling smoke, the heat seared her skin so painfully that she feared it would melt off._

 

_“You worked so hard for it all, didn’t you? You’re going to let all that money go to waste? How many people did you fuck, you bitch?”_

 

_“I didn’t,” She choked out through smoke and tears. Emery pushed at her head and she screamed out a sob, bracing her hands on the floor to keep her face away from the fire. “Three!” She lied, and the pressure lessened._

 

_“See? Was that so hard?” He released his grip and stroked her hair, but kept the pressure on the base of her neck. A loose strand fluttered down in front of her only to be reduced to ash. “Did you bring them back here? Did you whore yourself out in my bed?”_

 

 _“No. I...I did it while I was out shopping.”  Each lie had bile rising in her throat. A distant, defiant thought pushed through the haze:_ **_As if anyone would pay to touch me with how you’ve marked me._ **

 

_“I knew it. Well, since you can’t even bother to keep your legs shut in public, I guess you can’t be trusted to even do something as simple as shopping. I’m afraid you’re grounded, sweetheart.”_

 

_Lilah whimpered as he pulled her away from the flames and cupped her face in his hands. It hurt and Lilah feared to look in the mirror to see what her face looked like. Emery gently shushed her, mockingly soft kisses searing her scorched face._

 

_“I know how upsetting it is to lose all your hard earned money. And since you were such a good and honest girl for me, I’ll let you keep it,” he grinned. “Go on, kitten. Reach in and grab it.” When Lilah didn’t move, he laughed. “Don’t you want it? You still might be able to save some of it.” His face nuzzled against her neck, his coarse brown stubble pricking her like tiny thorns. “You just have to grab it...or you can earn it all back with me. What do you say?”_

 

     Even back then, she knew the decision shouldn’t have been so hard to make.

 

     She pictured her small shoebox being tossed into the fireplace, Emery grinning as it collapsed and burned in front of him. He’d tell her she had no choice, she couldn’t survive without money so she’d have to come home. He’d drag her out kicking and screaming if he had to.

 

     Lilah shook her head. There didn’t seem to be a fire lit inside, her thoughts were just racing. Despite the terror gripping her every cell, she tried to reassure herself that it was merely a bad lock up. There was really no sign of anyone inside…

 

     ...then, something glass shattered in her kitchen.

 

     Lilah turned on her heel and ran. She scrambled to keep her footing, survival instinct overpowering the pain, and fled towards town as fast as her legs would take her. She couldn’t tell if there were footsteps following her, the pounding in her ears drowning out everything else, but she didn’t dare look back until she passed Harvey’s clinic.

 

     Behind her, the trail was empty.

 

     “ _Ooph!”_

 

     Lilah screamed and stumbled at the sudden collision, face-planting into a chest covered by thick cotton and infused with the scent of tobacco and sawdust. An arm caught her around the waist and stabilized her to keep them from tumbling down to the cobblestone street. She looked up, chest heaving with exerted breaths and the thundering of her heart.

 

     Sebastian stared down at her, his dark brows raised in shock. A lit cigarette dangled precariously between his lips and he quickly caught it with his fingers before it fell on her, his other arm still secure around her back.

 

     “Jeez, are you alright?” He looked towards the direction of the farm with a frown.

 

     “It’s you…” Lilah panted, anxiety and relief warring inside her. She hiccuped, trying to catch her breath and keep herself from dissolving into a blubbering emotional wreck.

 

     “Shit, you’re shaking,” Sebastian led her over to a bench and tried to help her sit, but Lilah shook her head. Her thin fingers clutched at his hoodie, trembling against his chest.

 

     “There’s someone in my house. I mean, I didn’t see them, but my door was open and—Shit, shit, shit, shit, _shit_ , what if he followed me...what do I do if he...if he…?” Her voice was growing hysterical, higher pitched, Lilah distantly thought she might start screaming at any moment but she couldn’t calm herself down.

 

     “Hold on, hey!” Sebastian tossed his cigarette aside and tilted her face up with both hands, forcing her to look at him. His eyes were as dark as his hair, almost pitch black and solid. She felt as though she had been floating higher and higher away from herself in hysteria, only to come crashing back into her body when their eyes locked. “Breathe, okay? You’re alright. No one followed you.”

 

     Lilah took a shuddering breath, then a second more solid one. The smoke smell still clinging to his hands wafted into her nose, oddly calming in a way she couldn’t describe. It was a smell so opposite than what she expected. By the third and fourth breath, she had relaxed into Sebastian’s hands and dared to close her eyes to further collect herself. When she opened them, Sebastian took a hard look at her face.

 

     “You good?”

 

     “Yeah.” Lilah took a step back, her cheeks freezing when the warmth of his hands disappeared. “Sorry.”

 

     Sebastian shook his head and stomped out his discarded cigarette.

 

     “Tell me what happened.”

 

      Lilah took another breath to steel herself.

 

     “I walked home from the Saloon and my front door was open. I didn’t see anyone but I heard something break inside so...so I ran.”

 

     Sebastian frowned.

 

     “I can’t think of anyone that would just break into your place. Well, not now that you’re moved in anyway.”

 

     Abigail immediately came to mind and had she been in better spirits, Lilah might’ve laughed. As it stood, she was even more terrified that there were no local suspects. Her fears felt more realistic by the second.

 

     “Alright. You want to wait here?” Sebastian asked. He nodded once towards the bench when she did nothing but furrow her brows in confusion. “You can sit there. I’ll go check things out.”

 

     “No, I...I’ll go with you.” At Sebastian’s arched eyebrow, she added, “I’ll feel better seeing it for myself. I don’t want you to go alone.”

 

     “I’m not the one running like a dragon was chasing me, but alright,” Sebastian paused, then offered a hand, “Don’t get separated. Whoever is there, there are a lot of places besides the house they could have run off to. Besides, seems like every time we meet, you end up bleeding. You shouldn’t push it anymore.”

 

     Lilah looked down at her reddening bandage. If she ripped the stitches, it’d be brutal. Sheepish, she placed her hand in his. Bravery warmed between their palms and coursed through her skin, steadying her heart and mind. Sebastian’s grip was firm, a reassuring heat that she wasn’t alone. He walked at her pace, checking their surroundings every so often until they arrived at the cabin.

 

     Sebastian retrieved his phone from his hoodie pocket and flipped on the flashlight. He scanned the area immediately surrounding the house before slowly making his way up the steps and inside. Lilah stuck close by, checking behind them for any signs of an ambush. So far, it was quiet.

 

     “You have your electricity on yet?” He asked. Lilah nodded and found the switch on the wall. One flick and the whole of her residence was bathed in artificial light.

 

     “Well, here’s your broken object,” Sebastian said, motioning to a shattered drinking glass in the middle of the kitchen floor.

 

     “I left that on the counter to dry. How did it get knocked over?”

 

     He hummed in thought and looked around. Everything else seemed in place from what Lilah could see. Not so much as a muddy footprint.

 

     “Whoever was here, it looks like they’re gone now. There aren’t really a lot of places to hide in here,” Sebastian paused with a frown. Lilah opened her mouth to ask, but then she heard it. A scratching from beneath the bed. He looked to her and motioned for her to get behind him before he approached. He flipped the flashlight back on and ducked down, cautiously lifting the sheet dangling over the edge and peeking underneath. Lilah scurried over to the fireplace to retrieve the poker, clutched it close to her body with both hands and waited.

 

     Sebastian glanced over at her, a breath of a laugh as he shook his head.

 

     “I don’t think that’s needed,” he said, reaching under the bed with one arm. He pulled it back and straightened, lips quirking upwards. “Here’s your burglar.”

 

     A kitten mewled in his hand, paws swinging defiantly as he held it by the scruff of its neck. All black with sleek fur, a single white tuft on its left paw. It was small and almost too skinny. Sebastian cradled his arm and supported the feline, letting go of its scruff and petting smoothly along its back. It calmed quickly enough, burrowing its face into his sleeve and purring.

 

     “That’s a relief,” he sighed.

 

     “...I’m so sorry,” Lilah dropped the poker and covered her face, her cheeks burning.

 

     “For what?” Sebastian shrugged and stepped closer, holding the kitten out for her inspection. “I think anyone would have gotten freaked out. You’re fine.”

 

     Lilah hesitantly stroked the kitten’s head, its large orange eyes slid shut and it craned its neck for maximum contact. She smiled, chest warming as Sebastian handed it over to her and it snuggled against her.

 

     “Thank you,” Lilah looked up, realizing how close they stood to each other. She could smell that sweet scent of tobacco with the hint of sawdust from his clothes, see the splash of brown in his dark eyes and suddenly her embarrassment hit her three-fold.

 

     “You haven’t done much besides apologize or thank me since you’ve been here,” He said with an almost bitter laugh.

 

     “Sor—That is, you’re always helping me.” She looked away from his face until her eyes landed on the chain he wore around his neck. “Oh!”

 

     Sebastian followed her eyes. His whole body seemed to stiffen and he shifted on his feet, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

     “Oh yeah...I guess it’s my turn to thank you,” He lifted the pendant between his fingers. He ran his thumb across the intersecting lines on its face and smiled. “I really like it. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

 

     “I’m so glad!” Lilah grinned, her embarrassment forgotten in the light of her gift being so well received. Sebastian’s eyes widened a fraction and he cleared his throat.

 

     “Well, it’s late. After all this, I’m sure you’re tired. If you’re not scared anymore, I should really get going.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and took a step back, looking everywhere but her. Lilah’s smiled faded.

 

     “Sure...I’ll, ehm, I’ll see you around, I guess.”

 

     She walked him to the door, the air between them electric with a sudden tension that she didn’t understand. He offered a quick goodnight and stepped out, pulling his hood over his head against the cool spring air. Lilah watched him descend the steps and shut the door, sliding the lock and checking that it was really locked twice. She sighed and looked down at the kitten.

 

     “Guess it’s just you and me now,” she muttered. She walked over to the bed and set the cat down, smiling slightly as it stretched out onto its back and stuck its tongue out.

 

     Three quick knocks on the door made her jump and snapped her out of her thoughts. She hurried over and unlocked it, opening the door just a crack so she could see who it was. Sebastian stood on her porch with a grimace, hands still in his pockets. Lilah opened the door all the way with concern.

 

     “Is everything okay?”

 

     “Yeah,” Sebastian bit out. He looked up as if he had to force himself and met her eyes. “Listen, that path over there leads to my place.” He nodded his head towards the northern trail.

 

     “Oh, does it? Okay…”

 

     “I just mean...if you need anything, or even if you don’t need anything,” his face was turning more scarlet by the second. “Come by tomorrow if you’re not doing anything. We can hang out.”

 

     Lilah blinked. Was he embarrassed? A small smile teased at the corners of her lips and she stamped down the laugh bubbling in her chest. He had been so brave when he thought she was in danger, but it seemed like he was actually pretty shy.

 

     “I’d like that.”

 

     “Yeah?” His eyebrows shot up. Did he think she would have laughed and sent him on his way? “Okay. Cool.”

 

     “Cool,” Lilah grinned. “See you tomorrow.”

 

     He nodded, bade her goodnight again, and started walking back towards town. Lilah watched him until he was on the path to the bus stop then shut the door. She stood with her back against it, palms flat against the wood as she recalled the blush spreading across his face, how awkward he had looked as soon as the adrenaline wore off and he no longer needed to be the hero. Even as she cleaned up the broken drinking glass and got into bed, the smile didn’t leave her face.


	5. Sparks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USA National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)//1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
> 
> Stardew Valley is a very slow paced game, so I feel the need to have some time skips of at least a couple of weeks here and there. I hope it doesn’t take anything away from the story, but I hope you all can understand why I feel it’s necessary. Everything would drag on without them!

    Blue was _not_ his color, Sebastian decided bleakly. The powder blue suit was dated in the worst way—even the thread securing the buttons seemed tired. Why he had to wear the damned thing was beyond him. Tradition dictated that all the bachelors and bachelorettes of the town wear the outfits, some odd courting ritual that was archaic yet still foolishly practiced. In the past few years, the same people had worn the ceremonial costumes and none of them had found a marriage partner. Not that he was interested— putting down roots in this town was as good as a death sentence. He grumbled, snatched and lit up a cigarette, and briefly wondered if he’d be able to burn the outfit without alerting his family upstairs.

 

     He already knew how the dance would go. It was the same every year: Mayor Lewis would give that disgusting speech about youth and love, those with partners would stand on the sidelines drinking spiked punch and nibbling cake, and all the singles would dance in the middle waiting for some legendary “spark” to kindle between them. There were a few occasions where they had snuck some of the punch as teens, the only “spark” forming from inebriated half-clothed fumbling under the cover of night— excitement breeding from the thrill of being out past curfew rather than any actual affections for their partners. It didn’t hold the same appeal as it used to—all that awaited was awkward shuffling and avoiding eye contact come morning, a shame that burned in his chest until the next year arrived. Sebastian grimaced, stuffing the suit back into his closet as two soft knocks rapped against his door.

 

    “Yeah?” He hid his smoke behind his back, expecting his mother or Maru to poke their heads in to usher him upstairs. Instead, a head of long black hair tied into a loose braid peeked in— and Sebastian couldn’t slam his closet door shut fast enough.

 

    “Is this a bad time? Are you working right now?” Lilah asked.

 

     “Not today,” he said. “What’s up?”

 

     “I come bearing gifts,” she announced, stepping into his room and closing the door behind her. She held a basket covered by a plaid kerchief close to her body. Her eyes sparkled—no longer dark and deep like thunderclouds, but bright and shimmering like polished silver. Sebastian took the basket she offered and tilted his head, holding his cigarette between his lips and lifting the cloth to peek inside. He flushed, the burning in his cheeks seeping up to his hairline. For a moment, he thought he’d burnt himself, but Lilah took the cigarette from his mouth and extinguished it for him in the ashtray.

 

     “Strawberries?” He plucked one plump fruit from the top of the pile. Her grin widened—her smiles came much more freely lately, though he wasn’t arrogant enough to even consider he had anything to do with it.

 

     “I thought you should be the first one to try them, all things considered.”

 

     Sebastian nodded. It had been over a month since Lilah’s first visit to 24 Mountain Road. He’d invited her but even after she accepted, he only half expected her to show up. He’d been deep in his work when she arrived much like today with two soft knocks and an unsure smile. She’d waited patiently for him to finish, a nice change from those that seemed to think he just screwed around all day. Hanging out with her had been casual, she asked him more about his career and seemed genuinely interested when he showed her a few projects he’d been working on—though, admittedly, he wasn’t that great at reading people. But, she hadn’t seemed bored and he was pleasantly surprised to see her excitement at his bookshelf. Her fingers had danced across the spines, delighting in the fact that he had the entire Mass Recall sci-fi trilogy.

 

      _“When the terraformer malfunctioned on Callieos, I think I threw my copy,” Lilah said, skimming through the pages of the second book to find the aforementioned scene._

 

_“Yeah, looking back it was pretty obvious that Jarec was the saboteur, though. He was always at odds with the Cultivators.”_

 

_“Oh, I know. I always thought he was sketchy,” She laughed and replaced the book on the shelf. “Maybe I should take up space farming, instead.”_

 

_Sebastian smirked, then a thought hit him and he moved to his bed._

 

_“Actually, you just reminded me,” he said, pulling out a small storage bin on wheels. He popped the top off and dug through the contents until he found his target. “I don’t know if they’re still good, I was originally going to toss them but...I don’t know, I just hoarded them away instead. You’ll probably get more use out of them than I would.” He held out the rubber-banded stack of seed packets. All consolation prizes from the egg festival year after year. He had as much use for strawberry seeds as he had for a hole in his ceiling, but he remembered Lilah mentioning that she was having trouble figuring out what to grow._

 

_Lilah took them, mouth slightly agape. She lightly traced the label with her finger and, with a panic, Sebastian realized her eyes were welling up._

 

_“If you don’t need them, it’s not a big deal. I just thought…”_

 

_“No!” Lilah shook her head, holding the bundle to her chest protectively. “It’s not that! These are amazing, Bas...Thank you.”_

 

     Sebastian still had no idea why the seeds had gotten him such a reaction, he still didn’t feel right prying. The memory of her pale face, her body trembling against his as she gripped his hoodie hinted that there were some things about the farm girl that she didn’t want him to know—no matter how curious he was.

 

     They hung out more regularly after that. Their friendship formed before he even had a chance to process it. Sometimes, they did little more than just sit in the room together, her quietly reading one of his books while he worked, then chatting casually during his coffee break. Other times, they’d introduce each other to movies or tv shows, or bet who was buying the rounds next Friday over a fighting or racing game. He even got her involved in his and Sam’s weekly game of Solarion Chronicles, though Sam accused her of playing favorites with her healing magic once or twice. He’d then proceed to tease Sebastian over it long after she’d gone home, urging him to just ask her out already. Though, that argument usually died out pretty quickly once the name “Penny” entered the fray.

 

     Sebastian raised the strawberry to his mouth, taking a bite through its firm flesh. Sweetness spread across his tongue as he chewed, much sweeter than he was used to from the Joja Mart inventory, but it mixed oddly with the nicotine still coating his tongue. Still, he focused through the acrid mixing of flavor to the core taste. He finally understood the craze behind “farm fresh produce.”

 

     Lilah watched him expectantly, leaning forward and face serious. Wisps of hair rebelled from her plait as it dangled over her sunburned shoulder, and he knew he had to say something.

 

     “It’s good,” he said, “I’ve never tasted anything like it.”

 

     “Really?” Lilah beamed. “I was thinking about trying to sell some at the dance this afternoon.”

 

     “Give them a sample and I’m sure you’ll sell out. Are you sure it’s okay for me to have this many?”

 

     Lilah nodded. Someone could have told him the sun radiated from her smile and he would have believed it. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her so happy since they’d met.

 

     “I’m so glad you like them. I have to go get ready but I’ll see you at the festival, right?”

 

     “I couldn’t avoid it if I wanted to,” He said, then sighed. “And trust me, I really want to.”

 

     She laughed, clear and genuine. She apologized for his struggles, then waved goodbye before scurrying out the door to clean up for the dance, leaving him there with nothing but a basket of berries and a smirk.

 

     The rest of his family would love the fruit, he thought. He entertained the idea of leaving the basket on the kitchen counter for them all to try...then stashed it on his desk, hiding it beside his computer tower and the wall where no one would ever find it.

 

* * *

 

     That was what was called a “rousing success,” Lilah thought proudly as she looked at her bare table. Sebastian had been right, a couple samples here and there and she’d already sold out on her first harvest. Most of the festival-goers had their own bag of fruit tucked in by their tables, some already nibbling away. It was an image Lilah had never imagined could bring her so much joy.

 

     She smiled so wide that her cheeks hurt, hugging the lockbox containing her earnings to her chest and fantasizing about what she could do with it all. Robin had offered several renovation ideas, as well as help on building fences and paving some pathways to better organize her farm. Most of it she would stash away in savings, hoard it away like the Archdragon in the last campaign of S.C. she’d played at Sebastian’s, but she could already visualize her ultimate goal.

 

      _I want a bathroom_ , she thought, sighing happily at the thought of a porcelain tub, indoor toilet, and a shower not shared by the local squirrel community. Gramps was a much stronger person than she’d ever be to survive for who-knows-how-long using that outdoor glorified sprinkler head as his main source of hygiene. All she wanted was a nice long soak at the end of the day and if her sales stayed on this trajectory, she’d have her wish in no time.

 

     “Somebody looks happy!” Abigail grinned, snacking on a strawberry of her own. True to her word, she had been the first to line up to Lilah’s table.

 

     “Things are definitely looking up!” Lilah straightened up, replacing the lockbox under the table. “What are you wearing?”

 

     “Oh this? It’s nothing! Just some stupid costume they make us change into for the dance,” her face darkened and she cleared her throat. Her violet hair seemed all the more vibrant when contrasted with the pure white of her gown, a woven chain of different spring flowers adorned her neck—daisies, mostly, with a violet bloom as the centerpiece that rested just above her breasts.

 

     “You look so beautiful,” Lilah sighed. Abigail bent over, hysterical laughter shaking her shoulders.

 

     “I look like a faerie! I’d rather be a troll,” she stuck her tongue out towards the clearing repurposed as a dance floor. “Dancing in front of everyone is so embarrassing. They sit there and wait for some fairytale moment to happen, but everyone knows this whole festival is just an excuse to drink and eat until you explode.”

 

     “Really? I think it’s pretty romantic…”

 

     “You will until you’re the one wearing the dress!” Abigail warned with a good natured smile. “Speaking of...Is there someone you want to dance with?”

 

     Lilah blinked, heat rising to her face before she should even try to brush the question off. Of course she wanted to dance. It’d be fun just to let loose for a change even if she felt underdressed in her jeans and weathered tank top, but she wouldn’t allow a specific partner to cross her mind. Definitely not Sebastian. _Especially_ not Sebastian. She wasn’t naïve when it came to the way he made her heart beat. Since the night he’d fearlessly searched for the supposed intruder in her cabin, she knew she’d developed a bit of a crush. But even a crush, no matter how innocent, terrified her as much as it excited her. After everything, she knew the last thing she wanted was to jump into another relationship. She valued the friendship they’d formed too much to inadvertently make him the rebound...Even if she knew how warm it’d feel, exactly how their palms fit together and which brand of cigarettes settled their scent into his clothing.

 

     Deep down, no matter how much she denied it, she knew she’d love to dance with him...but she wasn’t under the delusion that it could actually happen. At any rate, it wouldn’t be any fun unless he was enjoying himself too, and he’d made it clear that morning that he’d give anything to get out of attending.

 

     “So you do! Who is it?” Abigail pestered, taking Lilah’s silence as confirmation.

 

     “Why don’t _you_ dance with me?”

 

     Abigail blinked, pink rising to her cheeks.

 

     “You rebel, you! I like it,” She laughed and held her arms out for Lilah to take her hands. Their fingers clasped together and they hurried out to the dance floor, spinning childishly in complete disregard of the music the live band so expertly performed. Abigail’s skirt flared out with each spin, flower petals from her accessories scattering around them, giving grace to an otherwise erratic performance. They danced until Mayor Lewis stepped up to his podium, interrupting the music with a thick clearing of his throat and a broad smile beneath his ashen gray moustache.

 

     “Welcome everyone to the Stardew Valley Annual Flower Dance! As our festivities are drawing to a close, I’d like to personally thank each and everyone of you for your contributions this year.” The mayor sweeped his hands out in front of him, motioning to the townspeople, before clapping them together in applause and urging them to do the same. “It warms my heart to see you all come together as a community to continue our sacred traditions. To end this wonderful night of friendship and romance, let’s have all our singles gather onto the dance floor to lead us into the final number for the night!”

 

     Abigail sighed and picked at her skirt, muttering to herself as she headed to the middle of the floor. Lilah smiled as she left, moving to the sidelines as the other young singles of the town took their places. Sebastian took his spot across from Abigail—the sour look on his face not that far off from what Lilah had imagined and she covered her mouth to stifle her laughter. He looked miserable, dressed in a pastel suit that was absolutely offensive on him. The music started and they stepped towards each other in time. The men bowed, the women curtsied, the dance was so modest and restrained like an Arthurian-era ball. Hands barely touched as they circled each other, some eyes awkwardly shifted away from the stare of their partner’s...but others were the opposite.

 

     A sharp pang stabbed in her stomach as she watched them. Sebastian and Abigail didn’t look away from each other. He still frowned, his face ever-serious and clearly uncomfortable, but Abigail smiled and spoke so only he could hear her. He rolled his eyes once, spinning the girl away from him before pulling her back, his steps faltering for a beat as she stumbled back into him. Abigail laughed with their hands clasped between them.

 

     Jealousy wasn’t the right word, Lilah thought. The two of them fit each other well and had obviously known each other their whole lives. She could imagine the two of them together more clearly than she could imagine her own face. Her attraction was one-sided, but she could deal with that. She wasn’t upset that they were together but the more she watched, the more a bitter taste spread in the back of her mouth.

 

     It was the connection, she realized. She could remember being sixteen, craving that kind of relationship. She’d dreamt of a man that could enjoy her for who she was, love her unconditionally even if he thought she was silly or had odd hobbies, but all the more better if he shared her interests. She’d wanted someone that would look into her eyes and be completely clear and open, trusting her implicitly with that vulnerability. Instead, she had found Emery. Emery who “accidentally” threw out all her favorite novels and comic books when they first moved in together. Emery who smacked her for the first time when she refused his advances after an argument over what friends she kept. Her dreams of a true love shattered with the splintering of her bones, growing dark and perverse with each night she spent beside him until she had started to believe she had found the love she deserved. Even now, no matter how many times she told herself how wrong he had been, she couldn’t help the small voice whispering in the back of her mind that she would never find anyone better.

 

     The other couples moved their way onto the floor, joining hands and moving in more modern steps as the music started to peak. Even young children twirled amongst them, leaving Lilah on the outskirts. Her skin crawled and prickled with heat, nausea coiling her insides. She took a step back, watching the dancers and feeling more and more like a voyeur than part of their festivities. She was settling in just fine but it didn’t change the fact that she was still an outsider—an awkward piece left over in the box while the jigsaw puzzle rested completed on the kitchen table. Even the friends she had made already had their routines, was there really any space for her to fit in?

 

     Lilah turned for the path leading back to Haven, unsure if she wanted to think about the answer.

 

     “Oh no you don’t!” Two slender hands took her by the wrists and started pulling her back towards the floor. Abigail’s painted purple lips teased in a smirk, her eyes sparkling mischievously. “If we have to suffer, so do you!”

 

     Before Lilah could so much as think of a protest, Abigail spun them into the sea of dancers. They weaved between couples with purpose, the odd pace left Lilah tripping more than once but all her efforts to slow the other girl down were for nothing. Abigail flashed one more smile and, with no other warning, released her hold on Lilah’s hands and sent her stumbling to the side. She was caught immediately before she could crash into anyone else, two larger hands taking over for Abigail’s and stabilizing her.

 

     “You good?” Sebastian asked.

 

     Lilah flushed. His skin felt searing hot against hers but his hold was too firm to tug away. She looked around for Abigail through the throng, though she knew the girl was already long gone.

 

     “I’m fine,” she said at last. Sebastian nodded, looking about as awkward as she felt.

 

     “So...did you want to…” Sebastian trailed off, eyes roaming and focusing anywhere but her face. “You’re already here so...do you want to dance a bit?”

 

     Lilah blinked. Had she heard him correctly?

 

     “Are you sure? You and Abigail seemed to be having a lot of fun.”

 

     “As if,” Sebastian grimaced, already starting to move again to the music and leading her away from the other oblivious dancers. “All she was doing was making fun of me.”

 

     “About...what?” Lilah’s brain felt numb. She hadn’t thought she’d get to dance at all, much less with him. He raised one of her hands to rest on his shoulder and kept the other in his warm grip. Then, his palm rested on her waist, a siege of sparks flowing from his skin through her tank top. Her body moved on its own, muscles contracting and manipulating her feet as though puppet strings were attached to those electric fingers.

 

     “You,” He said it matter-of-factly, as though the reason should have been obvious. “She said I should have asked you to dance while I had the chance. I guess she took it upon herself to do it for me.”

 

     “I didn’t think you’d want to dance at all,” Lilah admitted.

 

     “I didn’t. I...don’t. But I knew you wouldn’t ask me to either, so I wanted...I don’t really know what I’m saying,” he groaned and shook his head, “just forget I said anything.”

 

     “Way to leave me hanging,” Lilah forced a laugh, trying to ignore the hammering inside her chest. His dark eyes rested on hers, warm but fading away.

 

     He was nervous, unsure. He’d pull away from her at any moment, apologize or backtrack, then it’d be over. She’d gotten to know him well enough to see it start worming into his thoughts. Lilah squeezed his shoulder before he could have the chance to regret opening his mouth.

 

     “I won’t make fun of you,” she promised. Sebastian was quiet but the distance in his eyes disappeared. His lips pressed against each other, brows knitting as though he was at war with the words inside his head. He pulled her a bit closer as they circled around another couple, bending his head slightly so no one else could hear him—as though the warmth of his breath near her ear didn’t make the blood roar loud enough in her veins to drown out his voice on its own.

 

     “Things just feel different with you. You haven’t once said anything to try and change me...it just feels like you understand me,” he confessed. “Sam is my best friend. He gets me better than most people. He knows I get nervous, so he usually covers for me and does all the talking that I can’t. But, there are still times when he’ll show up or message me when I’m working and expect me to drop everything. Even my own parents don’t take my job seriously or acknowledge how important it is to me. But, you always ask if it’s a good time when you come by. It’s small but it means a lot.”

 

     “So...you wanted to ask me to dance because I let you work?” Lilah asked.

 

     “No. Not really that,” Sebastian scowled and shook his head. “I don’t know how to explain it. You don’t try to force me to fit in. You don’t act like we have to go out to the saloon or anything to make hanging out together worthwhile, you know? You make me feel like I can be myself. So, I wanted to do this to thank you. I didn’t want your first festival here to be spent like an outsider, because you’re not. You’ve been...a really good friend since you got here.”

 

     Lilah smiled and rested her head against his chest. His heart thundered against her ear, fast and uneven as though he’d just confessed some terrible secret that could ruin him if it got out. She wondered if he could feel her own with their bodies this close.

 

     “Thanks, Bas. So have you.”

 

     She didn’t know when exactly the music stopped, nor when everyone else cleared the floor. She was less sure of when the field completely emptied, leaving behind piles of flower petals to be scattered and carried off by the evening breeze.

 

     None of it seemed to matter.

 

     They were still dancing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that was patient with this update! I had a lot of overtime to cover at work and it left very little time for writing anything more than a few sentences at a time. I apologize for any errors that may have resulted from this, but I’ll fix any that pop up. I hope you look forward to the next installments!


	6. Unless It All Goes Up in Smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USA National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)//1.800.787.3224 (TTY)

     The Flower Dance had long since concluded by the time Lilah found herself barefoot at the beach, sitting on the edge of the pier with the rolling waves softly kissing her toes. Sebastian sat at her right, an unlit cigarette dangling idly from his fingers as he looked out across the dark water. The atrocious blue jacket was discarded on the swollen wood behind them, leaving him in dress pants and a black graphic tee adorned with the image of a pixelated skull. The dim lamp light gave the night a dream-like quality as Lilah watched the reflection of the moon shimmer on the ocean’s surface. They hadn’t spoken a word since they sat down, but the silence seemed perfect.

 

     Something warm brushed through her hair, electrifying her scalp from the unexpected contact. Sebastian pulled his hand away as she turned towards him, a flower petal between his fingers. She couldn’t see well enough, but he turned his face away and she knew that light dusting of pink was probably spreading across his cheeks—maybe not as hot as her own cheeks in the cool night air, but most certainly present.

 

     “Sorry,” he said, quiet enough not to disrupt the peaceful atmosphere. Lilah shook her head, unsure if she could speak without her voice squeaking through the tightness in her throat. She swallowed thickly, brushing her loose hair behind an ear. He’d asked her to join him at the beach and she readily accepted, though it only occurred to her now that she didn’t know what to expect. More likely than not, this was meant to be no different from their usual hanging out. But after dancing together, so blissfully unaware of the rest of the world, she couldn’t slow her heart down.

 

     Sebastian shifted beside her, lit his smoke, and held out his pack of cigarettes toward her.

 

     “You want one? I just realized I’ve never asked if you smoke before.”

 

     “I did,” Lilah cleared her throat against the strain of her words, “I do.” Her hand throbbed with phantom pain as she looked at the pack, her awkwardly angled pinkie finger seeming that much more noticeable as she reached out to take a cigarette with quiet thanks. She held it to her lips, cursing inwardly as her fingers trembled around the lighter Sebastian provided.

 

     She cupped one hand around the top to block the breeze and flicked her thumb to spark a flame. Her hand trembled, so she tried again, only to fumble with the plastic casing.

 

     “Shit!” She cursed as it slipped out of her grip, bouncing off the deck and into the deep depths below. All the blood drained from her face, her stomach lurching into her throat as she waited for an outraged shout. “I-I’m so sorry! I’ll buy you another one!”

 

     She chanced a look at Sebastian, he stared at her with an eyebrow arched but otherwise his face was as placid as the sea.

 

     “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got a bunch back at home. Not like this is the first one I’ve lost out here,” he took a short drag, the corner of his lips twitching upwards, “Although, Willy did threaten to harpoon me if he ever fished up one of my lighters again.”

 

     The image of the old fisherman raging at them with a rusted harpoon raised in his hands was more comical than it should have been, and Lilah forced a small laugh through the knots in her stomach.

 

     “I’ll just pretend,” she said, putting the butt end of the unlit smoke between her lips. Sebastian snorted, putting his own cigarette back in his mouth and leaning forward. The tips of the cigarettes rested against each other, a soft sizzling noise crackled between their lips until both ends burned a hypnotic orange. This close, she could see just how long his eyelashes were. The way they rested just a breath away from the tops of his cheekbones as he looked at their connected cigarettes, thick and dark to the point where they were almost too pretty.

 

     He pulled away slightly, his half-lidded eyes locking with hers through those lashes in a way that made her heart do backflips. The air between them seemed tangible, each soft exhale coiled around each other in wisps of smoke that melded together.

 

     Sebastian took the cigarette out of his mouth, blinked slowly through the haze, and Lilah thought she saw him lean in once more before his eyes widened and he pulled away completely. His free hand covered his face as he all but curled into himself, hiding himself from her confused stare.

 

     “ _Damn it_ ,” he groaned.

 

     “What is it?” Lilah pressed a hand against her chest, urging her heart to calm down before it combusted. She tried not to sound disappointed, though she wasn’t really sure if she wanted to admit what she had been hoping for.

 

     “I just...that was embarrassing. Like something out of some corny movie,” he grumbled. “Can we pretend that didn’t just happen?”

 

     She could see it now, his face was practically glowing red from his embarrassment and she laughed, bumping her shoulder lightly against his to break up the tension.

 

     “And here I thought you were trying to seduce me,” she teased.

 

     “As if I could.” He took a long drag while she frowned at him, avoiding her eyes, suddenly fascinated with the weathered wood on which he sat. She wanted to ask—the questions dangling precariously on the tip of her tongue—but she bit them back. If she pressed, she knew he’d shut down completely and this whole night would be reduced to nothing. Instead, she tapped the ash off the tip of her cigarette and looked back out at the water, focusing on the sound of waves gently rolling against the rocks.

 

     “You don’t get anything like this in the city,” she said at length. “At best, I could go to the roof of my building. Even though I was probably much closer to it then, the moon still didn’t look this big.”

 

     “No?”

 

     Lilah shook her head with a small smile. Sometimes it was too easy to bring him back from the brink of isolation. A single mention of her experience in the city was all it took to snap his focus back out to the world.

 

     “The closest I could get to a view like this was when I looked out past the Zuzu bridge. When it was full, the moon would sit right in the middle of it, like the bridge was holding it up.” Holding the cigarette between the knuckles of  her middle and ring fingers, she lifted her index fingers and thumbs, bringing the thumbs together to form a “W” shape and lining the point up with the lowest curve of the moon. “Kind of like that.” She smiled.

 

     Sebastian looked at her hands, then did the same with his own, tilting his head as he looked through his fingers.

 

     “I think that’d be pretty cool to see,” he said. “If I were you, I’d have probably been up on the roof a lot.”

 

     Lilah’s smile faltered, though she covered it up with a final drag and blew the smoke out slowly.

 

     “I was,” she admitted. Though, she wondered what he would think of her if she told him how many nights she’d spent with one leg over the railing, ready for that one scene of beauty to be the last thing she ever had to look at. Sometimes it felt like the only escape. It would have been too easy to lean just a bit too far, to tumble down to the concrete below. She always backed out in the end, even now she scoffed at the irony that the only thing that kept her from jumping was the fear of it hurting too much.

 

     “I come out here a lot. Mostly to think. It’s probably the only thing I’ll miss about this place once I leave,” Sebastian confessed, snuffing his cigarette out against the damp wood beneath him.

 

     “Really?”

 

     “Well, maybe besides my mom.” He shrugged. “But I know she’ll be fine without me, maybe even better off. I always thought that if I just disappeared, it wouldn’t really matter.”

 

      A tidal wave could have crashed into her for the chill that washed through her veins. Lilah gripped his hand in both of hers, holding tightly even when his eyes stretched wide and shocked at the sudden contact. She couldn’t bear the thought—as hypocritical as it may be—of him throwing everything away like it was nothing. The much-too-late nights spent on his couch, grousing about artist changes in the latest Cave Saga X issue. The friendly competition over Prairie King and Billiards every Friday, laughing and teasing even if she proved herself a very poor loser each time. They were moments that felt right—complete. Moments when she didn’t feel like she was missing any part of herself. Moments like when they were dancing.

 

     “That’s not true, Bas,” she asserted. “You matter. I could tell even when we first met how much your mom loves you. How much Sam and Abigail love you. And you’ve been so important to me since I’ve been here, you don’t even realize how much you’ve helped me. We’d all be devastated if anything happened to you.”

 

     Sebastian stared at her for a long while. He looked at her hands clasped around his, then at her eyes—which she prayed weren’t welling up in spite of the heat burning behind them. Suddenly, he laughed and squeezed her fingers.

 

     “I didn’t mean it like that, don’t look so upset. There’s too much that I want to do to just off myself. I only meant that it’d be okay if I just packed up and left.”

 

     “Oh,” Lilah answered dumbly. Her stomach squirmed and she removed a hand from his, the other still resting comfortingly in his grasp, and awkwardly pushed her hair behind her ear. “Well, I mean, some notice would still be nice,” she amended.

 

     Residual laughter still bubbled out of him as he shook his head.

 

     “Right. Well, thanks for the reassurance, anyway. It’s still nice to hear stuff like that, even if I’m not about to throw myself off this pier in a fit of existential dread.”

 

     “Yeah, yeah,” Lilah grumbled, daring to move close enough to rest against his shoulder. He stiffened for a fraction of a second before she felt the gentle weight of his head rest against hers.

 

     “You know...I’m going to miss you, too.”

 

     “You’d better.”

* * *

  


     The walk to Haven Farm was always long, and yet somehow not nearly long enough. The moon was high above them, bathing the cobblestone streets of Pelican Town in a silver glow that lit the way as well as any street lamp. The town itself was silent, most everyone already dead asleep by this time of night—just after 2:00 a.m. according to Sebastian’s cellphone. He hadn’t intended to stay out for so long, or keep Lilah with him the whole time. Not that she complained.

 

     She still smiled at him, soft but bright, as though she weren’t tired at all despite how she stumbled over her feet as they walked. Sebastian kept his grip on her hand just tight enough to keep her steady as he walked her home. Her palm nestled against his was natural in a way that he wasn’t sure he’d ever understand. When he and Sam had met, Sebastian knew inherently that they’d be close friends. It wasn’t so much different now, with her. Something inside his primal brain knew that there was a connection that couldn’t be replicated or replaced. There was only Lilah.

 

     Somehow, that was terrifying.

 

     His plans wouldn’t change. He would still leave Pelican Town—leave the valley as a whole. He would miss his friends, of course he would, but he didn’t feel torn at all when it came to the thought of leaving Sam and Abigail behind when they would be a simple bus ride away. The distance didn’t seem so far when they already communicated through text and instant messaging every day as it was, whether they met up or not. But, maybe it was because of how unplugged Lilah was— no cellphone, no computer, and she only had her television ordered a week ago— she may as well be light-years away once he left.

 

     He tightened his grip a fraction, like the weight in his hand would vanish into a cloud of smoke if he wasn’t careful. He walked her up the steps to her front door but still couldn’t bring himself to release her until she squeezed his hand.

 

     “Hey,” her voice had been growing groggy for the past hour, and it was barely over a whisper now, “I had a lot of fun today.”

 

     “Yeah? I’m glad. I mean...I had fun too,” Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. Lilah smiled up at him, her hand still held in his. She looked like she was waiting for something, though he wasn’t sure what. “So...see you tomorrow?”

 

     Lilah blinked. She stared at him for a moment, then dissolved into a fit of giggles. Sebastian arched an eyebrow but she only shook her head and gave him a quick hug, turning to unlock the front door. Lumos was waiting inside, meowing as she opened the door and immediately rubbed the length of his body against her calves.

 

     “See you tomorrow, Bas,” She grinned. Sebastian nodded, giving the kitten a stroke as it wandered up to him before it scurried after Lilah back inside. He made sure he heard her door lock before he started for the mountain path, wishing he had brought his hoodie to protect his neck from the cool spring air. Summer was right around the corner, yet nights like this still felt colder than they should have been. It always felt colder when he left Haven.

 

     He’d planned to sneak inside and get straight to bed. Everyone was bound to be fast asleep, so as long as he was quiet there wouldn’t be an issue. But as he rounded the fence, he noticed the porch light on and Demetrius leaning against the front door. His arms were crossed, a deep frown wrinkling his face.

 

     “What’s up?” Sebastian asked.

 

     Demetrius scowled. He said nothing as he picked up a small black duffel bag, tossing it towards Sebastian. He recognized it immediately, before it crashed against his chest— the bong inside smacked against his sternum before he could catch it in his arms.

 

     “...Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Made it! I've been a bit of a brat and working on two other story ideas besides this one so this update came out a bit later than I intended it to. Slow burn is pretty slow but not for much longer! Thank you for reading! If anyone is curious, I have a list on my profile which shows my current update plans. It gives a general idea of what order I will be posting stories I'm working on so it's easier to determine how long the wait will be between updates.


	7. Not All Who Are Lost Need Be Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USA National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)//1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
> 
> This chapter was almost 4,000 words. I had to split it in half to make it manageable. But luckily, I have the first half of the next chapter already written thanks to that!
> 
> Thank you so much for everyone who is reading, commenting, leaving kudos, etc. I am so happy that you're enjoying the story!

     Lilah was usually awakened nowadays by the insistent swatting of Lumos’s paws against her face, his demanding meowing shattering her dreams no matter how deeply she was drifting inside them. The rapid pounding against her door, frantic and endless, was something else entirely. It reverberated through the entire cabin, shook the floorboards, and Lilah shot up in bed with her heart in her throat and hair tangled around her neck.

 

     “I’m coming!” She shouted over the frantic knocking, but her impromptu visitor didn’t seem to hear her. She grabbed some sweatpants off the floor and shimmied them over her hips, hurrying to her door and unhooking  the several chains she’d had installed and twisting the thumb-turn lock open.

 

     Robin pulled her hand back as Lilah opened the door. Her ginger brows were skewed with concern and her green eyes looked past Lilah to scan the inside of the cabin.

 

     “Is Sebastian here?” She was breathless, voice thick with emotion.

 

     “No, I haven’t seen him since last night.” Lilah frowned.

 

     Robin swayed and Lilah barely caught her before she crumbled to her knees and wailed.

 

     “I was so sure he was here,” she cried.

 

     Lilah looked at the sobbing woman in her arms and felt her insides freeze over. Robin always seemed so cheerful, it was terrifying to feel the heat of her tears drenching Lilah’s T-shirt. She carefully pat Robin’s back, unsure of what to say to calm her down, her own thoughts running rampant as she tried to piece together the reason she was even in this situation.

 

     “Robin, what happened? What’s going on?”

 

     It took a few more moments, but Robin finally calmed herself. She took a shaking breath and scrubbed her face with her hands. She seemed almost afraid to meet Lilah’s eyes, worrying her lower lip between her teeth as she pulled away and crossed her arms against her abdomen.

 

     “Sebastian is gone...he’s missing.”

 

     “Missing?” Robin may as well have been speaking Gotoro for all the sense she made. Lilah couldn’t imagine any truth to her words, her mind couldn’t even accept the idea. Why would Sebastian be missing? She had just seen him last night— laughed with him, smiled with him. He’d seemed so happy.

 

     “Demetrius found...I guess Sebastian has been smoking pot in his room. I tried to tell him that Sebby is an adult, but he was angry so he waited outside until he got home,” Robin sniffled and covered her face, “I don’t really know what happened. When Demetrius finally came to bed, he told me everything was handled so I just...let it go. I thought I’d talk to Sebby today and get his side of everything but him and his motorcycle were gone when I woke up!”

 

     “Maybe...maybe Sam or Abigail know something?”

 

     “I tried them first. I thought that since you two were having such a nice date last night that he may have come back here but...no one knows where he’s gone and his phone is turned off.”

 

     Lilah shook her head against the sudden dizziness that overtook her. Sebastian couldn’t be gone for good. He wouldn’t have left without telling someone...she hoped. She took Robin’s hands and squeezed them, giving her a small smile.

 

     “I’ll go talk to them. We’ll find him or at least get a hold of him and make sure he’s okay. I promise.”

 

     “Thank you...I’m going to try calling him again.”

 

     Lilah rushed back inside after Robin started home, tying her hair up and pulling on her boots. Lumos meowed in question, orange eyes curious and unaware of the storm rolling deep in her chest. She quickly left some food for him and dashed out the door. She wasn’t even off her farmland before she spotting Sam and Abigail running past the bus stop. She met them halfway, the worry on their faces was more than enough to tell her what they were coming for.

 

     “You’ve heard?” Sam asked.

 

     “Robin just left. You haven’t been able to reach him at all?”

 

     “No, we’ve both been calling him nonstop,” Abigail lamented. “It goes straight to voicemail.”

 

     “We’ve put together a list of where he usually goes around town to cool off. We thought it’d be faster if the three of us searched together,” Sam pulled a folded up paper from his jeans and held it out to Lilah.

 

     “Robin said his motorcycle was missing,” Lilah said with a grimace, reading over the list. “Are you sure he’s still in town?”

 

     “He had to sleep somewhere,” Sam said. “His bike is pretty big so it should be hard to miss. I’m sure he wouldn’t go too far from it.”

 

     “Okay...I’ll check the forest,” Lilah offered.

 

     “Sounds good. I’m going to hit the beach and Abigail said she’ll check the mines.”

 

     “The mines?” Lilah frowned. It seemed like too risky a place to go clear one’s head. She’d heard stories about the caverns that lurked beneath the town through Saloon gossip. The dank tunnels were riddled with wildlife and the risk of cave-ins, she truly hoped Sebastian wouldn’t brave its depths just to hide out for a while.

 

     “He sneaks in there sometimes,” Abigail revealed. “He knows his way through pretty well and he showed me around a couple of times. I can check the most obvious areas with no problem.”

 

     Lilah nodded, and with the agreement to meet up at the Saloon in two hours to report, they went their separate ways. She cut through the brush still littering Haven to reach the forest. It was a large area to cover by herself, but she tried to stick to areas that someone would be able to ride a motorcycle through. She watched where she was walking, searching for any signs of tire tracks or hints that a vehicle might have driven by.

 

     It wasn’t long until she found herself deep in the forest, the remnants of the Flower Dance still scattered around her. Flower garlands, streamers, balloons, none of it had been cleaned up yet. The party had been so lively, so full of joy, to see it as it was now was unsettling. It was as though the party-goers hadn’t just returned home, instead, they’d been spirited away along with Sebastian.

 

     She stood in the center of the dance floor. Yesterday felt so long ago, the happiness she’d felt gently swaying to the music. The peace that had settled inside her, made her feel like everything would finally work out in her favor, was replaced by the gnarled knots of anxiety settling deep inside her, hooking into her stomach. She wanted to be positive. She wanted to believe that even if she didn’t find Sebastian here, Sam or Abigail surely would. But, standing there, with the empty festival field stretching farther and farther out around her, she knew.

 

     Sebastian was no longer in the Valley.

* * *

 

     Sebastian sighed and splashed the cold water running from the convenience store’s bathroom sink into his face. He’d be the first to admit that he could act impulsively at times, his agitation taking control of his body like a demonic possession. He looked at his tired reflection, the dark circles under his eyes even more prominent after his night spent curled up on a rest stop bench. He shook his head, drying his face with the thin brown paper towels hanging from a rusted dispenser. Maybe he had taken it too far.

 

     Zuzu City was as grand as it had always been. The sun glistened off the skyscrapers, the streets were flooded with cars and pedestrians all blissfully unaware of the world around them. The city was so alive even when he had arrived so early that morning. So many people usually caused nothing but anxiety for him, but he knew, to them, he didn’t even exist. They didn’t care about what he did for a living, what sort of vehicle he drove, what he ate...what he smoked. He was exactly what he had always wanted to be: invisible.

 

     Yet, he couldn’t stave off the twisting ache in the pit of his stomach. The coiling, barbed sensation of knowing he had done something terribly wrong. It was an odd feeling. He was right where he had always wanted to be. His payment for his last job had just been transferred to his account and the sky was the limit at this point. He was just an email away from being signed on as a permanent programmer and starting his most coveted life of being a city-dweller, but he couldn’t bring himself to send it.

 

     He shouldered the door open and stepped out of the bathroom. He shook his hair out and wandered through the store, needing coffee and something to eat before he took the long drive back out to Pelican Town. He’d have to retrieve his belongings from his room before he could even start to think about accepting the job and moving to the city, anyway. There was no reason to jump on a job offer that was already his until he was completely prepared. It’d be stupid just to grab an apartment but without any of his computers or clothing. He couldn’t afford to go that crazy. Not to mention…

 

_Some notice would still be nice…_

 

     Sebastian grimaced. He could still hear Lilah’s voice in his head, how concerned she’d been for his wellbeing. He felt like he couldn’t do anything until he told her first— like he had made a promise with her last night as they talked about the moon balancing on the same bridge he had just driven over. He dared to think that she would be worried about him when she found out he was gone. He was disappointed in himself when he realized he _hoped_ she’d be worried— It was a sick thing to wish on someone. The least he could do was tell her he was okay before packing up his entire life and leaving the Valley behind.

 

     He grabbed a can of double espresso shot and an energy bar and headed for the cashier. His mind was exhausted, it was the only reason he was so fixated on her. She energized him in ways that he would never understand. He usually felt so drained after spending time with other people, but whenever she’d leave his room for the night and head home, he’d be left amped up and inspired to work for several more hours before succumbing to sleep. Something resided in her storm-churned eyes that electrified his mind more than caffeine ever could.

 

     He wished he could catch even a glance from her to wake him for the trip home…

 

     And then he did.

 

     As the cashier rang out his purchase, all his air left him in a rush. Lilah’s face stared out at him from a poster taped to the back of the register. Sebastian blinked, scrubbed at his eyes with his hand, but she was still there. Pretty silver eyes, pointed nose, and pink lips on a heart-shaped face framed by onyx-black hair, there was no mistaking her. He tugged the flyer free and poured over it, numbly paying for his meal and taking the paper with him outside.

  


**MISSING— SUICIDAL**

 

**Name: Lilah Marie Casey**

**D.O.B: 04/11/XX**

**Age: 25**

**Lilah Marie Casey was last seen on March 2nd at the Zuzu City Bus Depot. She was last seen wearing a dark red camisole, ripped blue “skinny” jeans, lace up black boots, and carrying a large backpack. Casey made multiple suicidal statements, including a desire to commit suicide by cop, to her fiance and is possibly armed. Female is reported to suffer from mental illness, is unmedicated, and has multiple self-inflicted injuries on her person. Casey is considered to be a threat to herself and others and should be approached with caution.**

 

**Any information should be passed on to Detective Emery Rowe of the Zuzu Metropolitan Police Department. Reference Case Number XX-11726.**

 

     It had to be a mistake. The picture was clearly Lilah but what he read seemed all wrong. Lilah did have multiple injuries on her when they’d first met, but she couldn’t have done them all herself, could she? And as far as he could tell, she hadn’t had anything fresh since— minus a few minor scrapes and cuts from working the farm. She may have been a bit reserved at first, but she seemed so positive now. She frightened easily but there wasn’t anything that made him feel like she was threat to anyone.

 

     She told him he mattered. She panicked when she thought he was talking about killing himself. Was that something suicidal people did? He didn’t know.The Lilah he knew was different from what the flyer was trying to tell him. She smiled and laughed easily when they were together, teased him and their friends like they’d known each other for years. But, a dark feeling settled in the back of his mind. That was only the Lilah he knew.

 

     He didn’t know anything about her from before she came to the Valley. She talked about the city when pressed but otherwise he couldn’t remember her ever mentioning anything personal about her past. He knew nothing about her family except that her grandfather used to own Haven before he left it to her. He didn’t know anything about her parents or if she had any siblings.

 

     He didn’t know she had a fiance.

 

     His eyes rested on that one word, unable to look away. His chest felt as though gravity had increased one hundred fold, mercilessly crushing him to the ground, shattering his sternum and stabbing splinters of bone through his heart. He knew he was in no position to be upset that she didn’t tell him, they were just friends— and it was better that way. But the more he stared at those three syllables, the more he felt like he had been betrayed.

 

     Why would she have lied about something like that?

 

     Why would she make a point to tell him not to leave without notice, emphasize on how much people loved him and would miss him, when it seemed like she was guilty of doing just that?

 

     There was a phone number at the bottom, a tip line for the Police Department. His phone battery had drained hours ago, so he wouldn’t be able to call unless he used a business’s phone or went to the Metro PD directly. He wondered if he should. Wouldn’t it be better for her to be back with the people that cared enough about her to report her missing?

 

     Sebastian folded the flyer up and shoved it into his pocket. He leaned against his bike. His body felt sluggish from lack of sleep and yet his thoughts were racing with no end in sight. He reached into his bag and pulled out the double shot and popped the tab.

 

     Coffee first, decisions later.


	8. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! SEE THOSE TAGS UP THERE? KEEP THEM IN MIND! DARK THEMES, SADISTIC ABUSER, PLEASE AND THANK YOU! THIS IS NOT A DRILL, REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
> 
> USA National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)//1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
> 
> Woo! We made it! Thank you everyone for enjoying this story. This chapter is extra long, more than double the length of my standard upload. I hope that makes up for the delay in posting (I meant for this to be up on the first week of January *sweats*). This chapter was rewritten so many times, is a bit more dialogue heavy, and was very difficult emotionally to write for (I imagine) obvious reasons. Lilah goes fairly in depth when it comes to her life with Emery, and I hope you keep this warning in mind as you continue. Thank you everyone for your encouraging comments! When I felt too overwhelmed, it helped me to go back and read them to remind myself how much you guys enjoy Lilah's story. This fic is so important to me for personal reasons and it means the world to me that it's been so well received.
> 
> Please continue to support this story and Lilah's journey. Super fluffy chapter coming next update to make up for this one, so I hope you look forward to it!

     The two hours passed by in a blink. Lilah had searched everywhere she could reach: scoured the dirt roads for tire tracks, climbed trees, and looked over the edge of cliffs with the cold fear that she’d see Sebastian sprawled out at the bottom. She was relieved that she hadn’t stumbled across anything morbid, but it wasn’t enough to put her heart completely at ease. Back at their rendezvous point of the Saloon, none of them had to say a word to each other to know they all had failed. Lilah’s body may as well have been made of stone with how sluggishly she moved by the end of her search. Her arms were littered with burs and thorns, the worst of which she was able to pick out by hand while they sat at their table but the rest were imbedded too deep in the gashes they’d created. She’d need to dig them out with tweezers when she returned home.

 

     Abigail’s downcast face was covered with coal dust and dirt coated her clothes and knees. Her hair was tangled, wildly curling around her face and knotted near her neck. The ribbon usually tying her bangs back was wrapped around her hand as a makeshift bandage, just as filthy as the rest of her. She folded her arms on top of the table and rested her face in the crook of her elbows. Lilah couldn’t tell if she was resting or crying.

 

     Sam’s jeans were drenched with seawater and crusted with sand. His bangs were matted to his forehead with sweat and a light sunburn dusted the bridge of his nose. He called Sebastian’s cell again and again, desperation seeping into his voice with each message left until the mailbox was full. His eyes screwed shut and he pressed the phone to his forehead, gritting his teeth with barely contained frustration before placing the phone screen-down against the table.

 

     “There has to be some place we’ve missed,” he muttered. Abigail raised her face, eyelids drooping with exhaustion.

 

     “He could still be in the mines. I’ve just never gone any deeper than the 5th floor.” She grimaced. “Should I go back?”

 

     “No, you’ve done enough,” Lilah assured her. Gus arrived with a tray of ice waters and set it down in front of them. Lilah took hers in both hands, watching the condensation pearl at the rim and roll down the glass. Her mouth was dry and she was definitely dehydrated, but staring into the clear water made her stomach roll and she feared nerves would make her vomit the liquid back up. Abigail, however, gulped hers down greedily, water trickling from the sides of her mouth, leaving streaks in the dirt and grime coating her skin.

 

     “Let’s just get cleaned up and regroup,” Sam muttered, drinking his own water slowly. He checked his phone once more, no new notifications lighting up the screen.

 

     Lilah reluctantly agreed. There was nothing left to do except wait and hope he’d come back, no matter how helpless it made them feel. Even with the three of them sitting together, Pelican town felt so empty. Lilah hadn’t felt this way since she had first come to the Valley. It was odd to think about how reliant she had become on Sebastian’s presence— how just knowing he was there, somewhere, was comforting— but now that he was gone, missing without a trace, the entire town felt unnaturally chilly and unwelcoming.

 

     Leaving her water untouched at the table, Lilah left the saloon with a heavy heart. Her legs burned with fatigue and her arms stung from the burs still in her skin, but that didn’t compare to the thorns wrapped around her heart. She hoped Sebastian called Sam back soon. If she knew he was okay, healthy and safe, then it was all she could ask for. She tried to stay positive, reassured herself that Sebastian would return on his own and things would go back to normal. She didn’t want to think of the possibility that he never would. There were too many emotions swirling inside her where he was concerned. None of which she was willing to put a name to just yet, but she would regret it forever if he wasn’t there when she finally did.

 

     Maybe it was selfish to ask him to wait around just for that.

 

     As Haven came into view, all the fear and anxiety she’d felt since that morning coiled up and snapped, leaving her breathless and weak enough in the knees that she stumbled over her feet. The bright blue motorcycle parked near the shower was enough to send her heart racing. Seeing Sebastian sitting on her front steps, back hunched casually with a lit cigarette hanging from his lips, got her running.

 

     He snuffed his cigarette out in the dirt and stood, no doubt alerted by the slap of her boots against gravel. He turned to her, eyes widening as she threw her arms around him before he even got the chance to greet her. Her heart was fit to burst, batting against her ribs like the wings of an an agitated hawk trapped in a cage, talons striking the bars of her bones. His hands hovered at her sides for a fraction of a second before his arms hesitantly wrapped around her waist and returned her embrace.

 

     “Where did you go?” Lilah’s voice sounded weak, even to her own ears. She wondered for a brief moment if she was hallucinating, if his familiar scent filled her senses from memory alone and his warmth was a mere specter in his stead.

 

     “I just needed to clear my head,” his voice was rough, as though he hadn’t gotten so much as a wink of sleep all night. He loosened his arms and reached behind his head, gently taking Lilah’s wrists in his hands and extricating himself from her hold. “Listen, Lilah. I need to talk to you about…” his words withered away, eyes fixated on her arms littered with fresh cuts and  dried blood.

 

     “Don’t worry about this, it’s not as bad as it looks,” Lilah assured him. “We all got a bit messy while we were out.”

 

     “We?” Sebastian asked, though Lilah didn’t think he actually needed her to elaborate. His brows furrowed, face contorting as though she had just sucker punched him square in the stomach. “What the hell were you guys doing?!”

 

     Lilah shifted on her feet. He looked stricken enough without her revealing that searching for him was the reason their merry band of misfits looked so rough. She worried her lower lip, trying to determine the best way to explain their expeditions without worrying him further.

 

     “This is my fault, isn’t it? Fuck…”

 

     “No!” Lilah squeezed his hands, chest tightening at his miserable downcast eyes. “It’s not your fault. We just wanted to make sure you were okay, we just didn’t know where to look so we split up. We’re all fine, everyone will be so happy to know that you’re back.”

 

     He didn’t seem convinced. He only stared down at her arms, thumbs idly smoothing themselves along her gripping fingers in a way that made her head float.

 

     “Bas, why don’t you come inside? I can get cleaned up and we can talk like you wanted,” she offered, hoping she didn’t sound as desperate as she felt to keep him close. He didn’t answer for a moment, but nodded his head once she gave his hands a pleading squeeze. He kept one hand firmly in his grip as he led her up the steps. His eyes stayed glued to their entwined fingers as she unlocked the door and let him inside.

 

     “Go sit down,” he said as soon as the door closed. “First aid kit still in the cabinet?”

 

     He was already walking towards her kitchenette before she could confirm. She obediently sat at the small pine table she’d appropriated as a dining table while he retrieved the kit and a small bowl of clean water. He shook his head when she reached for it, a comfortable silence lulling between them as Sebastian retrieved the tweezers and antiseptic from the small plastic case.

 

     “I can take care of it,” Lilah insisted. She reached her palm out to take the tweezers, not expecting Sebastian to take the opportunity to seize her hand and carefully start cleaning the dried blood from her arm with a cloth from the bowl of water.

 

     “This happened while you were looking for me. I can handle this much.” He finished wiping her arm down and grabbed the tweezers. He was clumsier than Doc Harvey, but his eyes narrowed with concentration as he carefully extracted the first thorn.

 

     Lilah’s heart tangled up in barbs of emotion as she watched him treat her injuries. She knew every spot that very arm had been broken, fractured, and splintered. She knew where each boot-print and bruise had been, could trace them out with a marker from memory if requested. She had been yanked and thrown around by that arm like she was nothing, and worth even less. But, Sebastian held her hand so delicately, as if she would shatter if he put even the slightest amount of pressure on her skin. He was so soft every time he touched her. He treated her like something precious when she couldn’t have been further from it if she tried.

 

     She squeezed her eyes shut against the thought. It wasn’t true. No matter how many times she had to remind herself that everything she had once thought about herself was wrong, Emery’s voice still kept seeping in through the cracks in her defenses. She wondered if she’d ever truly be rid of him—of the dark words he branded into the back of her mind and carved across her skin.

 

     “Sorry, does it hurt?” Sebastian asked. Lilah’s eyes shot open, the grimace on his face dousing her with guilt. 

 

     “No, not really. It stings a bit but that’s not because of you. You’re really gentle,” Lilah forced her best smile **,** relieved when Sebastian nodded and continued cleaning her arm. “So, you never mentioned why you left...or where you went.”

 

     Sebastian sighed, dampening a cotton ball with some antiseptic and swiping it over her broken skin.

 

     “It was stupid,” he admitted. “Demetrius overreacted. Maybe I did too.” He double checked her arm before taking the other and inspecting it for leftover thorns. “He went down into my room— I still don’t know why— but he found this bag under my bed.”

 

     Lilah arched an eyebrow as he fell silent again, as though he wasn’t sure how to tell her what exactly had happened.

 

     “So...what? He found your porn stash?”

 

     The tweezers clattered to the table. Sebastian’s face burned scarlet as he stuttered with wide eyes. He reeled so far back, Lilah thought he might tumble from his chair.

 

     “ _No_!”

 

     Lilah laughed, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes as Sebastian covered his face and groaned. Eventually, he rubbed his hands along his face and his laughter mingled with hers. He shook his head and shot her a smile that shattered her inside in all the best ways—unrestrained and warm as daybreak. She could see the stress of the day weighing on him just as much as it did her in the dark circles under his eyes, but his laughter brought life back into his face. Even when he retrieved the tweezers from the table and resumed his inspection, his lips curled delicately—privately, just for her.

 

     “I have more than enough hard drives so that no one will ever find my stash,” He assured her.

 

     “Challenge accepted.” Lilah grinned when he laughed again, his thumb running along the underside of her wrist in a way that she wasn’t sure he even knew he was doing it. She relaxed under his touch, even the pinch of thorns being extracted couldn’t cut through the buzz beneath her skin from the warmth he infused her with.

 

     “It was a bong,” he said after a moment. “I haven’t even smoked in months, but that didn’t really matter to him.” A bitter laugh, then, “he was more worried that I had given some to Maru, do you believe that? He accused me of trying to fuck up her future.”

 

     “Seriously?” Lilah wrinkled her nose.

 

     “He told me she was going places and he ‘wouldn’t tolerate’ anyone messing that up for her. He didn’t believe me when I told him I wouldn’t have spent the money to get the shit here to Pelican Town just to share it with my stuffy half-sister. She probably wouldn’t even know what to do if I offered her a cigarette, much less pot.” Sebastian rolled his eyes and cleaned the dots of blood beading from where he’d removed a particularly deep thorn. “He told me he wouldn’t have any drugs under his roof, I pointed out it was technically my mom’s roof, and so he told me to get out and not come back until I straightened myself out.”

 

     “Shit,” Lilah sighed.

 

     “Shit,” he agreed. “He let me in to grab my wallet and keys and change out of my suit, but then he escorted me out like I was some sort of criminal. I got on my bike and just drove, tossed the bag somewhere on the highway and before I knew it, I was driving over Zuzu Bridge. I considered just staying there, you know? I could have just gotten some apartment downtown and never come back.”

 

     “Why didn’t you?”

 

     Sebastian didn’t answer right away. He finished disinfecting her arm and cleaned the tweezers off with a sanitizing wipe, stashing it back in the first aid kit.

 

     “You asked me to tell you before I left for good. I didn’t have anyway to do that without coming back to Pelican Town.”

 

     Lilah’s chest tightened and she bit her lip.

 

     “So...did you just come back to say goodbye?”

 

     “No. I don’t know,” Sebastian shook his head. “While I was there, all I could think about was wishing I could see you. I was so tired but...I knew I would have felt better if you had been there with me. I would have been able to think clearly.” He naturally took both her hands in his. “Sorry, I don’t really know what I’m saying.”

 

     “It’s okay.” Lilah squeezed his hands, feeling her chest flutter at his words.

     “...I need to ask you about something.” His eyes met hers with such an intensity, it knocked the air out of her lungs. She couldn’t do anything but nod when met with that expression— as if just asking her to cooperate filled him with pain. He released her hands and reached into his pocket, retrieving a folded piece of paper and offering it to her. His lips pressed into a grim line as she accepted it. “I saw this while I was in the city.”

 

     Lilah unfolded the paper, scanning over its contents with a frown. She saw a picture that she vaguely remembered having taken on her 23rd birthday, her name and birthdate, but her mind rejected the words that littered the rest of page. The more she read, then re-read, then re-read again, the faster her heart pounded. Her blood froze inside of her, stomach rolling and throat constricting as the entire room seemed to drop twenty degrees.

 

     “Bas, what is this?” Her voice squeaked, and she regretted speaking immediately as she wasted what little breath she had left. Her body began to rebel against her, she couldn’t hold the flyer still enough to read it any longer, her entire form wracked with shivers that rattled the table they sat at and her vision swam black.

     

     “It was hanging up in a convenience store. Lilah, hang on…”

 

     Lilah pushed away from the table, desperately trying to get air into her lungs. Her violent gasps thundered in her own ears and she gripped the flyer as though it could keep her standing. How many people had seen it by now? Had Sebastian called them and told Emery where she was? Was Emery on his way to the valley now?

 

     “What do I do?” she cried. “That son of a bitch, why would he do this?!” She already knew the answer. He had always warned her, told her she wouldn’t survive without him so he would never let her go. She was his and his alone. Yet, still, she pleaded. “Why? Why, why, why, why, _why_?!”

 

     “Lilah, stop! Try and calm down,” Sebastian called out to her. His arms wrapped around her, securing her to his body even as her hands slapped against his chest in panic as her wails morphed into hyperventilations. “Please just listen,” he spoke low, just enough to reach her ears over her gasping, “I didn’t call them. I didn’t tell anyone anything about you. I wanted to find out about it from you first. Please, just breathe.”

 

     “ _I can’t_.”

 

     “You can.” He held her closer and took a slow, deep breath, his chest expanding and moving her body with it. He let it out even slower, then did it again. He repeated it over and over, gently rocking her body with his breathing until she started to mimic him. She still sobbed into his shirt but once she got her breathing under control, he gently pet her hair. “Good. Good job.”

 

     “Bas…” Lilah didn’t know what she wanted, but saying his name was all her mind could manage without spiraling deeper into a panic. His warmth anchored her to the present, his arms engulfing her senses until nothing else existed around her but him.

 

     “You’re okay,” he reassured her. “I don’t know what this is about, but I’m here if you’re willing to tell me. I believe you, no matter what it is.”

 

     Lilah looked up at his face. His deep brown eyes were warm, honest, and so full of concern that she felt absolutely disgusting under his gaze. How could he look at her like that? How could he meet her panicked eyes with his and offer such sincere assurances?

 

     “I’m sorry.” She tried not to lose it again. “I don’t deserve to have you be so worried about me.”

 

     “That’s not true,” Sebastian insisted. “It has nothing to do with being deserving or not. I’m worried because I don’t know what’s going on. I want to help you, but I don’t know how to fix this.”

 

     “I’m not sure you can,” Lilah lamented. She pressed herself closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and taking a deep breath to keep herself calm. “But, this helps for now.”

 

     “Alright. Let’s sit you down and get you relaxed a bit more, okay?”

 

     Lilah nodded. She let him lead her to the bed and sat down obediently when he left her to clean up the table. She still clutched the flyer in her hand, the page crumpled from the force of her fist but still painfully legible when she smoothed it out on her lap. It terrified her that Emery would go so far as to use his position in the Metro PD to attempt to find her, it scared her even more that the more she read the BOLO, the more she started to question if it was true. He had covered all the bases, there was no way Lilah could even try to talk her way out of trouble if someone were to confront her about it. She almost couldn’t even believe her own excuses for running away when presented with the information printed beneath her picture.

 

     “Lilah,” Sebastian’s voice snapped her to attention. He held a glass of water out to her, shoulders visibly relaxing when she abandoned the flyer to take the cup with both hands. She sipped it slowly, her heart still thundered with anxiety and she didn’t want to drink too fast and trick her body into thinking she was suffocating again. Sebastian took the flyer from her lap and shoved it back into his pocket.

 

     “I’ll throw it out so no one else will see it,” he told her when she looked up at him. He had no reason to trust her when she wouldn’t even tell him anything yet he was still protecting her. Lilah worried she might start crying again, especially when he took her empty glass and gathered her up in his arms. He seemed so thin when she would see him from a distance, it was easy to forget until she was pressed up against him that his shoulders were broad and secure. She felt safe, like no one would ever be able to find her if she stayed in his hold. She rested her head against his chest and swallowed thickly, her fingers curled into the fabric of his hoodie.

 

       She fought through the voice in the back of her head. It shouted for her to run, to leave Pelican Town behind and find another place where no one knew her. It whispered that this was all a trick, that the warmth encompassing her inside and out was only a ploy for someone else to dig their talons into her skin and rip her apart until she was well and truly broken beyond repair. It jeered and taunted her, condemned her, cursed her. But every time Sebastian moved to better cradle her against his body, it ceased like a phantom horrified by the dawn.

 

     “I ran away,” she said softly, and once the words started tumbling out of her lips she realized she wouldn’t stop. 

 

     She would tell him everything.

 

* * *

 

  
  
     Sebastian had known the moment he saw her back at Haven: everything on that flyer was a lie. How could it be possible that someone considered “a danger to herself and others” could search so intensely for him and show so much joy at his return that she completely disregarded her own injuries? The thorns in her arms, no matter how guilty they made him feel, were physical proof that Lilah cared more about the safety of others than her own and couldn’t intentionally harm another person. He shocked himself by how relieved he was at that revelation, and relaxed as they had laughed together inside her cabin as though nothing had happened. When he brought the flyer up to her, he had expected surprise. He had expected perhaps anger at the person who would print such blatant lies about her and plaster it around the city.

 

     He hadn’t expected the horror that slowly overcame her features as she read over it. He hadn’t expected her to panic like a caged animal, desperate to put as much distance between her and anything else that could get near her. He had feared she would take off running, so he’d grabbed her. Even now, though she was calmly speaking to him on her bed, he still held her as tight as he comfortably could. He listened intently, desperate to know everything he could so he could better shield her from whatever nightmare had triggered such a terrifying response out of her.

 

     “I ran away. The reason why I came to Pelican Town is because I had nowhere else to go,” she revealed. She was warm in his lap but she still shivered as she clung to him, seeming so much smaller against him than she normally did. “I’d only visited Gramps a few times as a kid but he was always the closest relative I had. Mom and Dad were alright, I know they loved me at the time but they could be pretty intense if I didn’t act exactly how they wanted me to. They divorced when I was really young and split custody so I was always bouncing back and forth between them. I haven’t spoken to either of them in five years though. They disowned me when I moved in with Emery.”

 

     Lilah laughed, dry and humorless as she shook her head.

 

     “ I was sixteen when we started dating. He was nineteen and had just started working for the local police department. Dad _hated_ him. He said he was a user and I’d ruin my life if I stayed with him. But I knew _everything_ and I thought Emery was the key to finally being free to be myself. When I finally graduated high school, he told me to move away with him. I was in love, so I said yes. Looking back now, I didn’t even have to answer. It was an order just like everything else but I just thought it was romantic that he was taking me away from everything I’d always hated. I packed up everything and moved to Zuzu City with him, far away from my parents and friends. I was scared but it was the only agency that would hire him after he was fired. He made it out to be this huge opportunity for us to get our lives going.”

 

     She fell silent. Sebastian could see her pulse thumping along the side of her neck, watched the pearl white glinting of her teeth  gnawing at the rose-pink flesh of her full lower lip. Her eyes were cloudy and distant as they stared across the cabin. He was too afraid to speak up and ask her to continue, nervous that she’d decide not to tell him anything after all. He covered her hand with his, tangled their fingers together, and squeezed. Lilah blinked, turning those eyes up to him, open and vulnerable. He nodded his head once in encouragement and she smiled weakly, squeezing his hand back and taking a deep breath.

 

     “We weren’t there a month before things started to change. I hadn’t even completely unpacked but he threw out all the boxes that had my books and comics. He said since we were in a new city, starting a new life, it might not be a bad idea to find new hobbies too. I was upset with him, but he told me it was my fault for not labeling them correctly if they weren't trash. He convinced me eventually that it really was my fault and I never mentioned it again.

     Then, I started a new job at a bar around the corner. I made some new friends but Emery didn’t like them, so he told me to stop seeing them. He punched me and broke my nose for the first time that night. Again, he convinced me that it was my fault— that he had to do it because I was spending more time with them and neglecting him. He told me how I was so selfish for being angry at him for feeling lonely and not doing anything to make up for it. He started to set such strict rules for our apartment and if I broke them, he’d come up with some new way to punish me. Before I knew it, he’d made me quit smoking and quit my job. He made me delete every number but his from my phone and would check the call log every day to make sure I didn’t talk to anyone without his permission. At first, I tried to sneak a few things for myself in sometimes—I think I would have gone crazy otherwise. But, one day he caught me smoking outside in the alley and...”

 

     Lilah shifted and lowered the waistband of her jeans down her hip, revealing several  perfectly round scars darkening her pale skin and ice-cold fury shot through his body. Bitter curses rose in the back of his throat but he forced them down. It was all he could do to focus his energy on keeping a firm hold of her hand and his breathing even, though he could feel his palms sweating against her trembling body.

 

     “I think he had fun thinking up ways to punish me. Sometimes, it just seemed like he hurt me just because he wanted to. I don’t know if there was ever a time when I didn’t have some sort of bruise or fracture. Eventually, I just accepted that...that this was what I deserved. I really believed that he was hurting me because I was a horrible person and I was lucky that he loved me so much to try and fix me. So, I put up with it for...four years, it must have been. Until...Until I found out that I was…”

 

     The sob that ripped itself from her throat startled him the most out of everything that day. It was inhuman, so full of despair and weakness that Sebastian wasn’t sure what he had heard until he saw the tears once again pouring down her cheeks. He could see her desperately trying to rein her emotions in, how she pressed her hand against her mouth and tried to breathe deep through her nose despite the sobs that rocked both of their bodies.

 

     “You don’t have to force yourself,” He tried to reassure her. She curled into him, shaking her head frantically.

 

     “I’m sorry,” she cried. “I’m so sorry. You don’t need to hear any of this.”

 

     “ _No._  I want you to tell me everything.” Sebastian forced her to meet his eyes, hoping she could see just how serious he was. “But if you need to take a break, I don’t want you to push yourself. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

 

     More tears spilled from her eyes and she hiccupped, wiping her face on her arm. He let her collect herself again, a desperate war waging in his chest between the desire to find this Emery and the need to stay right here at Haven, keeping Lilah in his arms and never letting anyone touch her again. He couldn’t imagine living with a person that had such a tyrannical rule over his life— his argument with Demetrius seemed so juvenile in comparison to everything she had just told him.

 

     The fact that her story hadn’t ended at that man’s first strike made his blood boil hotter.

 

     “It happened a little over a year ago. I found out that... _shit_ ...that I was pregnant,” she forced out hoarsely. She roughly rubbed at her face again and cleared her throat, but she wouldn’t look at him. “I thought, _finally_ , there was no way he’d hurt me now. I thought that once I told him, he’d be gentle with me like when we first met. That he’d tell me he loved me without breaking something for once and we could be happy. But like everything else about him, I was wrong. As soon as I told him, he threw me down and just...just started _kicking_. I think that’s when I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore. A few weeks later, I was looking for the lockbox where he stashed his gun in the closet. I don’t know if I meant to use it on him or myself— or if I just meant to scare him into letting me leave. But, while I was in there I found my own lockbox from back home. I don’t know why he kept it in there. Maybe he wanted to know what was inside before he threw it away in case it was money but he couldn’t get in since it had a combination lock.”

 

     Lilah laughed softly as though she had just gotten away with a little prank, pushing her bangs away from her tear-drenched face. A smile finally found its way to her lips and her body relaxed against him for the first time since the start of her story.

 

     “The code was the first day that I had ever met Gramps. There was no way he’d ever be able to guess it. Gramps’s will and the keys and deed to Haven were still inside waiting for me. He’d told me one day, this farm would save me the same way it had saved him. It felt like, for the first time in years, I wasn’t alone anymore. I thought Gramps was showing me the way out from wherever he was and I made my plan to escape. I got a job that I could work from the computer while Emery wasn’t home. It was just clerical work but I made sure to delete all my history before he got back and saved all the money I made for a whole year until I could buy my ticket. And, well, you know the rest.”

 

     Sebastian took a moment to process everything she had just told him. She watched him from beneath her lashes, teeth worrying her lower lip once again as though she feared he’d call her a liar and turn her in immediately. He held her closer, hoping it’d reassure her while he gathered his thoughts. He wanted to spit curses at the man that reduced her to the cowering mess in his lap, wanted to shove his fists in his face and see how he liked being scared for once. But, Lilah didn’t need his anger. It sounded like she’d experienced enough to last her several lifetimes and he didn’t want to contribute anymore if he could help it. Instead, he carefully stroked the back of his fingers along her damp cheeks, tucking her hair behind her ears so she would meet his eyes.

 

     “I believe you, Lilah.”

 

     She searched his eyes, her expression pleading as she left her fate in the hands that cradled her face.

 

     “I believe you,” he said again. He’d tell her over and over until she found whatever it was she was looking for in his stare.

 

     “Bas…” Whatever she’d been searching for, she must have found it. The hurricane in her gaze disappeared as her face drew closer. Her lashes fluttered closed as her lips carefully pressed against his. It was brief, gentle, innocent, but it shot electricity through his nerves through everywhere they touched. She pulled away just enough to whisper “thank you.”

 

     His lips chased hers, tilting her face to kiss her more soundly. She gasped, and for one horrifying second Sebastian feared he’d taken it too far. Then, her arms wrapped around his neck and she pressed her body into his. She deepened the kiss herself, lips parting and sweetly sweeping the tip of her tongue along his lower lip. He let her in as his hands meandered down her back.

 

     How long had he wanted this without realizing it? Her small hands roamed across his shoulders, leaving static everywhere they touched. Distantly, he wondered if this was the spark everyone had been boasting about, then her tongue swirled around his and all thought left him. She was obviously much more experienced when it came to kissing, but she didn’t seem to mind. She made a soft noise into his mouth, relinquishing control of the kiss as his tongue languidly played with hers. He kissed her slowly, deeply, hoping she could feel everything he couldn’t express in words in the way their lips connected. He believed her, he’d do whatever it took to keep from seeing her tear-streaked face again.

 

     He never wanted it to end.

 

     The heat of her palms scorched the bare skin of his abdomen, those roaming hands sneaking beneath the hem of his hoodie when he wasn’t paying attention. The shock brought him back to his senses and he groaned, gently taking her hands out from under his clothes and pulling away.

 

     “Ha-Hang on…”

 

     “You don’t want to?” Lilah asked gently, resting her forehead against his. The tips of their noses brushed in a way that shouldn’t have excited him as much as it did.

 

     “Of course I _want_ to, but…we shouldn’t.” Sebastian felt like slapping himself. He wanted to feel more of her, kiss her until the sun set and rose again...but it was wrong. He swallowed hard and shook his head against hers. “You’ve been through a lot today. It’s not fair for me to take advantage of that.”

 

     She pulled away and stared at him long enough for him to feel like an idiot. When he saw the tears welling up in her eyes again, he felt like a villain.

 

     “Lilah, I’m sorry. It’s not that I’m not interested or anything, I swear, I just—”

 

     She shook her head, throwing her arms around him once again and holding him tightly against her. She sniffled near his ear, burying her face in his shoulder.

 

     “It’s not that. I was just thinking that I wish I had met you years ago,” she confessed.

 

     Sebastian sighed, returning her embrace and pressing his lips to her hair.

 

     “So do I.”

 

     He carefully lay down, keeping her secure in his arms and only moving again to make sure she was comfortable. She nuzzled her face into his chest, taking one of his hands and holding it to her chest, lacing their fingers between them. Her eyes drooped closed soon after they settled, the exhaustion from her emotional outpour no doubt claiming her for a deep sleep. He watched her sleep for a while, soft breaths warming his skin through his layers of clothing and he knew his decision was made. He had never been more sure of anything in his life, even when he had been certain he wanted to run away to the city and leave all of this behind. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to protect her smiling face and her laughter, protect those nonsense nights spent in his room talking about nothing at all.

 

     He silently promised her as she slept, burying his face in her hair and closing his eyes as his own exhaustion overcame him.


	9. Confessions Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USA National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)//1.800.787.3224 (TTY)

     It was warm. As the fog of deep sleep finally dissipated from her mind, her first thought was of the comforting heat that cocooned her from head to toe. Her head ached like a Saturday morning hangover—a pulsing pain that throbbed in time with her heartbeat. Slowly, she recalled there was no drinking involved but she wasn’t any happier for it. The image of the Missing Persons flyer flashed behind her eyelids, lurking there like a nightmare she couldn’t shake.

 

     Lilah forced her eyes open despite how badly she wanted to just drift back off to sleep. Sebastian was still fast asleep beside her. One of his hands was clasped in hers, nestled between them with their fingers laced, his other arm secured around her waist to hold her to his chest. Their legs were tangled together, knees hooked over each other as though they’d been desperate to keep as close as possible even while they slept. She hid her face in his chest, unable to look at his face without the memories flooding back into her head. She had kissed him. She hadn’t meant it to be anything more than an expression of her gratitude, but he’d reciprocated instantly as though he’d been waiting for the moment to arise. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been kissed like that.

 

     It wasn’t the domineering kiss she had come to expect— where teeth ripped at her lips and tongues suffocated her until she was permitted to breathe. No fingers gripped her throat or yanked her head back by her hair until strands were torn out from the root. No evidence was left behind, no mockingly sweet brushing of lips across fresh bruises and split skin to chill her from the inside. At first, she hadn’t believed she was being kissed at all. Sebastian kissed her with purpose, but he didn’t take more than she offered. She’d been overwhelmed by the careful way his lips sought out hers. He kissed her as he touched her: gently and sheltering in a way that made her heart cry out for more.

 

     But was it too soon? Too fast?

 

     Lilah groaned, squeezing her eyes shut against the fluttering in her chest. She almost made a complete fool of herself. If Sebastian hadn’t stopped her, how far had she been willing to take it? His kindness had been intoxicating. Her body immediately craved all the softness that he could offer and in that moment she’d been prepared to give him anything to get it. 

 

     “Are you okay?” The whispered words warmed the crown of her head. His voice rumbled from deep in his chest, still thick with sleep.

 

     Lilah wanted to reassure him but she couldn’t find the words. She had spilled some of her darkest secrets to him just hours ago, slept in his arms as if she belonged there from the beginning, and almost used him solely for her comfort. She felt ashamed, even as she felt so at peace being tangled up with him on her (admittedly much-too-small) bed.

 

     He sighed softly when she didn’t answer, almost as though he had expected as much. His arm shifted from her waist and panic jolted through her veins. She gripped his hand tighter, the other hand flying to his hoodie and digging her nails in as though she’d drift off into space without him tethering her to his body.

 

     “Relax.” His hand didn’t leave her completely. It travelled up her back, to her neck, until he was able to run his fingers through her hair. “Can I see your face?”

 

     He waited for her to nod before tilting her head up and brushing her bangs away. His eyes were half-lidded, still partially asleep but he frowned when she raised her eyes to meet his. Sebastian brushed his thumb across her cheek, sweeping away the tears she hadn’t even noticed spilling from her eyes.

 

     “It’s okay,” he said, wrapping his arm back around her. His hand left her hold and he shifted both of their bodies so that she lay on top of him, both of his arms holding her around the waist. Lilah rested her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes and focusing on the way her body rose and fell with his breathing.

 

     If she opened her mouth, she feared she’d say something she’d regret. Maybe she was just a coward. She wanted to talk to him about the kiss, but she wasn’t sure how she’d feel if he told her it was all a mistake—even less so if he told her it wasn’t. Nothing made sense when he was concerned. Her thoughts were constantly contradicting themselves, pushing and pulling her in every direction at once, especially now. She wanted to remain just as they were, locked away from the outside world where nothing could touch them and she could be as selfish as she wanted with the kindness he gave her. No sooner would that thought cross her mind than another would follow: she wanted him to tell her honestly how little he thought of her. She wanted him to toss her away, be disgusted by her, remind her that she was “damaged goods” and move on with his life without her weighing him down.

 

     But...that wasn’t really her voice screaming in her mind. She’d had to remind herself of that so many times since coming to the Valley, but it felt like a lesson in futility. No matter how much she tried to tell herself that sinister voice was wrong, the tempest of dark words swirled about her skull with no window to escape— shredding her rationality to unmendable ribbons until the only option she had was to give in and accept them as the truth. 

 

     It wasn’t until Sebastian tilted her chin to meet his face again that the voice finally silenced. Not a whisper remained as she took in her reflection on the surface of his eyes. His face was so close, she could feel the heat radiating from his skin crackling in the air between them. His aquiline nose was just a brush away, deep brown eyes pouring into her from their locked gaze. The memory of his lips filled her mind—warm and slightly chapped as they had molded so sweetly to hers. Her shaking hands cupped his face as if possessed. Her thumb gently traced the line of his lower lip, eyes focusing on the way his lips parted at her touch.

 

     “Lilah…?” His strained whisper settled between them as though their very existence would shatter if he was too loud. He watched her as she lightly traced his features with her fingers; His eyebrows, his cheeks, his nose, back down to the Cupid’s Bow of his upper lip.

 

     “Is this...okay?” She asked. She watched his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed, his eyes trained on her face.

 

     “I’m not going to complain about you touching me,” Sebastian murmured, a light tinge of pink dusting across his nose. Lilah smiled, small enough that she wondered if it showed on her face but it still filled her with warmth just as his body did beneath her.

 

     “No? That’s not what you said earlier.” She teased and lightly tugged on his hoodie for emphasis. She tested the waters, hoping that they could at least joke about what had happened and lighten the weight pressing on her chest. She was relieved when his face flushed completely from neck to hairline and he sputtered.

 

     “That—That’s not how it was at all and you know it...”

 

     “I know, Bas.” She pressed a chaste kiss beside his lips. “Thank you. I mean it. I got so caught up in the way you make me feel, I wanted to just forget about everything else.”

 

     “And...How do I make you feel?”

 

     “Like a person,” Lilah answered seriously, “like I’m someone worthy of being happy. My mind has been all over the place since this morning—I feel like I’m going crazy—but when you look at me, it’s like...I don’t know how to say it.”

 

     “Like your brain shuts up and you can process everything that’s going on?” he offered. Lilah considered it for a moment, rolling the idea around until she nodded.

 

     “I think that’s it exactly.”

 

     “Then, I know what you mean.” Sebastian paused, hands slowly roaming along the length of her spine. “It’s pretty normal for your thoughts to get mixed up in a situation like this, you know? You’ve been here all this time without anyone to talk to about what you escaped from. Then, all of a sudden you felt like you had to spill everything at once...it makes sense that you might get confused. I’ve been there.”

 

     “You have?”

 

     “Yeah. But, you’re not alone anymore. If you feel like it’s all too much to handle, then I’ll be here. You can come to me no matter what.”

 

     Lilah bit her lip.

 

     “So, we’re really okay?” She asked hesitantly. Sebastian frowned.

 

     “Of course we’re okay. Why wouldn’t we be?” He searched her face when she didn’t answer. “Do you think I’m upset?”

 

     “I don’t know.” Lilah sighed and focused on playing with the drawstring of his hoodie, twisting it through her fingers to distract her from the storm reviving in her mind. “Maybe it’s just me being confused, like you said. I feel like...maybe I was using you just to feel better.”

 

     “Do you regret what happened?” His voice was impassive, not giving her any inclination to his own feelings on the matter.

 

     “No,” Lilah answered before her brain could catch up. “I wanted to kiss you. I was— I  _ am _ happy. But, at the same time I don’t want to make you some rebound. I like you too much to do that.”

 

     “Then you weren’t using me,” He said matter-of-factly. “You wouldn’t care about how it’d effect me if you were...probably.”

 

     “Probably?!” Lilah pushed up from him in mock offense, hands planted firmly on his chest and legs on either side of his hips.

 

     “Well, it’s not like I’m an expert at that kind of thing.” He grinned.

 

     “Not at pep talks either.”

 

     Sebastian shrugged.

 

     “I thought I was doing pretty well up until now, but I got kind of distracted.”

 

     “Did you?” Lilah narrowed her eyes but didn’t pull away as Sebastian’s hands left her back and covered both of hers.

 

     “By how much you like me, apparently? Yeah.”

 

     Heat erupted from her chest, scorching through her veins until every part of her was doused in flame from the top of her head to her toes. She pulled her eyes away from his face, suddenly very curious about where Lumos had been hiding all this time. She scanned the cabin for any hint of his dark fur until she saw the tip of his tail twitching from behind the tv stand. She felt Sebastian’s body rumble with laughter beneath her but made a point not to look at him.

 

     “Are you embarrassed?”

 

     “No,” Lilah muttered. Hesitantly, she glanced down. He still smiled at her, one eyebrow cocked as he waited for her to continue. “I  _ do _ like you. I have for a while...since the day you came to check this place out when I thought Emery broke in.”

 

     Sebastian’s smile faded, his expression morphing into something unreadable.

 

     “That night makes a lot more sense now.” He sat up, suddenly gravely serious. When their eyes locked, she felt that jolt of electricity course through her like it had at the dance— sudden and overwhelming shocks that ripped the breath from her lungs and set her hair on end. “Lilah, I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that you never have to be afraid of that guy again.”

 

     “You don’t have to—”

 

     “I mean it. It sounds cringingly over-dramatic now that I’ve said it out loud, but I swear that I mean every word.” He squeezed her hands, the thundering of his heart hammering against her palm as he rested his forehead against hers. “He will  _ never _ touch you again.”

 

     Lilah’s heart lodged in her throat and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to talk without getting emotional, though she felt like she had cried on him enough for a lifetime. She closed her eyes and nodded softly, arms sliding around his neck.

 

     “I believe you.”

 

     She wasn’t sure who leaned in first or if they both moved at once, but their lips connected and Sebastian pulled her body closer against him. There wasn’t any hesitance in the way he kissed her, so full of heat and promise that it left her light-headed. His lips were fervent but unhurried, taking the time to feel her before tilting his head for a better angle. She let herself get swept away, parting her lips in invitation and tangling her fingers in his hair. His hands were adorably well behaved, one cupping her jaw and the other secure at the small of her back. His tongue dipped between her lips and mingled with hers, carefully teasing and tasting wherever he reached.

 

     Lilah carefully let her hands roam down his chest. She went slowly, unsure if he would try and stop her or protest, but he did neither. She slipped beneath his hoodie and shirt, palms smoothing over his lean stomach and he sighed into their kiss as the undefined muscles there contracted under her touch.

 

     They pulled back for air, lips still softly plucking against each other as they caught their breath. A devious thought to push him down onto his back wormed its way into her mind and she smiled...then the front door slammed open.

 

     “Are you  _ kidding _ me?!” Sam shouted, his face flushed as he stormed into the cabin.

 

     “I’m sorry, guys! I tried to stop him!” Abigail hurried in after him, her own face and ears pink and she looked anywhere but her friends on the bed.

 

     Lilah went to move off of Sebastian but thought better of it when she felt him beneath her as she shifted. His face was just as mortified as she imagined hers was, Sam and Abigail didn’t need to see the whole picture. He glanced at her in silent gratitude when she settled back on his lap, then his lip curled and he glared over at the other man.

 

     “What’re you doing here?”

 

     “What am  _ I _ doing here?” Sam looked as though he’d just been slapped in the face. “We’ve been killing ourselves looking for you after you wander off to Who-Knows-Where, only to find out that you’ve been here putting the moves on Lilah?”

 

     “He obviously wasn’t here the  _ whole _ time,” Abigail snapped, doing her best at damage control but Lilah could see her struggling.

 

     “I ran into him on my way home,” Lilah piped up. “I’m sorry I didn’t come get you guys immediately, but we got to talking and—”

 

     “Oh, yeah! Looked like it was a riveting conversation!” Sam scowled.

 

     Abigail winced and cast an apologetic look her way.

 

     “We were all exhausted anyway, Sam. Lilah would have had to bring him all over town to tell us since she doesn’t have a phone. As long as he’s back, it’s all fine, isn’t it?”

 

     Sam still frowned but his shoulders deflated. He looked between Sebastian and Lilah, pink coming back to his cheeks and he shifted on his feet.

 

     “At least...close the curtains next time,” he grumbled, motioning towards the window at the foot of Lilah’s bed.

 

     Lilah groaned in embarrassment. The window would have given anyone outside a clear view of everything going on. She glanced up at Sebastian, heart pounding as she realized she really did hope there was a next time. As though he felt her eyes on him, Sebastian looked back at her. He smiled, small and reassuring, and carefully lifted her off of his lap so he could stand.

 

     “Oh great,” Sam groused, “you guys are going to be one of the gross ones, aren’t you?”

 

     “Shut up,” Sebastian grumbled. “I still need to tell my mom that I’m back. Then we can go to the Saloon and I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

 

     “You’re buying,” Sam demanded, straightening his jacket and turning for the door. Sebastian rolled his eyes but didn’t argue, only watched as he walked away. But he didn’t leave, only stood in the doorframe and tapped his foot impatiently.

 

     “Can I have a fucking minute?” Sebastian bristled.

 

     “Got it!” Abigail scurried over and grabbed Sam by the arm, pulling him outside and closing the door behind them.

 

     Lilah watched them leave and sighed.

 

     “I feel kind of bad,” she admitted.

 

     “Don’t. He’ll get over it.” Sebastian offered his hand to her, helping her to her feet when she took it. “Are you going to be okay?”

 

     “I’m fine, Bas.” She hugged him, heart somersaulting in her chest as he squeezed her to him. “Thank you for everything.”

 

     “You don’t have to thank me.” His eyes cut warily to the window, watching for a few moments before he seemed to deem it safe enough to lightly kiss her once more. “I’ll see you later.”

 

     “Good luck.”

 

     Sebastian snorted and released her. Lilah walked with him to the door so she could lock it appropriately after he’d gone. She didn’t need any more surprises bursting in on her. He pulled it open and arched an eyebrow. Sam and Abigail scrambled back away from the doorway with a yelp, shifting on their feet guiltily.

 

     “I don’t want to know.” Sebastian shook his head and pushed Sam forward, leading him towards the bike waiting for them out by the shower. Abigail leaned against the door frame, watching them both mount Sebastian’s bike as they bickered quietly. The engine roared to life and they sped toward the mountain path, leaving Lilah and Abigail behind to watch the dust settle long after they were gone.

 

     As soon as the rumble of the motorcycle could no longer be heard, Abigail tilted her head, catching Lilah’s attention and sporting a grin that’d make a Cheshire Cat envious.

 

     “Sooooo, spill it. How was he?” She asked.

 

     “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Lilah smiled innocently.

 

     Abigail screamed in frustration.


	10. Stay With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USA National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)//1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
> 
> Whoo, boy, did this chapter run away from me. Another super long chapter that just took on a life of it's own and had to be reined back in so I could get the story going in the direction I need it to. Thank you so much for enjoying this story! I hope the long read isn't too much and makes up for the delay in posting. I'm moving back to graveyard shift at work and it's been messing my brain up something fierce.
> 
> Thank you to everyone that's left a comment! I love hearing about what you like about the story and they never fail to motivate me when things get tough or scenes aren't coming together.

     There was a balance to the world that had always seemed beautiful to Emery Rowe. Every action has consequences. If one performed respectable actions, they were rewarded with accolades and praise; If they committed atrocities, they were punished in a severity equal to the weight of their crime. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and the last man standing at the end was the better of them all. It was a savage truth—one that the world seemed content to turn a blind eye to. But not him. He hadn’t ripped and clawed his way from beat cop to detective by burying his head in the sand and praying that the world would just get along.

 

     Of course, he’d had a bit of a rocky start as a rookie—all great men were hindered in their rise to the top and it only made their successes that much sweeter. His Sergeant had had it out for him something fierce and held Emery at fault when their suspect had fled, only to find his way to the wrong end of the baton. Emery had merely obeyed the laws of the universe when he brought his baton down over the male’s brow, his hands, his hips, his wrists...it was justice. His commanding officers had just been too blind to see it, so busy with their heads up their own superiors’ asses and remarking loudly about the pleasant aroma as they grasped for their promotions with greedy hands. He’d been terminated immediately.

 

     It was a ridiculous call. If he wasn’t meant to keep the universe in balance, then what was he supposed to do? It was the only option he had left when he went to his girl and told her they were moving out of that ridiculous metropolis and going far, far away where the blight of ignorance didn’t cloud the minds of the peacemakers. It had been a whimsical time: she had followed so obediently with her eyes sparkling and lips begging to offer him her compliance. But, he should’ve known what a cesspool like Zuzu City would have done to her.

 

     She had been so perfect when they met—a precious doll for him to dress and bend to his whims. His sweet little Lilah, so desperate for his love and guidance. This city had turned her sick and black inside; her defiance rearing its ugly head over the most inconsequential matters. She seemed to have forgotten who she was, why she was there, why he had picked her. She seemed to forget what happened to those that were so full of sin, they couldn’t be cleansed—it was as if she didn’t even care about all the effort he’d put into training her.

 

     “Looking at that again?” Ramirez sidled up to his desk with a steaming mug of coffee in one hand, “World’s Okayest Detective” branded along the side. He placed a warm paw-like hand on Emery’s shoulder, giving him a familial squeeze in what he must have thought was reassurance. “We’ll find her, brother.”

 

     “I’m not even angry anymore, Eddie.” Emery sighed and placed the Missing Persons bulletin flat on his desk, the eyes of his sweet, tame girl glittering out towards him. “I mean it. I forgive the cheating, I forgive her running away, everything, I just want her back.”

 

     “I know.” Ramirez nodded sympathetically and looked at the picture. Emery pulled the copy of the “Zuzu Times” that’d been untouched on his desk in front of him, blocking her shining face from his partner’s view.

 

     “She just hasn’t been the same since she lost the baby. We used to be so happy...All I want is for things to go back to how they used to be.”

 

     “She needs help. You love her more than anything, hopefully she’ll be able to see that. But try not to obsess too much. Captain is already riding my ass to turn over the case— you know what a conflict of interest this is.”

 

     Emery’s jaw clenched.

 

     “I have to be the one to find her.”

 

     Ramirez took a deep drink of his coffee, slicking his hand through the charcoal mess of his thick hair, stray strands flopping back against his copper forehead and curling in rebellion. His hair was always so thick and untamed, Emery wanted to chop it all off.

 

     “We still need to follow up on the Freneau case. Afterwards, let’s hit the pavement and see what we can dig up. Sound good?” He had been like this ever since Emery had come to their precinct. Eddie Ramirez was a man of the people, eager to help anyone and everyone and defend the weak. He was one of the foolish dreamers that wanted a smiling world...what a waste of a good cop.

 

     Still, Emery agreed—if only to get him away from his desk. He watched his partner walk away and scowled to himself as he looked down at the front page of the newspaper. He never liked the news, as biased as biased could be, but something about it seized his attention before he could toss it in the garbage where it belonged.

 

**Love is in the Air: Stardew Valley’s Pelican Town Holds Centennial Flower Festival**

 

     The headline was tripe. Such a ridiculous event being deemed front-page-worthy was exactly why he couldn’t stand the media. The picture filled up half the page, displaying a mass of people in semi-formal attire dancing in the middle of a field—even country bumpkins needed entertainment, he supposed—with flowers filling up any empty space. The dancers seemed lost in their own worlds, some pressed up against each other intimately while others held each other at arm’s length as they smiled awkwardly. Most of the subjects were young, teens and young adults that had probably never left that nowhere-town in their life. A scarlet faced blond man held a dainty redhead at the forefront of the image, though he was looking over her head and looked more like he was about to piss himself than enjoying a night of romance. He ripped his eyes away from the couple, scanning the faces of the crowd to try and quell the sourness spreading across his tongue. It was on the opposite side of the picture, through the gaps of other merrymakers, that Emery found what his gut had known he had been looking for.

 

     There she was, his girl, wrapped in the arms of some punk-kid with his lips a breath away from her ear. There was hardly any space between their bodies, just enough to allow movement, but he recognized Lilah’s pleading eyes and parted lips. It was an expression reserved only for him—given to him less and less often since they had come to the city, he only saw it lately when he smacked it out of her, made her beg for his body rather than his fists. It more than enough evidence to suggest she would be even closer to that bastard if the opportunity presented itself. What were they whispering about? How many times had that slut let the punk fuck her that night alone? He’d always known she was easy, but they had worked long and hard to drill into her the importance of staying faithful to only him.

 

     That useless bitch had forgotten who she belonged to.

 

     He crushed the newspaper in his fists and shoved it into the wastebasket beside his desk. He rose from his chair, keeping his movements slow and controlled, and grabbed his coat and holster. He couldn’t afford to lose this case now, losing his temper would get him booted faster than Ramirez could give him that staple sympathetic frown of his. He needed to work smart, to take his time to carefully weigh her transgressions and determine a fitting punishment so she would never run away from him again.

 

     Every action has consequences.

 

* * *

 

     Lilah stretched out on the faded black couch in Sebastian’s room. The leather stuck to the thin film of sweat coating her skin, peeling away with a revolting _schluck_ every time she shifted to try and get comfortable. It was the apex of the summer season. The valley bathed in hellish heat that radiated from the cobblestone streets even in the early morning and late evening. The basement room of 24 Mountain Road offered a reprieve, naturally cooler than the rest of the house and infinitely more so than Haven these days.

 

     A partnership with Pierre’s General Goods shop had insured Lilah a steady income when it came to her harvests— countless nights spent studying artisanal techniques to make jams and juices, pickles and preserves, had provided much-needed longevity to her crops that she hadn’t even considered when she first started planting. Selling those items through the local stores meant she wouldn’t have to worry about wasted product once they fell out of season. The profit from her first month partnering with Pierre had built her most coveted bathroom, though Lilah instantly regretted not ordering an air conditioning unit first once the temperature started climbing with no sign of stopping.

 

     She’d found herself escaping to Bas’s basement more often than not in the past few weeks. She’d smuggle Lumos in with her most days to save the rapidly growing feline from the sweltering heat of the farmhouse. It was an odd feeling to watch him bask on the very couch that she and Bas had decided on his name while surrounded by fantasy novels for inspiration.

 

     She was cat-less for the day— Lumos finding a much more preferable haven in a small cave a minor earthquake had opened on the north end of the farm earlier that season (though after one-too-many “gifts” of mangled bats left on her pillow, Lilah sincerely considered sealing the place up) — but the couch did not feel any cooler despite the lack of her furry companion. Her hair stuck to the back of her neck, her tank top plastered against even the most unflattering curves of her body, and she felt like she would never be able to shower off the feeling of her own sweat until autumn finally arrived.

 

     “Are you going to be okay during the luau? You sound like you’re dying already,” Sebastian asked from his desk, more amused than annoyed as she huffed once again and ripped herself from the cushions.

 

     “Sorry, I just can’t get comfortable. I can head out if I’m bothering you.” Lilah grimaced, tugging her shirt away from her chest.

 

     “I didn’t say that.” The gentle hum of the fans of his desktop cut off abruptly, dousing the room in a silence that may as well have been a clap of thunder in her ears. Sebastian pushed away from his desk, tapped his cigarette pack against his thigh and flipped the top open. He considered them for a moment, then closed the box and shoved it into his pocket without retrieving one.

 

     “It’s going to be packed since they’re preparing for the party, but did you want to cool off at the beach?” he offered.

 

     Lilah shifted, pulling her hair over her shoulder to air out her neck.

 

     “As nice as the ocean sounds right now, I don’t have a swimsuit—I don’t really like wearing one in front of people, anyway.”

 

     Sebastian only nodded. He was the one person that she didn’t need to elaborate to— the other half privy to a secret better kept lost and buried where it never need be found again. The burns he’d seen, the scars he’d yet to discover, he didn’t judge her any less for them or try to convince her that they didn’t matter. He accepted them as a part of her, never shied away from them but never gave them more attention than they deserved. There was an understanding there, something more real than mere sympathy, and Lilah wondered if she’d ever find out where it rooted inside of him.

 

     He paced across the floor in thought. His signature hoodie was folded, forsaken, over the back of his chair and his black undershirt left little to the imagination as he flexed his arm to card a hand through his hair, forcing the lean muscle of his bicep to strain against pale skin. All the lifting and carrying he’d done to aid his mother’s business paid off when it came to minor movements like this, and Lilah conceded that the unforgiving summer may not have been the only factor in the heat spreading throughout her body.

 

     Whatever they were to each other still remained nameless. Lilah knew that Sebastian still dreamt of living the city life— he had been in correspondence with a repeat client that grew ever more interested in his skills with each contract he fulfilled. She tried not to dwell on it too often, focusing her energy on enjoying what time they had left together. She knew life would split them sooner rather than later—no matter how naturally their hands sought out each other whenever they were in reach; no matter how much later their visits together ran, embracing with kisses dancing around labels that neither would ever be able to claim. She only wished her heart didn’t ache every time the thought crossed her mind.

 

     “I have an idea,” Sebastian said.

 

     Lilah tilted her head, watched him move to his closet with curiosity as he pulled out a couple jackets, two pairs of gloves, and scarves. She almost fell off the couch when he retrieved a medieval-style mace from deep in the closet, weighed it in his hands, then packed it and the clothing into a dark duffle bag.

 

     “Where are we going that you’ll need _that_?!”

 

     “It’s more of a precaution,” he reassured her, then paused and dug back through the closet. “Here, you should take this.”

 

     A knife rested in his palm, the worn leather scabbard it was sheathed in extended slightly longer than his hand. He offered it to her and zipped up the bag as she rose from her seat to examined it. The handle was heavier than she had anticipated it would be but it felt solid in her grip. She carefully unsheathed the blade, cautious of the sharp edge that almost glittered despite the dim light of Sebastian’s room. It was more of a dagger than a knife, she supposed— very similar to the kind her character in Solarion Chronicles might use.

 

     “Do you think you can use it?” Sebastian asked, slinging the bag over his shoulder.

 

     “Sure. Pointy end goes into the other man,” She quoted, cutting a “Z” into the air before sheathing the dagger and securing it to her belt. Sebastian smirked and led her upstairs. He went to the kitchen and gathered some bottles of water, slipping them into the bag as well before they left the house. A blast of heat rolled over them as soon as the front door was open and Lilah groaned.

 

     “Don’t worry. It’s not a long walk and it’ll be worth it,” he promised. He led her north, past the shimmering lakes that dotted the mountain top. She realized where he was taking her as they crossed a thick wooden bridge across one of the streams flowing into the largest lake.

 

     “The mines?” The apprehension in her voice slowed their pace and Sebastian glanced over his shoulder at her.

 

     “The floor we’re going to isn’t dangerous but I’ve learned the hard way not to come down here without any protection at all. The worst we’ll have to deal with is some slimes on the way and they’ll leave you alone as long as you stay away from their nests.”

 

     “Oh, great,” Lilah laughed weakly. Her apartment building in the city had gotten a slime infestation the second year they’d lived there. It was like a horror movie every time she turned on a faucet or tried to take a shower as a seemingly endless stream of gooey slime drooled out of her taps and clogged the pipes.They weren’t necessarily dangerous but they were definitely unpleasant critters to deal with.

 

     “We can go back if you don’t want to go in,” he offered.

 

     Lilah considered it, taking in the gaping maw of the cave as though it were the jaws of some  ferocious beast. It was as inviting as a crocodile’s smile, beckoning them inside for a meal of Sebastian and Lilah, served fresh from the farm. She looked to Sebastian. He waited patiently despite the sweltering heat, didn’t try to push her one way or the other. She didn’t know how many times he had delved into those tunnels that ran beneath the town, though she trusted he wouldn’t lead her somewhere overly dangerous.

 

     “No.” Lilah shook her head. “Let’s go.”

 

     Sebastian’s eyes narrowed, pleased, and he took her hand. The difference in temperature was immediate, the shade inside the stone cavern much more manageable than the direct sunlight outside. He led her to the far wall where an ancient lattice gate separated an elevator from the rest of the cave. Despite how old it looked, the gate slid open with only minor squeaks of protest.

 

     The elevator seemed to hold their combined weight with no difficulty. It was small—almost closet-sized—with a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling that bathed the car in a sickly yellow light. The panels at both sides of the door were adorned with buttons apparently marking each floor. Some appeared to have been removed while others were completely taped over.

 

     “They had to mark off floors that are infested or caved in,” Sebastian explained as her eyes lingered a moment too long on the buttons. He hit the button for the 60th floor and moved his hand to Lilah’s back to steady her as the doors squealed shut and the elevator jolted to life.

 

     “It runs a lot deeper than I thought it would,” Lilah confessed.

 

     “There are over one hundred floors, at least. But no one really goes too deep when they come down here. There was a group called the Adventurer’s Guild that mapped out most of the deeper tunnels long before I was born. They’re all old men now and, as far as I know, no one has gone on a full blown expedition since they disbanded.”

 

     “Do you come down here a lot?”

 

     “Yeah. I used to hide out here when I was a little kid all the time. I always felt safe down here…” his voice trailed off. His expression darkened, eyes focusing somewhere far away that Lilah knew she’d never see no matter how hard she strained.

 

     “Bas?” She rested a hand against his chest, startling him without meaning to. He met her concerned frown with a small smile and covered her hand with his.

 

     “Anyway, I’ve been wanting to take you here for a while. I really think you’ll like it.” He held her hand and laced their fingers as he watched the orange lights on the wall display the floors they passed.

 

     The temperature seemed to drop with each floor they descended until she was certain she saw the mist of her own breath. She exhaled again, a bit more forcefully, and watched the cloud disperse in front of her.

 

     “Almost there.” Sebastian grinned, almost childlike. “Do you need a coat?”

  
     “I’m fine for now.” She nestled herself into his side for warmth, smiling when he leaned into her.  Knowing that he had been thinking of her, that he had wanted to bring her to a place that was special to him left her feeling giddy with anticipation...but there was also a dark feeling underneath the excitement. How much longer would he be able to think of her? How long until he took her to a special place for the last time and finally leave her behind? She shoved the thought away, choosing instead to watch the illuminated numbers blink with each passing second.

 

_57…_

 

_58…_

 

_59…_

 

     The elevator came to a trembling stop. Sebastian smiled and moved in front of her, taking both of her hands in his.

 

     “Close your eyes?” He looked so eager, Lilah couldn’t help but acquiesce. He was so excited to be with her in that moment, she didn’t have the right to mourn the future.

 

     She closed her eyes just as the grating of the elevator doors opening echoed through the caves. Sebastian led her by her hands until the clanging metal sound beneath her boots was replaced by a soft crunch. She tilted her head but kept her eyes closed until Sebastian finished leading her wherever it was he was taking her. Eventually his hands left her and she felt the warmth of him move to her side.

 

     “Okay. Go ahead and look.”

 

     Lilah slowly opened her eyes, her vision adjusting to the oddly bright light that lit the cave despite them being dozens of floors below ground. With a gasp, she realized it wasn’t just the lighting that was bright: the entire floor was blanketed in pure white as though it were midwinter rather than summer. Near the far end of the cavern was what appeared to be a lake, ice sealing off the surface of the water and glinting in the lights hanging from the walls. Curiously, she bent her knees and picked up a handful of the white powder at her feet.

 

     “It’s cold!” She exclaimed in delight.

 

     “It’s snow,” Sebastian laughed. “It’s always winter down here.”

 

     Lilah tossed the snow in her hand up into the air, grinning as it showered down around her. It didn’t snow much in the city, not enough to have any fun with it and it was always ruined by heavy foot and vehicle traffic. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen so much snow to enjoy, couldn’t resist running through and watching the trail her boots left on the floor. All she wanted to do was flop down on her back and roll in it like a child.

 

     “Lilah,” Sebastian called from back near the elevator. He had already pulled on a light coat from his bag and held another out towards her in his gloved hand. Lilah hurried to his side and she took the coat and gloves he offered. His clothes were so much larger on her. His coat fell down to her mid-thigh and she could fold the fingers of his gloves nearly in half over her fingers. She laughed at how small she felt, adjusting the gloves so she could at least marginally use her hands if needed. She looked up to thank him, cheeks aching sweetly from how much she had been smiling since they arrived.

 

     Her words died in her throat at the feeling of his lips pressing softly between her brows, warming her inside and out as he wrapped his scarf around her. Enveloped in the scent of pine, cedar, and tobacco, the softness of his kiss on her forehead kept her rooted to the spot and shattered her heart. It shouldn’t have surprised her. Such a simple, innocent kiss shouldn’t have made her feel as though she couldn’t go on without it. Yet, every part of her seemed to cry out when he pulled away.

 

     “Sorry. You just...look really cute,” Sebastian looked away, the redness on his face too stark to be just from the chill, “I couldn’t help it.”

 

     “You don’t have to apologize. We kiss all the time.” Lilah tried to laugh it off, but there was a tightness in her chest that refused to ease up.

 

     “In that case...” Sebastian’s hands moved from the scarf around her neck to her jaw, brushing some of her hair away from her face with his fingers. He dipped his head to kiss her properly, cradling her face in his hands like she would break apart without them. Lilah didn’t think that was too far from the truth. She was happy— she could say with confidence that she had never been happier— but something in his kiss was bittersweet. Something in the softness of his skin against hers only served as a grim reminder: no one had ever kissed her like he did...and no one ever would again. With that simple display of affection, their nameless relationship felt more like a fanged creature lurking in the shadows— the sheer joy she felt in his company overshadowed by a hulking beast salivating overhead.

 

     Life would separate them eventually. She had accepted that, been content with the idea that they could comfort each other without things becoming too difficult. She thought she was fine with it...so why couldn’t she kiss him back?

 

     “Lilah?” Sebastian pulled away from her with a frown. She felt the heat of tears burn her cold-bitten cheeks faster than she could push away and scrub her face. She was being ridiculous, she knew. She wanted to live moment to moment, take the happiness where she could and accept whatever the future held, and here she was crying over something that hadn’t even happened yet. Sebastian squeezed her to his chest, his head resting on top of hers as she tried to rein in her rogue tears.

 

     “I’m sorry. I’m okay,” she insisted. She tried to push away from his chest but he held fast, keeping her secure against him.

 

     “You’re not. What’s wrong?”

 

     Lilah swallowed thickly, forcing the emotion back as she tried to take deep breaths and calm herself. She couldn’t be selfish. She had to reassure him and enjoy the time that they had together. It was the right thing to do.

 

     “You’re going to leave,” she said instead. Her mind screamed out for her to stop, but her heart and lips had performed a hostile takeover and all she could do was let it happen. “Your dream is to leave Pelican Town and when you do...I promise I’ll be happy for you. I want you to do whatever makes you happy but I can’t help but think about not being able to see you anymore. I feel like whatever we’re doing is just going to make that day so much harder to handle.”

 

     Sebastian didn’t say anything for a moment. His arms loosened from around her and Lilah mourned the loss immediately. Instead of moving away from her, he took her hands and met her eyes.

 

     “Lilah, I was already offered the job back in May,” he confessed, “I turned them down.”

 

     “You...what?” Lilah felt as though she had broken through the iced over lake just a few yards away, the freezing water shocking her still. “But what about what you’ve been working on lately?”

 

     “It’s a different company. They have a remote position available, so I can do all my work from my own computer and send it to them by the deadline. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

     “Why didn’t you say anything before? All this time...”

 

     “All this time you felt relaxed because there were no strings attached, didn’t you? You were happy because it didn’t feel like we were rushing into anything or that something serious had to come out of it, right?”

 

     “That’s _not_ the reason I’m happy,” Lilah looked away with a grimace. Is that what he really thought? That after everything, she was happy just to use him to pass the time until he moved on?

 

     “Okay,” Sebastian sighed. “I’m sorry, that was the wrong way to put it. I just meant...I didn’t want you to feel pressured by being with me.”

 

     “So you let me keep thinking that you were leaving?” Lilah wasn’t sure how she felt. Elation swelled in her chest but it was chased by anger at having been kept in the dark. She tried to take her hands away from him but he wouldn’t let her.

 

     “I was going to tell you eventually. It’s not like I was trying to keep it from you to mess with you.” His voice sounded almost desperate, like she was disappearing from his grip right before his eyes and it was all he could do to hold her there lest she evaporate completely.

 

     “I’ve been trying to accept the idea of you leaving for months,” Lilah said, trying to keep her voice steady. She didn’t want to be angry at him, but the heartbreak she had battled every time the idea of him leaving the Valley crossed her mind was egging her on. “If you really weren’t messing with me, I don’t see the reason for not telling me. I would have been happy!”

 

     “I’m sorry,” he said again, lowering his gaze to their feet. His miserable voice softened her ire a fraction, but her nerves still tensed as she waited for him to explain himself. “I obviously didn’t think it through. I just wanted it to be a surprise when I,” he glanced back at her sheepishly, “when I ask you to be my girlfriend.”

 

     Lilah’s eyes widened, the silence in the cavern disrupted only by the thundering of her heart in her ears. His words had suckerpunched her square in the gut and knocked the air out of her lungs in a visible mist that cut through the chilled air. She had to say something, she knew, but she couldn’t manage to form a response. His lachrymose expression only made her feel even more helpless as he looked down at her. She ripped her hands from his hold and threw her arms around his middle, clutching the back of his coat and burying her face in his chest while her brain tried to keep up with the range of emotions coursing through her. 

 

     Sebastian let out a breath of relief, hugging her tightly to his body and carefully lowering her to sit on his lap in the snow. When he spoke again, his voice shook—though Lilah wasn’t sure if anything other than the cold could be to blame.

 

     “I don’t want to push anything on you or put you on the spot,” he rasped, “I care about you more than the city— more than anything. I know you’re not ready for that big of a step, but it’s okay. I’ll wait. I’ll stay here with you until you’re ready.”

 

     Lilah felt the tears welling up in her eyes again. She shook her head, lightly rapping her knuckles against his padded back as she forced herself to find words amidst the chaos.

 

     “You’re a jackass,” she said at last. It wasn’t much but it was a start.

 

     “I know.”

 

     She pulled away, eyes narrowed as she looked up at his face. He opened his mouth— probably to apologize again— but Lilah shifted her arms and put her fingers to his lips. Nestled in his hold, feeling his warmth around her and the thundering of his heart through his clothes gave her a clarity she knew that she could never achieve anywhere else. She had known what to say the moment the words left his lips, her hesitance in the past seemed so foolish and only contributed to lost time.  

 

“I’m still upset with you,” she continued. “Extremely upset. My boyfriend should have kissed me by now to make me feel better.”

 

     His dark brows shot to his hairline, mouth gaping beneath her hand. She pulled her fingers away and watched his expressions morph comically with each passing second.

 

     “Wait... _really?_ ”

 

     Lilah tilted her head expectantly, overflowing with joy at the grin that split across Sebastian’s face.

 

     He wasted no more time, pulling her into an intense kiss that sent them falling back into the snow. They rolled for a time down a soft slope hidden beneath the powder, kissing and laughing. Sebastian shielded her head from the ground as they tumbled, embracing her when they reached the bottom and he settled on top of her. His fingers carded through her hair as his lips claimed her again.

 

     “I just had to bring you somewhere freezing,” Sebastian whispered almost bitterly against her lips. He pressed himself against her, the extra layers between them seemingly as frustrating for him as they were for her. She tugged at his coat, teeth catching his lower lip in a playful nip.

 

     “Come to Haven after the party tonight?” She offered.

 

     “Absolutely.”

 

     They kissed until they thought the snow would melt around them.

* * *

 

     Lilah all but sprinted home from the mountain path, a bright smile permanently plastered on her face. Sebastian had offered to walk her home— insisted, really— but the luau was starting soon and she knew neither of them would have time to get ready if he accompanied her home now. They’d sooner lose themselves in each other and despite how  tempting that sounded, Lilah had actually been looking forward to the Luau all month. Some ice still melted in her hair, cold trickles of water streaming down the back of her neck until she shivered. It’d be long gone by the time she hopped in the shower, but part of her wished it could remain as proof that everything had turned out as it did.

 

     All the worries she had felt concerning her and Bas had been vanquished, leaving nothing but sheer euphoria in their wake. She felt like a teenager again, giddy in love for the first time...but this time was different.

 

     This time her boyfriend— _her boyfriend!_ — truly cared for her. He made her feel like the stars shone from her eyes, kissed and touched her like she was something precious, something human. Her heart was so full it was fit to burst from her chest at any moment and she lamented (though only for a moment) that she hadn’t taken Bas up on his offer to walk her home. She was too excited to see him again in the next few hours, it was as if they hadn’t spent the whole afternoon in each other’s arms.

 

     She wondered how Sam and Abigail would react when they told them— if they’d even be surprised at the declaration or exasperated that it hadn’t happened sooner. She laughed as she realized it would more than likely be the latter, at least from Sam. She knew Abigail would be even more excited than she was, delighted that their relationship was “official” after pestering her about it nearly constantly since the Flower Dance three months ago.

 

     Lilah skipped every other step up her front porch and reached for her house key in her back pocket...and frowned. The door was unlocked. Had she forgotten to lock up again that morning? She slipped the key back in her pocket and sighed, pushing the door open and stepping across the threshold. She didn’t need to bother, she supposed. She didn’t need to be afraid of anyone in Pelican Town.

 

 _Except for Sam_ , she smirked as she kicked the door closed behind her.

 

     But there was no time to reflect on the memory before a large hand closed around her throat, lifting her effortlessly off the floor and pinning her against the wall. She barely managed a scream before its grip tightened, closing off her airway until all she could do was gasp fruitlessly for breath and kick out her legs, clawing at the fingers squeezing her neck.

 

     A dark chuckle ripped through her ears and ice filled her veins— chilling her worse than the mines ever could.

 

     “ _Welcome home_ , _Kitten_.”


	11. ...But You Can't Hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USA National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)//1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
> 
> Tags are important. Tags. Are. Important. TAGS ARE IMPORTANT!!!!!!! Please mind the updated tags.
> 
> Thank you everyone for sticking with me this far. This story is so personal for me and seeing how much you've come to care about Lilah as a character has filled me with more joy than I thought possible.
> 
> Finally, disclaimers to cover my ass: I am a certified EMD. However, I do not suggest taking any first aid instructions (no matter how minor) I've written into this story as your gospel. If you ever have an emergency, call your local emergency number and follow the instructions the dispatcher provides.
> 
> Let it also be known that Emery and Ramirez in no way, shape, or form symbolize my view of law enforcement as I work in the field myself. I recognize that there are good cops, bad cops, mediocre cops, and Emery himself is a fictional character taken to an extreme (Ramirez, admittedly is another extreme.)
> 
> (Also: Did not intend for these partners to share initials. It literally only occurred to me while writing this chapter. I don't know why but it made me giggle.)

_Wake up!_

 

Lilah kicked out her legs, thumping them against solid, unyielding, muscle.

 

_Damn it, wake up!_

 

Her vision grew darker with each passing second. The fingers around her neck tightened until she thought her neck would snap in half.

 

_Why can’t I wake up?!_

 

Her hands fell limp to her sides. Her body wouldn’t respond no matter how much she tried to struggle...still, the nightmare wouldn’t end. By now, she’d usually be shocked awake— darting upright in bed with her heart beating out of her chest and drenched in cold sweat. So why was tonight different?

 

Her body hit the floor with all the force of a bullet. Her head cracked against the wood and her shoulder and hip exploded with searing pain from the impact. She gasped for breath, lungs filling with air only to be mercilessly coughed out as she tried to remember how to breathe properly. Her body acted before her brain had a moment to catch up, clawing her way forward as horror finally settled into her. The pain in her throat was real. The blood dripping down the side of her face was real.

 

This was all real.

 

“Where do you think you’re going?” A dark voice laughed over her. The hand that had been closing around her throat now gripped her ankle and yanked her back. She dug her nails into the floor as though she could hold her position but they splintered without offering any resistance and left a trail of crimson in their wake.

 

“Let me go!” Her scream was hoarse and ripped at her throat. She was flipped effortlessly onto her back despite how she clawed and kicked through the pain. The room around her wavered as though she were looking at it underwater but she saw her assailant as clear as day— dressed in a navy blue four button coat, a golden shield emblazoned over his heart with the logo of the ZMPD engraved on its face. Someone wearing such a uniform should have been a symbol of safety...but all Lilah could feel was dread.

 

A twisted grin split an otherwise undeniably handsome face, those green eyes that had once held all the promises of the universe glittered only with malice as he glowered down at her. He held her in place easily with one hand pinning her hands above her head and settling his knees on her thighs, not a strand of his dark hair out of place.

 

“What’s wrong, Sweetheart? Aren’t you happy to see me?” Emery asked, all honey and sugar in his tone.

 

Lilah spat at his face, her saliva slapping just beneath his left eye. Emery only sighed and lazily wiped it away. He looked curiously at the wet smear on his fingers, then the back of his hand cracked across her face. Her cheek lit with fiery pain as her head snapped to the side. She choked back the shout that threatened to erupt from her abused throat. She wouldn’t give him anymore satisfaction than he already had— she couldn’t.

 

“That wasn’t very nice. Is that any way to treat your loving boyfriend?” Emery grasped her chin and forced her head straight, demanding her to focus only on him. “Shouldn’t you be showing me how much you’ve missed me?”

 

It was all she could do not to scream when his lips crashed against hers. She screwed her eyes shut, jagged remains of her nails sliced into her palms as she tensed. For a moment, she didn’t feel like herself. She could see her body pinned by his as though she were an outsider witnessing the entire affair. He crushed her body beneath his, pressing something solid into her hip that had her mind shouting through the fog. It was something she was forgetting, something vital. Realization struck her just as Emery’s hand hovered menacingly over her throat once again.

 

Sebastian’s dagger.

 

She gasped, her eyes shooting open as she came back to herself. Emery hadn’t noticed the weapon yet, though there was no telling when he would. She would have to bide her time, find the perfect moment to fight back...but she had a chance. Relief flooded through her tense muscles, relaxing her just enough that Emery’s grip did not tighten. He pulled away, lips curling into a mocking sneer and arching an eyebrow at her, but his eyes sparkled as though she’d just turned to solid gold in front of him.

 

“What? You want me to choke you?” He asked.

 

Lilah arched her back, catching his lips in a kiss that couldn’t be called anything else but desperate. Revulsion churned in her stomach but she battled against it, pressing herself as tightly as she could into him as he groaned. Sebastian’s face flashed in her mind— the way he held her when their lips met, privately smiling just for her with each gentle kiss. Every part of her rejected this kiss that did nothing but dominate, screaming out for the warmth she had come to know but finding only cold terror. Emery’s tongue shoved its way past her lips, demanding control and she gave it to him, fighting the tears welling up in her eyes.

 

This was necessary. She forced Sebastian out of her mind, pushing herself closer against the monster on top of her. She managed a soft sound, hoping it would calm him, coax him into letting her hands free. His grip on her wrists did loosen, just enough to allow blood to continue to flow to her numb fingertips.

 

“My sweet girl,” Emery growled. He grabbed her throat and shoved her flat against the floor. “How _fucking_ stupid do you think I am?”

 

He released her hands only for a metallic sound to ring from her hip. The steel of the dagger flashed menacingly in front of her, her wide eyes reflecting back at her from the surface. He pressed the sharp of the blade against her cheek. The edge bit into her skin, slicing through easily and a hot stream of blood poured down her face.

 

“Is this what you wanted?” He scowled. “Answer me!”

 

Lilah tried to pry his hand away from her neck, shaking her head desperately. He would kill her. He would absolutely kill her and the last thing she would see would be him towering over her. She wondered if he’d leave her body there for someone else to discover or if he’d take her with him. Maybe he’d dump her off of a cliff or into the ocean where she wouldn’t be found for weeks.

 

“I’m going to carve up this pretty face of yours.” He laughed and put all his weight against her. “We’ll see if anyone else wants you after that. Maybe I should bring that punk kid here to watch.”

 

Her stomach rose to her throat. He couldn’t know about Sebastian, could he? She didn’t think he would actually be able to hurt Bas, but the look in his eyes was off. He looked even more enraged than usual, like he didn’t care what he needed to do in order to ruin her. Maybe he really would kill them both.

 

“I-I don’t know what— ”

 

Emery stabbed the knife next to her head.

 

“Don’t lie to me!” Spittle flew from his mouth, splattering onto her face. He snarled and grabbed her jaw, forcing her mouth open. He shoved the dagger against her mouth, the edge pressing against her tongue and digging into the sides of her lips. Lilah stiffened and tried to keep as still as possible. “If you lie to me, I’ll cut your fucking tongue out. I’ll cut it out and put it in that fucking stew they’re cooking down at the beach, do you hear me? I’ll make that little shit eat it.”

 

Tears fell freely from her eyes, mixing with the blood on her cheek and she hated herself. She hated how weak she was. She hated that she hadn’t just jumped off the roof of their building when she’d had a chance. Why did she have to run? Why did she have to bring another person into this mess? Emery wouldn’t be able to get away with killing both of them but that wouldn’t matter when they were already dead. Whatever he did to Bas would be completely her fault.

 

Emery moved to remove the dagger from her mouth. She had barely any reprieve before a light jingling sound played through the cabin. It was familiar but she couldn’t quite place it. Emery seemed to know it immediately and cursed, shoving the blade back into her mouth.

 

“Don’t you so much as whine,” he warned. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his cellphone. The screen was illuminated with an incoming call and he scowled, swiping his thumb across the bottom of the screen and pressing the phone to his ear. When he spoke, his voice was chillingly conversational— a sharp contrast to the rage burning in his eyes. “What do you need?” A pause as the other party spoke, words muffled and inaudible to where she lay on the floor. If she screamed, would they hear her? Would it do any good? She swallowed thickly around the blade pressed into her mouth and felt it prick the top of her tongue. “Yeah, I’ll grab it from the car. I’m on my way.”

 

Emery disconnected the line and shoved the phone back into his pocket. He stared down at her in consideration before he took the knife from her mouth and grabbed her by the hair. Lilah shrieked as he climbed off of her, dragging her across the floor over to the bed. He shoved her back against the bedpost and retrieved some zip-ties from his belt. She kicked at him, tried to push herself to her feet but he slammed her back against the wooden frame again and wrapped a zip-tie around her neck, securing her to the post.

 

“If you struggle too much, you’ll suffocate,” he warned.

 

“Why are you dragging this out?” Lilah cried. “If you’re going to kill me, then kill me.”

 

Emery laughed, pushing her hands behind her and zip-tying them behind the bed post as well.

 

“I don’t want to kill you, Sweetheart. I love you.” He kissed her again with enough force to bang the back of her head against the bed. He tugged the sheath off of her belt and slipped the dagger inside, fastening it out of the way on his own belt. “But I have to go to work now. I don’t have anymore time to play with you. If you’re a good girl, I’ll bring your friend over so you can at least say goodbye before we go home. You can be the last thing he ever sees. Would you like that?”

 

Lilah felt her blood run cold.

 

“Let’s just go now,” she begged as he started to tie her ankles. “Don’t bring anyone else into this. I’ll be good. Just take me home right now.”

 

“I would if I could but I didn’t come just to pick you up. The Governor is here and my partner and I are here as his escort. You remember Eddie, don’t you?”

 

Eddie Ramirez. They were partners but he and Emery were nothing alike. He was a man with kind eyes and a kinder voice— the few times that Lilah had been allowed to meet him at agency functions, she had liked him. Trusted him. He wouldn’t stand for any sort of injustice, it didn’t matter who committed the crime. She wondered if he’d believe her if she could talk to him, convince him to take Emery far away and never come after her again...but it was only a pipedream. Emery would never let her be alone with him long enough.

 

“I’ll be back soon, Kitten.”

 

Emery stood and smoothed out his uniform, retrieving a hat from the dining table. He snapped it onto his head and stepped out the front door, closing it firmly behind him without giving her another glance. She stared at the door long after he left, unable to even hang her head without the plastic cutting off her air. Her body shook against her restraints, muscles rebelling against their confinement. Her heart thundered in her chest, breath becoming quick and shallow. It wasn’t long until the screaming started— panicked, helpless, so shrill it shredded her throat apart. She screamed and screamed until she realized she wasn’t screaming anymore.

 

She was laughing. Loud, hysterical, even manic. She laughed herself to tears, sobbing and shrieking, straining against her tied hands and feet.

 

“Fuck,” she giggled, tears streaming down her face. “Fuck you. _Fuck you_ , Lilah. You did this to yourself.” She thumped her bound feet against the floor, banged the back of her head against the bedpost, tugged at her wrists. “ _Fuck!_ ”

 

She couldn’t go back. If he wasn’t going to kill her, she may as well struggle until the tie around her neck tightened. She closed her eyes, swallowing against the pressure around her throat and the ringing in her ears. It’d be less painful than living in that prison of an apartment again. He’d never let her see the sunlight after all of this. She laughed again, bitterly.

 

She wondered if Sebastian would think she stood him up when she didn’t show up at the luau. Would he come looking for her or would he think she had changed her mind about him and leave her as she was? Would he come to talk to her days from now to get an answer only to be greeted by an empty farm? Either way, she would never see him again.

 

It felt like a fate worse than death.

 

* * *

  


She was late. Sebastian checked the time on his phone with a grimace, an untouched drink sitting on the table in front of him. Sam was rambling about something across from him, sand all over his bare torso and swim trunks still dripping onto the sand underneath his chair, but the words mingled with the din of music and crashing waves. Nothing but white noise. Sebastian sighed and locked his screen, placing his phone faceup on the table. Maybe he should go check on her...but was that too clingy? He didn’t want her to feel like he was going to be an overbearing boyfriend— that was the absolute last thing she needed.

 

He startled at a hand placed on his shoulder but smiled.

 

“I was wondering when you’d get here,” he said. He looked over his shoulder, countenance immediately falling when faced with Abigail.

 

“Lilah still isn’t here?” She asked, concern wrinkling her brows.

 

“I’m sure she just got held up,” Sam said. “Maybe she fell behind on work and can’t come until she’s finished.”

 

“She finished everything this morning before stopping by. She said she just needed to shower and get dressed and she’d be here.” Sebastian tried not to sound disappointed, like some kind of petulant child, but Sam picked up on it immediately.

 

“Hey, she’s probably just putting on makeup or something so she looks pretty for you.” He teased.

 

“She doesn’t need makeup for that.” Sebastian flushed as Sam howled with laughter. Even Abigail grinned at him, eyes sparkling with mirth.

 

“Shit,” Sam wiped his eyes, still laughing. “You’ve got it bad. How is it that _you’re_ the first one of us to land a girlfriend?”

 

Usually, Sebastian would correct him that he and Lilah weren’t official. That had all changed this afternoon but he wasn’t sure about telling their friends without her with him. Still, the way Sam said it boosted his ego a bit.

 

“Because I actually talked to her.” Sebastian smirked and picked up his watered-down drink, tossing it into the sand. “Speaking of, there’s Penny.”

 

Sam dashed beneath the table, poking his head out from beneath the tablecloth. His eyes darted warily from face to face of the party-goers as Abigail shrieked with laughter.

 

“Why are you so _scared_ of her?” She asked.

 

“It’s not _her_ ,” Sam hissed. “She’s beautiful. It’s her mom that I’m scared of. She’d rip me apart if I asked Penny out.”

 

“Wuss.” Abigail snorted and sipped her drink, “If you don’t ask her out, I will.”

 

Sebastian took his glass back to the buffet table, leaving his friends behind to bicker. It was a conversation that’d have Lilah giggling. Then, her and Abigail would huddle together and conspire to get Sam and Penny alone somehow while Sam pleaded with him for help. He knew he had seen her just that afternoon, but the entire party felt so lonely without her.

 

He hoped she turned up soon.

 

He ladled more punch into his glass, eyes scanning the guests. There were all the locals but also some unfamiliar faces from surrounding towns. It left the hair on the back of his neck on end, so many strangers crowded together in one place. He wondered how he had ever thought he would be able to survive in the city once upon a time. He lingered at the table for a while, looking for the face he’d been waiting for, until a nearby shout caught his attention.

 

A man in uniform at the end of the table raised his foot in pain, Old Man George rolled past him in his wheelchair.

 

“Watch where you’re going!” He barked over his shoulder, no regard for the badge shining in the evening sun on the stranger’s chest. The cop watched George roll away with an incredulous expression before he scowled and rested his abused foot on a bench.

 

He looked young, still older than Sebastian but youthful in a way that he didn’t picture when police were mentioned. His sharp nose wrinkled as he reached for his duty belt. He’d never seen an officer up close before, though it seemed like such an odd thing to realize now. He was a legitimate cop, Sebastian noticed, with a gun, pepper spray, taser, and handcuffs all neatly lined up on his belt...but something else. Something odd caught his attention, though he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

 

The officer pulled out a cloth from a pouch secured to the back of his belt, shining the scuff George’s chair had left on his shoe. His arm brushed against the hilt of a knife— a dagger, Sebastian realized. A cold tidal wave crashed through him as he recognized that hilt and sheath. It was the very blade he had given Lilah earlier that afternoon. He was frozen, even as the cop straightened and shoved the cloth into his pocket. It was possible that it was just a similar dagger, but they didn’t come standard issue to law enforcement did they?

 

The man turned his way, the sunlight catching the gold of his badge. Sweat trickled down the back of his neck. The name **E. Rowe** was engraved just beneath the shield. The same name on Lilah’s Missing Persons flyer. The same name that sent Lilah spiralling into a panic, that she had cried over as she described an act that Sebastian could still barely comprehend was possible for a human being to commit. Fire and ice raged inside of him, fear for Lilah and anger warring against each other. He wanted to pounce on the man, pummel his fists into his face, smash his glass against his skull. He wouldn’t be able to explain his actions but it’d be worth it.

 

The dagger was the only thing that gave him pause. There was only one way that bastard could have come into possession of it and the thought left him nauseous.

 

What had happened to Lilah?

 

Sebastian turned his back quickly and started back for the table. Emery had no idea who he was, so that gave him an advantage. He mixed himself in with the crowd to be safe until he made it back to Sam and Abigail— still bickering but no longer about Penny.

 

“I’ll be right back, guys. Can you cover for me?” He asked, setting his second drink down to be ignored yet again so he could grab his phone.

 

“Sure.” Sam nodded. “We talking ‘off to take a leak’ or what?”

 

“I don’t know how long I’ll be. Play it safe.”

 

“Explosive diarrhea. Works every time.” Sam frowned. “But...are you good?”

 

“I don’t know yet.” Sebastian turned to Abigail. “If Lilah shows up, have her wait here for me, okay?”

 

“Yeah, no problem.” Abigail tilted her head. “Do you need any help?”

 

“I’ll call if I do.” Sebastian slipped his phone into his pocket and returned to the crowd. He tried to keep himself calm as he made his way to the bridge connecting the beach island to the mainland. He kept his steps measured, forcing himself to walk until he reached the other side of the bridge and could no longer hear the music from the party. He looked over his shoulder to make sure he wasn’t being followed. Tension coiled up his spine like he was being watched but there was no one behind him.

 

His legs naturally picked up speed once the cobblestone beneath his feet morphed into the paved road of the town square. He broke out into a run, racing towards Haven farm like the devil was at his heels. His heart pounded against his chest, terrified of what he might find at the cabin. Even as Haven came into view, his anxiety didn’t leave. He leapt up the stairs and gripped the door handle, shoving his shoulder against the wood with perhaps more force than he needed to.

 

The door was unlocked…

 

...and all his nightmares came true.

 

At first, he wasn’t sure what exactly he was seeing. All his breath left him at the sight of Lilah sitting on the floor near her bed, the back of her head resting against the bedpost. Her eyes were closed, face filthy with dark streaks of blood. Her throat was bared to him from the way her head lolled back, the flesh of her neck was deep red, a white zip-tie stark against the unnatural pigment secured her neck to the wooden post. He stumbled once in his rush to her side, cradling her face in his hands. The dried blood cracked and flaked away beneath his fingers.

 

“Lilah!” He hadn’t known his voice could sound so shrill, so desperate. His eyes burned and he tapped her cheeks, trying to rouse her. “Lilah, open your eyes! Fuck...Fuck, wake up!”

 

Gingerly, he checked for a pulse. It was strong and steady. Her chest rose and fell with even breaths...so at least she was alive. Sebastian ran his hands through his hair, trying to keep his cool. Panicking wouldn’t help. He considered running back to the beach, dragging Harvey away from the party to help...but what if Emery got back before he did? He shook his head. Lilah needed to be safe before he could even think of leaving her side again.

 

He took a breath, retrieved his phone and quickly texted Sam.

 

_Get Harvey to my house. Now._

 

He shoved the phone back into his pocket, ignoring as it vibrated with a reply, and ran to Lilah’s kitchen. He yanked open drawers and cabinets until he found a pair of scissors, hopefully sharp enough to rip through the plastic of her restraints. When he returned to her side, Lilah’s eyes had opened— distant and glazed over, she looked at him as though she saw right through him.

 

“...Bas?” She could barely speak, nothing but a hoarse whisper broke the air between them.

 

“It’s me,” he reassured her. He carefully slipped the scissors between her skin and the zip-tie. “It’s going to be okay. Just hold on.”

 

“Are we dead?” Her voice hitched and tears trailed filthy streams through the blood on her face. It took three tries but the blades of the scissors finally cut through the plastic securing her throat. She fell forward into his shoulder immediately, wailing into his shirt. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, this is all my fault!”

 

“Lilah, it’s okay! You’re going to be okay.” He allowed himself to hold her briefly, but he still had to cut through her hands and ankles. “Listen to me, you’re alive. We’re both alive. I’m going to get you help.”

 

“We’re alive,” She whispered. She let him settle her back to sit up straight so he could cut through the ties around her hands. The skin of her palms were deep purple, the plastic digging into the flesh of her wrists much too tightly. It took effort to slide the scissors in without cutting her but the tie wouldn’t sever.

 

He tried again as Lilah began to shake her head, slowly at first and then much more frantically.

 

“No, no, no, no, no, no, you have to leave,” she cried. “Please, Bas, you have to go.”

 

“We’re going together,” he swore. He adjusted the scissors once more, finally cutting halfway through the plastic before she started to struggle. “Lilah, stop!”

 

“No, you need to hurry and go. If he comes back and sees you, he’ll...he’s going to kill you. He told me he would!” She swung her legs at him and Sebastian barely grabbed them before they collided with his ribs.

 

“ _Nothing_ is going to happen to either of us!” Sebastian forced her legs back down and grabbed her shoulders. “Lilah, look at me! You’re freaking out and I need you to stay with me. I’m going to get you out of here, I’m going to get you to Harvey, but I need your help too. _Please_!”

 

Lilah still shook her head but she stopped struggling. Sebastian cut through the ties around her hands and her arms fell limply to her sides. Her wrists were rubbed raw and bloody but it didn’t look as bad as it could’ve been. He hurried to her ankles, took care of them with now-practiced snaps of the scissors and tossed them aside.

 

He gathered her into his arms, held her as tightly as he dared with her present condition. The collar of his shirt grew damp from her tears, her still-purple fingers clung weakly to his chest and for the first time, he thought he knew what it felt like to have his heart completely shattered. He pressed his lips to her hair and swallowed his own tears back. He kept reminding himself to keep it together for her sake but all he wanted to do was kiss her and apologize. Apologize for not walking her home, apologize for not keeping his promise that she’d never need to feel afraid again. His failure was trembling in his lap, trying to press herself into him until there was no telling where they each ended and began.

 

Eventually, she raised her face and pressed her lips just beneath his jaw. He’d never felt so unworthy of it. Still, he kissed her softly, lifting her into his arms and pushing himself to his feet. It would be a bit more difficult than when he’d carried her to Harvey’s clinic back when they first met, the trek up the mountain would be much more arduous with human cargo than the light jaunt to the doctor’s office, but he knew he could keep her much more safe at his house than leaving her alone at the clinic.

 

The sound of footsteps reached his ears just as he turned for the door. Emery stood between them and the outside, firearm drawn and trained at the both of them.

 

“I’d put her down if I were you,” he warned, finger hovering over the trigger.

 

Sebastian grit his teeth. He held Lilah tighter to his chest as she stiffened but made no move to release her.

 

“She needs a doctor,” Sebastian said. He eyed the gun warily. If he put Lilah down, attacked at an angle, would he be able to rush him in time to at least knock the weapon away? Emery raised his aim— for the head? He gulped but still didn’t let her go.

 

“The only one she needs is me,” Emery spat. “All you’d do is ruin her. You don’t know the first thing about how to handle her. She’s crazy, aren’t you, baby? You need to come home with me so you can get better.”

 

“There’s only one crazy person here and it’s not her.” Sebastian scowled. Lilah trembled in his arms and bit her lip.

 

“Put me down, Bas.” Her voice was so soft, he almost missed it.

 

“No way in Hell,” he told her. The smile she gave him broke him inside all over again. It was so small, so defeated. She shifted in his arms in a way that he had to settle her on her feet for fear of dropping her, but he kept his arm around her and pulled her protectively behind him with a glare. “Go ahead and shoot me. It’s the only way I’ll let her go with you.”

 

“Bas, no!” Lilah tried to push forward but Sebastian held her behind him, his face grim. Emery only laughed and shrugged his shoulders as though he knew none of it could be helped.

 

“If you insist.”

 

“Emery!” A voice called from the doorway.

 

Emery whipped his head around to look outside, shock replaced by sheer loathing as another man ran into the cabin. He was dressed in the same uniform, thick black hair curling wildly around his head. Sweat left streaks across his deep cedar skin as he looked between Emery and Sebastian. His dark eyes landed on Lilah and his jaw dropped.

 

“Holy mother of…” He traced a ‘Y’ over his heart and pulled out his taser, aiming straight for Sebastian. “Show me your hands and step away from the girl!”

 

Sebastian scowled but raised his hands. He didn’t move.

 

“He’s the one that must have taken her,” Emery told the man. “Look what he did to her!”

 

“ _You_ did this to her!” Sebastian shouted.

 

“He said he’d kill her before he let her go. Eddie, go lethal!”

 

Eddie looked between Emery and Sebastian again. He didn’t lower his taser.

 

“He’s unarmed,” Eddie reasoned. “Let’s just all calm down and try and talk this out.”

 

“Eddie,” Lilah called over, clinging to Sebastian’s back for stability. “Bas is telling the truth— he didn’t do anything to me!”

 

“You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re confused.” Emery scowled.

 

Lilah ducked under Sebastian’s arms and stood in front of him, the laser sight of the taser illuminating her chest.

 

“Lilah, get back!” He lowered his hands and tried to pull her back to safety, but she seemed to fight through her shaking knees and held her ground. Eddie immediately moved his aim off of her but shouted for Sebastian to raise his arms again.

 

“Eddie, please! Bas didn’t do anything wrong, he’s trying to help.” Lilah looked between Eddie and Emery, seeming to struggle with her next words. Cold sweat drenched his skin. He wanted to yank her back behind him but wasn’t sure what would happen if he made any sudden movements.

 

“Lilah, please get behind me,” he begged. She shook her head, her decision made. She locked eyes with Eddie, voice still hoarse but solid with conviction.

 

“He never hurt me. Emery is the one who—”

 

A crack of thunder boomed through the cabin, reverberated off the walls with so much force it shook the window panes...and time stood still. When he saw Emery’s hand twitch, his body had moved on its own. All Sebastian knew was that his ears were ringing and a bitter smell filled the air but dissipated almost as quickly as it hit his nose. Lilah was in his arms, his entire body curled around her. She was screaming. He knew she must have been shocked but there was no reason to be upset.

 

The shot had missed.

 

“It’s okay,” he said. At least, he tried to. When he opened his mouth to speak he coughed wetly into his arm, crimson splattering across his skin. He squinted at it, not quite comprehending why he couldn’t manage the words that were on the tip of his tongue. The more he tried to speak, the more he felt like he was drowning. His legs gave out and he crumbled to the ground as more shouting erupted around him. Lilah cradled him against her, bracing him against her body as she fell to the floor with him.

 

For a moment he thought they were back inside the mines, holding each other in the cold that seemed to have settled through his entire body. He wanted to pull her close, promise her anything and everything just so she would stop looking down at him with such a miserable expression.

 

As darkness began to overtake him, he regretted that all he’d managed to do lately was make her cry.

 

* * *

  


The sound of the gunshot was penetrating. She felt it in her bones, felt it in the pain in her eardrums and shuddering of her spine. She squeezed her eyes shut against the noise, expecting to feel pain scorch through her body at any moment...but none came. Warmth enveloped her, covering her body completely and blocking out everything except a scent that was heart-wrenchingly familiar. She didn’t dare to look, fear already rooting itself deep in her chest. Deep down, she already knew what had happened.

 

It didn’t stop her heart from sinking when she finally opened her eyes to see Sebastian curled around her. It didn’t stop her from screaming when she put her hands to his back, only for them to come back coated in his blood. He’d managed to smile at her, tried to speak but blood painted the inside of his mouth and he lost his balance. It was all she could do to hold him and make sure he didn’t crash against the floor.

 

“Bas!” She pushed hair away from his face, watched him grow more pale with each passing second. His eyes were closed, a sick hissing sound came out of him as he breathed. “Bas, please! Please stay with me!”

 

“Why did you fire?!” Eddie shouted, turning to Emery. “He was unarmed. It didn’t have to go this way!” He holstered his taser and hurried toward Lilah, hand going to his radio.

 

“Don’t move, Eddie.” Emery pointed the gun at his partner, stopping him in his tracks. Eddie’s eyes widened, raising his hands to the sides of his head.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“You shouldn't have followed me.” Emery shook his head.

 

“Are you going to shoot me? Me?!” Eddie’s eyes were wide, sweat trickling down the side of his face.

 

Lilah helped Sebastian lay flat on the floor, an emptiness settling in her chest that she didn’t recognize. His blood coated her arms and torso, shaking her deep into her core. She looked at Eddie, the way his eyes darted from Emery’s gun to her, his adam’s apple bobbing with anxiety.

 

“My career is already over with this. Might as well tie up loose ends so no one can come after us.” Emery’s finger moved to the trigger.

 

 _Enough_ …

 

Lilah pushed herself up and ran. She threw herself into Emery’s side, knocking him just enough to disrupt his aim. His weapon discharged into the window, shattering the glass and littering the floor with shards. Emery swung his arm, striking her in the gut and knocking her into the table. Her head smacked against the edge, sending the room spinning, but she forced herself back onto her feet and got ready to charge him again.

 

Three more shots exploded through the cabin before she got the chance. The silence that followed seemed to stretch on forever.

 

Emery looked over his shoulder, face contorting in disbelief before he fell. Eddie had his firearm drawn, breathing heavily with a pained expression as Emery’s head knocked against the floor. He seemed to come back to himself quickly, rushing over and kicking Emery’s weapon away before checking for a pulse as he keyed up on his radio.

 

“Officer down at 3 Mountain Rd, Pelican Town, EMS times two, Code 3.” His voice only shook slightly as he relayed his message to whoever was listening. He left Emery behind and hurried to Sebastian. He checked for a pulse and ripped Sebastian’s shirt off his body, flipping him onto his stomach so he could reach the wound in his back. Lilah watched him helplessly, not knowing what to do. Everything was happening so fast. When Eddie shouted to her, she didn’t even realize he’d been speaking.

 

“What...what should I do?” She asked.

 

“We need to stop the bleeding,” Eddie barked, taking command. “I need clean cloth or bandages.”

 

“Clean…” She shook her head harshly. The first aid kit. She ran to her cabinets, throwing everything inside to the floor until she found the square box and rushed it to Eddie.

 

“You need to apply a firm pressure.” Eddie instructed. He asked her for supplies and she pressed them into his waiting hands. He packed gauze over the bleeding wound and grabbed her hand, pressing it firmly against Sebastian’s back. “If it bleeds through, add more on top of it. Use his shirt if you have to but do _not_ take it off. Do you understand?”

 

Lilah nodded, pressing both hands against the packing. When he finished, he ordered her to monitor his breathing and moved to Emery’s side with the first aid kit, pressing gauze against his wounds and muttering prayers under his breath.

 

Lilah felt bitterness in the back of her throat. She wanted to tell Eddie to just let him die. He could bleed out on the floor for everything he’d done. As the thought sunk its claws into her mind, she saw Emery’s gun just a few feet away, abandoned near the bedpost she had just been bound to. She could grab it without Eddie noticing, unload it into Emery’s back until nothing could possibly save him.

 

She kept one hand pressed against Bas’s back and reached for it. Consequences be damned, it was the least he deserved. She bit her lip, sliding the gun closer until she could grasp it properly. She had never shot a gun before. It looked so easy on tv, like a point and shoot game. She raised it up, lining up the orange dots on the sight with Emery’s collapsed form. All she needed to do was pull the trigger.

 

Bas’s hand twitched near her thigh, fingers curling to brush against her skin. She knew it wasn’t possible but his fingers moved again as though seeking her out. Her breath hitched, the anger draining out of her and leaving her weak in an instant. She dropped the gun, tossing it under the bed where it would be out of reach. She couldn’t afford to think about anything else except helping Bas survive long enough to get help. She grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles, the coldness of his skin twisted her stomach into knots but she didn’t pull her lips away.

 

It felt like hours before she finally heard the sirens blaring from the main road.


	12. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USA National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)//1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
> 
> Soooooooo I can't count. I had this chapter plus an epilogue planned. I considered just mashing them together as one final chapter but it threw off the entire flow. Thank you everyone for your support through this story and for your patience for the extended wait while I worked on this chapter. The Epilogue will be posted around the first week of May and will pave the way for the next installment of this series. I hope you'll continue to follow this story into the sequel (though, I view it more as a "Season 2").
> 
> If you haven't already, I suggest bookmarking the series so you'll know when it's posted.
> 
> Thank you all again! I'll see you in the epilogue!

     The numbness that enveloped her body and mind as she watched men and women in uniforms load Sebastian onto a gurney should have been a blessing. Everywhere she looked, every one she saw, everything hazed over like a dream. Distant and distorted voices, not speaking words but groaning and moaning in communication, rumbled around her. Someone grasped her shoulders, shook her lightly, and she vaguely recalled being strapped into a vehicle and watching the scenery flash around her—blending together in an abstract landscape of watercolors that mixed in all the wrong ways. Bile rose in her throat.

 

     She couldn’t find any words of alarm before she lurched forward and vomited between her feet. Reality snapped back into place from the force of her stomach expelling all its contents. The rush of the world passing through open car windows roared through her entire body, churning up the stabbing pain in her head. Her stomach heaved in rejection once again while a large hand rested on her back, soothing circles rubbed between her shoulder blades as she wailed hysterically between her knees. Another voice, words unintelligible through the rush of wind and blood in her ears, crooned softly but it didn’t calm her. The distorted world she now resided in was twisted and wrong in all the worst ways. Nothing would ever be okay again, though at the time she couldn’t quite remember why.

 

     The doctors later told her she had been in shock.

 

     The Barone Memorial Hospital was smaller than the one in the heart of Zuzu City but it was cleaner and softer around the edges. The nurses wore soft pinks and yellows, smiled encouraging smiles and spoke with such sincerity that Lilah felt she surely laid on her deathbed. By the time she gathered her wits enough to fully comprehend where exactly she’d been staying, the bruises on her neck and wrists shined a jarring black. Distinctive handprints wrapped around her throat, a ghost of malice lingering in the mirror’s reflection every time she happened a glance and she still sounded as if she’d gargled with razor blades. She’d suffered a moderate concussion, ached from bruises all over her body and face, and sutures mended the gash down her cheek—dissolvable, the doctor had told her, and less prone to scarring. Time would only tell if she’d be forced to face it every morning for eternity.

 

     Even with that prospect, she had gotten off easy.

 

     Bas was still under close observation. The bullet had pierced through his back and scraped across his lung until it finally lodged itself in a rib, at least that’s what Eddie had told her. He still hadn’t woken up and each hour grew more grim than the last. Her requests to see him had been denied. Even Robin had very limited visitation inside his room and usually could only see her only son through the window. Lilah’s chest grew heavy at the thought.

 

     When Robin had visited her room, she had been pale and her eyes glazed over with welled up tears. She’d taken one look at Lilah and promptly broken down, grasping one of Lilah’s bandaged hands in hers while they mourned together. The tears seemed endless and Lilah waited for the moment when the sadness would finally give way to fury. She prepared herself for the ire of a mother about to lose her only son, braced for a sharpened tongue to lash out, accuse and condemn, but Robin only wiped her face with her sleeve. Her pale skin blotched with red and shimmered with residual tears, eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep and emotion. She didn’t scream. She didn’t pummel Lilah with her fists or claw at her with her nails. Instead, the voice that came out of the older woman was small and the words were all wrong.

 

     “Are you okay?” She asked.

 

     It was worse than a slap to the face. Lilah hadn’t known what to say. The apology was already tumbling out of her lips before she could pull it back. She begged for forgiveness over and over, unable to express anything but regret even as Robin wrapped her in her arms and tried to calm her. Everything came pouring out of her in that maternal embrace— disjointed confessions of guilt that may not have even been words at all, but Robin only shook her head and continued to hold her. Perhaps later she would ask Lilah to explain, but in that moment they had both been more concerned for Bas than anything else.

 

     A knock sounded from the door to her room—pointless as it was open at all times. Eddie stood in the doorway, the back of his knuckles still resting against the metal doorframe as he clutched a notebook in his palm. Dressed in plain clothing rather than a uniform, yet still professional enough that made her feel like he wasn’t there for a social call: A crisp white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled halfway up his thick forearms and brown slacks. He had his shoulder holsters on but no weapons. His face contorted into a grimace, hesitant and unsure even as he approached her bedside.

 

     “What is it?” Lilah asked. Her own body tensed, spine rigid from his unease permeating the room. Eddie sat down in the faded pink chair, the upholstery worn down in the seat to where the fabric bleached white. He ran his hand through his messy curls and sighed, but in a moment his shoulders straightened and his face shifted over to a mask of grave professionalism.

 

     “I know it’s been tough but I need to ask you some questions while everything is still fresh in your mind.” Eddie was gone, Detective Ramirez sat in his place. Lilah gripped the thin sheets as tightly as she could, swallowing against barbed wire tangling in her throat. When she didn’t make any effort to speak, Detective Ramirez leaned forward in his seat. “Listen to me, Lilah. I don’t understand what happened between you two, but I shot my own partner. When he’s cleared from the hospital there’s going to be an investigation. He could very well walk away with little more than administrative leave unless you help me.”

 

     Lilah’s heart stopped. The walls inched their way in, threatening to crush her firmly between them. Hadn’t this nightmare gone on long enough? If she gave her statement, pressed charges, there could be a trial. That in itself could take years—years of interviews with detectives that had worked alongside Emery, years of reliving every memory that she just wanted to throw away and forget. All of it needed to end, one way or another, but what was she supposed to do?

 

_What the hell was she supposed to do?_

 

     Eddie’s hand engulfed her shoulder, squeezing her gently. It was only then that she noticed her chest was heaving, breaths leaving her in quick ragged succession, and sweat beaded at her hairline. The heels of her hands jabbed against her eyelids, spots of color dancing across her darkened vision from the pressure. She wanted to scream. She wanted throw the furniture in the room through the windows and spit and curse until a nurse could pump her full of enough sedatives to make her sleep through the rest of this horror. The nurses’ shoes squeaking through the halls, the beeps and alarms from monitors, the rumble of the air conditioner, all of it was too loud. Her ears were full of nonsense, even Eddie’s coaxing left her wanting to rip her hair out. In a moment, the raucous roar all but consumed her and Lilah wondered if she screamed out against it— even her own thoughts were drowning.

 

     Then, it was quiet.

 

     A dark revelation settled in her chest, haunting and heavy enough to churn her stomach. She had a choice to make — it was a choice she thought had been decided all those months ago at the bus depot: Was she a victim or a survivor?

 

     She thought she had become stronger during her time in Pelican Town. She told herself  all she needed was a new roof over her head and she would no longer be the weak thing she despised back in Zuzu City. Except she hadn’t really changed at all, had she? She had tried to pretend that none of it had ever happened yet still ran her life around the fear that Emery would track her down...and then he had. Despite all her posturing about taking her life back, she realized the disgusting truth of it all: She had _chosen_ to stay his _victim_ and Bas had paid the price for her decision.

 

     Lilah grit her teeth and pulled her fists away from her eyes. Back then, she had made the wrong choice. She was being given the chance to take it back— take it _all_ back. Her eyes cut to Eddie, resolve hardening around her heart like armor. There would be no more running. No more hiding in fear for nightmares to find her.

 

     She would fight.

 

     She would survive.

 

* * *

 

     Detective Ramirez snapped his notebook shut. His grim expression hadn’t changed since Lilah had started speaking. He listened in silence, notated everything she said with his lips pressed into a firm line and dark brows furrowed. When she finished, her history with Emery was preserved in ink. Five years wasted bleeding, sobbing, and praying for an end was immortalized in the moleskin notepad resting in the detective’s lap. The words had flown from her lips and bled her pain onto the pages. One day, when all of this was over, those words would be destroyed. Burned, shredded, tossed in the trash to wilt and wither away where they would never been read again. Her body felt lighter at the thought, wondering if they would be nothing but an inconsequential memory to her by that time. Eddie grimaced and shook his head, hiding the notebook from her view as he slipped his pen back into his pocket.

 

     “What you’ve told me sounds like a completely different person,” he said. “The Emery I know was nothing like that. When he’d talk about you, it was always about how much he loved you.”

 

     “Does it look like he loved me?” Lilah challenged, her voice came out much harsher than she intended. She was tired—physically, mentally, emotionally. Though she expected his questions, it didn’t stop the bitterness from sinking into her tongue. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to be completely angry. Not when she faced the pained expression twisting Eddie’s features.

 

     “I’m sorry,” Eddie rubbed the back of his neck. “I just don’t understand. With everything you just told me, why didn’t you try and get help?”

 

     “From who, the police? You don’t seem to believe me much right now and he even had you at gunpoint.”

     

     “I believe you,” he said. “Your stories match up in regards to what happened in Pelican Town, so I have no reason not to believe you.”

 

     Lilah frowned.

 

     “My story matches up?”

 

     Eddie stood from his seat, cracking his back with a sigh.

 

     “With your friend, Sebastian. I interviewed him before I came to talk to you.”

 

     “Bas is—!” Lilah leapt from her bed, the dull throb of her back and hip a mere annoyance against the rush of adrenaline pounding through her. He was awake and if he was well enough to answer Eddie’s questions, she could see him! Eddie carefully grasped her shoulders as she stumbled on her feet in haste, pulling her back and holding her still.

 

     “Hold on, this is a hospital! You can’t just go running off.” Eddie sat her back onto her bed, dark eyes narrowed with concern. “The only person you should focus on is yourself right now.”

 

     She reluctantly settled back down, her head spinning from her quick movements and body crying out in protest. It wouldn’t do either of them any good for her to go running through the halls trying to find Bas’s room but all she wanted was to see his face.

 

     “At least tell me where he is,” she asked. Eddie hesitated. It was only for a moment, but long enough for a chilling thought to worm its way across her mind: What if Bas didn’t want to see her? It was her fault he was in this situation, who was to say that she would be welcome in his room?

 

     “Room 1408,” he said at last. “But I mean it when I say that you should stay put. You both need to rest up.” He watched her just long enough to make sure she wouldn’t move, then left without saying another word, shaking his head to himself.

 

     In solitude, the thoughts came louder. Worry and guilt tangling in a twisted dance across the forefront of her brain. The world crashed all around her and she couldn’t pick up the pieces until she had answers. It was selfish, maybe even childish, but Bas was the only thing that made sense when she couldn’t control her darkening thoughts. She just wanted to see him.

 

     She just wanted the world to make sense again.

 

     Before she could talk herself out of it, Lilah pushed to her feet. She reached for the bag on top of the table at the foot of the bed— clothing and personal items that Abigail had dropped off at her request. Haven was still considered a crime scene but the younger girl advised she snuck in to accomplish the task. She and Sam had visited a couple of times in the past few days. Neither had asked much except for the obvious— how was she? Any news on Sebastian? She was thankful they hadn’t pressed her for details but she knew she’d have to tell them eventually.

 

     The hospital gown shed from her body like snakeskin, replaced by a light blue zip-up hoodie and some sweatpants. She shoved her feet into her sneakers but the backs folded under her heels and dug into the back of her ankles. It was a discomfort she’d have to deal with, her screaming back wouldn’t let her bend down to fix them.

 

     Bruises and stitches notwithstanding, she didn’t look like a patient anymore. She could walk the halls mostly unmolested if she was careful. Lilah slipped out into the hallway, walking slowly but with purpose along the sterile-white corridor. Signs helpfully guided her along, thick white arrows directing her to her destination. Room 1408 wasn’t terribly far, a quick visit wouldn’t be too difficult and she could be back in bed before anyone noticed.

 

     The rooms she passed were all carbon copies of her own, casting the illusion that she wasn’t getting any closer despite the numbers at the doors gradually decreasing. The sight of the white plastic sign finally reading 1408 was a physical relief. The door was open like her own, the curtains pulled back to reveal Bas sitting up in bed, fiddling with the remote attached to the side of the bed frame. He turned to look at her just as she thought she would tumble to the linoleum floor.

 

     “Lilah!” His voice was hoarse and he moved forward as though to run to her side but his face contorted in pain, a strained sound ripped itself from his throat. Lilah found her feet and rushed to his side. Their arms wrapped around each other, impossible to tell who reached for whom first. The angle was awkward, Bas was drenched in sweat— whether was it pain or fever, Lilah didn’t know— but their bodies pressed together as tightly as they could manage on the small hospital bed. He laid back with his fingers nestled in her hair, her face buried in the crook of his neck. He couldn’t stretch his other arm far but his thumb ran gentle circles along her forearm as her shoulders shook.

 

     There was so much she wanted to say. She thought she had gone there to apologize but the words wouldn’t come out of her mouth. Bas’s arm tightened around her and she breathed in that comforting blend of wood and tobacco that came to her even in her dreams. She was suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to yell at him, demand that he never scare her this way again, but what could she say to chastise a man who literally took a bullet for her? He was warm and alive against her. His heart beat thrummed evenly against where their chests connected, mimicked by the artificial beeping of the monitor hooked up above the bed. She should be thankful.

 

     She shifted just enough to brush her lips against his. She _was_ thankful. Thankful for him coming into her life. Thankful for the feel of his breath against her skin. He kissed her lightly, too soft to be anything but a tease that only left her wanting. She moved to deepen the kiss, desperate to feel more of him come alive beside her, but he pulled away with a sheepish smile.

 

     “My mouth feels nasty. My breath must be terrible,” he warned.

 

     “I don’t care.” Lilah kissed him again, relieved when he welcomed her and didn’t pull away. She felt the pieces shattered by the last few days slowly mend back together inside her. Not quite whole—a part of her wondered if she could ever truly be complete again—but the part of her heart that sang every time her body felt his slowly warmed inside her chest. Her hand cupped his cheek, fingers stroking his face as softly as his tongue danced with her own. The dampness she felt there surprised her, hot against her hand and fresher than sweat. Lilah forced herself to pull away, carefully brushing his bangs out of his eyes.

 

     “Oh, Bas…”

 

     Sebastian’s dark eyes overflowed with tears spilling over his long lashes, trailing glistening streaks down his gaunt cheeks to pearl at his chin. She kissed his face, wiping the tears away with her thumbs while he winced through shuddering breaths and placed a trembling hand over hers.

 

     “I’m sorry,” he said at last, averting his eyes. “Fuck, I’m sorry. The last thing that I can remember is being so...so _fucking_ _scared_. I could hear you screaming and I couldn’t move or even open my eyes...and I thought I had died.” He pressed his lips into her palm, kissing the lines that criss-crossed across her hand. “But I’d do it again. I’d do it a thousand more times if it meant keeping you safe. I just…I’m still not even sure if I’m really alive right now.”

 

     “You’re alive. We’re both alive.”  The echo of his voice in her mind as she repeated his own words back to him only made her more sure that it was the right thing to say. He nodded once against her palm, eyes screwed shut and one arm snugly held her around her waist. Helpless didn’t even begin to cover how she felt. All she could do was cradle him against her chest, gently stroking her fingers through his hair. “We’re both alive,” she said again, “all because of you. You saved my life, Bas. _Thank you_.”

 

     As they held each other, she realized why she couldn’t apologize. He didn’t need her apologies. He needed _her_. He needed whatever strength she had to support him. He needed to feel the same security she felt every time he crossed her mind.

 

     He had been so strong for her from the moment they met, it was about time she did the same for him.

 

* * *

 

     The road to recovery felt longer than it needed to be. While Sebastian had been released soon after waking up to finish convalescing at home, he felt like he may as well had been strapped to his bed. For a small laceration to his lung and a broken rib, there was very little he was allowed to do on his own— not so much doctor’s orders as his mother and Maru constantly trying to make sure he didn’t strain himself. Maru had defended her behavior by tossing out some medical terms that he only barely understood, he’d called her a know-it-all, then the fight ended as soon as it had begun by a wet coughing fit that had his sister running for first aid supplies.

 

     He’d been thoroughly cautioned by his doctor on what to look out for if the condition worsened— so far, nothing he had described had happened. There was no sign of infection, the pain was expected but bearable most days. He knew he was lucky to get away with only one more smaller surgery before being sent home. He just wished everyone else in the house could leave it at that and not treat him as if he could drop dead at any moment because he decided to wash a plate himself.

 

     He supposed he couldn’t deny that part of his agitation stemmed from nicotine withdrawals. The one thing that had been drilled into him at the hospital was how detrimental smoking even one cigarette could be for his condition. The risk of a collapsed lung was plenty motivation to toss his cigarettes into the garbage but it didn’t stop the cravings. He’d taken to drinking way more coffee than necessary, chewing gum, chewing his nails...anything to keep himself from swinging over to Joja Mart and buying a whole carton of smokes. Luckily, Lilah held his hand figuratively and literally every step of the way. She’d gone through it herself once upon a time and assured him that the worst part was already over. He’d be completely over it in a couple weeks, he just needed to stay tough until then.

 

     Speaking of…

 

     Sebastian sighed and shifted in bed, the desire to step outside and smoke almost completely forgotten at the feeling of the warm body beside him. Lilah slept deeply, nestled into his side with one leg tangled with his. His arm pillowed her head, numb and tingling but he couldn’t bring himself to move it. One of her hands rested on his chest. She liked to sleep that way, he’d noticed, with her palm against his heart or her face buried in the pulse on his neck. He didn’t mind. Having her worried about him didn’t feel so bad— though maybe it was because he worried about her too.

 

     Neither of them had step foot at Haven since being released from the hospital. He’d immediately offered for her to stay with him until arrangements could be made to clean the cabin up and, though she hesitated at first, she’d been at his side since. She didn’t talk much about the farm except to lament that the crops she had been tending must be dried up by now. He knew she missed it. Some days he’d find her outside, standing at the edge of the path and staring down the mountain to the farm below, but he also understood her reluctance to return. The place had been meant to be a place of comfort— of new beginnings and a fresh start. Now, it was only another place for her nightmares to come alive. He couldn’t help but feel somewhat responsible.

 

     He’d be lying if he said he didn’t have his own reservations about going back down the mountain. He’d dreamt about the feeling of the bullet ripping through his flesh many times in the last week, he was in no hurry to return to the scene of his much-too-close brush with death. Sometimes, in his dreams, the shot missed him completely and hit her, shredding through her heart and riddling her entire body with bleeding wounds while his screams followed him back into the waking world.

 

     He tried to push the thought away. He’d certainly been struggling with the idea of his own mortality since the confrontation at Haven, but the knowledge that it had almost been her still chilled him all the way to his guts. He wasn’t sure what that said about his own sense of self-worth, nor did he care overly much. He’d meant what he told her back in his hospital bed: He’d do it a thousand times over if he had to. A year ago, he didn’t think that it was possible to care for someone to such an extreme. Now, after just 6 months, she made him want to be stronger, braver, gentler than he ever thought he could be.

 

     The feeling of her sleeping beside him night after night only cemented that resolve. A part of him hoped that she’d never return to Haven—or at least wouldn’t  go anywhere that he couldn’t follow. As he twirled some of her ebony hair between his fingers, he thought he’d never be able to sleep alone ever again. Her sleeping face, her smiling face, her crying face...he didn’t want to miss any of them.

 

     He wondered if this was what it was like to be in—

 

     “Bas…”

 

     “Hmm?” He wasn’t sure if she was really talking to him. Her voice was groggy when she snapped him out of his thoughts, she may very well still be asleep. Then, her eyes fluttered open to glance at him.

 

     “You’re thinking too loud,” she said, eyes drifting back closed as she snuggled back into him.

 

     “Am I?” He chuckled lightly, readjusting his arms around her and pulling her tight against his chest. He kissed her lips as soon as the opportunity presented itself, sighing when she hummed happily at his affection.

 

     “I could feel you staring at me.” she smiled, innocent kisses growing electric enough to chase away the sleep threatening to overtake her again. He ran his hand down her spine and Lilah arched against him, the hem of his borrowed shirt hiking up over hips.

 

     “Sorry about that,” he lied. His hand trailed along her waist to circle her thigh, his thumb massaging circles into her skin. She squirmed and carded her fingers through his bedhead, parting her lips for him. He felt fully alive with the first stroke of her tongue against his, with all the sweetness she poured into each kiss. Each time their lips met, he could feel how desperately she needed to be loved— recognized how easily someone could have taken advantage of it. Her kiss was so full of affection, he felt needed even with the most chaste brush of her lips. She gave as much of herself as she could with each touch, it was no surprise that a predator like Emery had locked her in his sights and claimed her all for himself.

 

     Bas rolled on top of her, banishing the thought of the other man deep into the back of his mind. He couldn’t erase the scars—they would remain a constant reminder for the both of them of what they had survived—but he could make sure that no one else ever had the opportunity to add more.

 

     Her body was fire beneath his. Swept up in the whirlwind of his kiss, Lilah sighed and murmured his name between their lips. There was something in the way she moved against him, wearing nothing but his shirt, that triggered a primal part of his brain. All he wanted was to feel her against every inch of him...if only the rest of him felt the same. As his breath quickened, the pain in his ribs only grew. He tried to power through it, dipping his head to kiss the bruises that marred her neck, but she had felt his body tense in pain.

 

     “Bas…”

 

     “No.” He winced at how petulant he sounded, not sure how he felt when Lilah only laughed.

 

     “I’m not going anywhere,” she promised. “There’s no rush.”

 

     She was right, of course, though it did nothing for his nerves. For the first time in his life he had been presented with a fear he had no idea how to manage. There were so many things that could have gone wrong. What if he hadn’t gone to check on her? What if he hadn’t moved fast enough to protect her? She was there beside him, willing to put her faith in him after everything she had already experienced...but he’d become too aware of just how easily he could lose her.

 

     “We should probably get up soon.” Lilah sighed before burrowing herself against his chest.

 

     “Thought you weren’t going anywh— _Ow_! Don’t do that!” Sebastian laughed. Lilah’s fingers continued to pinch at his sides in retaliation. She chased after him as he wriggled away from her assault until his back hit the wall and he had nowhere else to go. His only defense was to capture her hands in his and lace their fingers to keep her at bay. He was just about to declare his victory when she pressed her lips against his knuckles, smiling a soft smile that only proved to him he’d done anything but win.

 

     “I really love your hands, you know?” She said it so suddenly and his mind went blank.

 

     “I...don’t.”

 

     “They’re always so warm.” She unlaced their fingers, running her thumb along his palm before nuzzling her cheek against it. Her eyes closed, the smile never leaving her lips. “Whenever you touch me, I feel safe. Strong. Like I can do anything.”

 

     Sebastian froze. A strange mix of emotions rolled inside his chest that made him want to hide his face and kiss her at the same time.

 

     “That’s why,” she continued, “I think I’m ready to go back.” Lilah opened her eyes, shifting her stare to meet his. The storm raging there was different now. For a while, her gaze had been calm— merely the breezeless eye of the hurricane that now ravaged her irises. He could hold onto her tightly or be blown away. There was no other option.

 

     Sebastian cradled her face in his hands. If she felt the tremble in his lips when he kissed her forehead, she didn’t mention it. He thought of the small cabin where his blood soaked into the floorboards. The chill that ran through his veins wasn’t unreasonable, but he felt foolish for its presence when faced with her intensity.

 

     “Then, let’s go,” he said.

 

     He refused to be blown away.

 

* * *

 

 

     Farming was a profession that required constant attention and effort. It was the first thing she learned when researching the best way to utilize Gramps’s farm. Knowing that, Lilah supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised when she and Sebastian arrived to find all the crops she had been tending so carefully withered away to nothing after two weeks of neglect. Crows picked at what was left, stalks of beans and berries all shriveled up and started to rot. It was almost as dismal as what she knew awaited them inside.

 

     Yellow tape blocked the door to her cabin: such a thin representation of everything that had occurred inside notated by thick black letters that read **_CRIME SCENE – DO NOT CROSS_ **. For a time, she could only stare at it. Once she removed it, it would be time to push forward. Was she strong enough? Could she start over—again?

 

     Sebastian’s hand slipped into hers. That familiar warmth burned through her skin, courage flaring to life between their palms where they pressed together. He looked down at her and nodded once in encouragement. She could do it. She could have the life she’d always wanted...and he’d be right beside her.

 

     Squeezing his hand in hers, they both reached up and ripped the tape down.


	13. A Promise of the Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USA National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)//1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
> 
> I honestly can't believe we've made it. This is the biggest project I've ever taken with fanfiction and there were honestly times that I worried I wouldn't be able to see it through. There are a lot of personal things that I put into this story, a lot more that I edited out BECAUSE it was so personal. Thank you everyone who has stuck with this story from the beginning, for your encouraging comments, for the love you show the characters. Your support has kept me going through this whole journey and I am so excited to start working on the next installment of this series.
> 
> I had originally planned some explicit sexual content for this story (as those of you from the very start may recall I had an "eventual sexual content" tag once upon a time). With the way that Bas and Lilah's relationship has been developing, I realized that this story was far too soon for them to take that leap. Honestly, if I do decide to write those chapters, I will release those stories as stand-alone installments that can be read for those that enjoy those sorts of fics without forcing them on those that aren't in it for sexual content.
> 
> Again, thank you everyone who has enjoyed this story and please remember: if you ever find yourself in a domestic violence situation, you can get out. You can get help. This is a work of fiction but the threat is very real and it is not always physical. The important thing to remember is you are a strong person. You are the master of your own life. It doesn't matter if the abuser is a girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse, sibling, or parent. No matter what they say, how they treat you, you are valuable. You are somebody worthy of love without pain or tears.
> 
> I absolutely love all of you. See you in Part 2!

     Lilah grabbed the prybar leaning against the wall and sighed. The cross-breeze through the windows didn’t do much to cool the cabin down during the afternoon and manual labor didn’t help the sweat plastering rogue strands of hair to the back of her neck. Someday she would have a proper air conditioner but she’d have to suffer until then. Luckily, the floor was almost completely torn up. There were just a few more boards to go and she’d be rid of the tainted wood for good. 

 

     Almost the entire floor of the cabin’s main room had to be replaced. Blood soaked into the wood and no matter how hard Lilah had tried to clean it, the faint stains of her boyfriend’s blood remained a permanent mark on the floor next to her bed. A few feet away was another dried splatter, haunting for all the opposite reasons.

 

     Emery had survived his wounds. A dark part of her thought that had he died, she would have set up velvet rope around the bloodstain and laughed at it every chance she got. As it stood, it had only reminded her that he was still out there. Not quite a free man—her and Bas’s statements combined with Eddie’s own account of events had him being held at an exceptionally high bond, but the knowledge that he still drew breath was enough to chill her spine every time her eyes had rested on the ruddy stain.

 

     She jabbed the prybar between the slats of the floorboards, yanking them up board by board and dragging them out to the burn pile behind the cabin. The work was repetitive—almost mind-numbing. Her thoughts wandered as she moved, not thinking of anything particularly of consequence, yet she was still shocked back to reality as the prybar sounded a hollow thump beneath her feet and held fast. Lilah kicked splintered shards of wood away and used her foot for more leverage, pressing her full weight against the tool until the wood sprang completely upright.

 

     The force sent her rocking back with a shout, almost knocking her off her feet. She caught herself before falling onto her back, eyes locking on the large square of wood standing perpendicular to the rest of the floor.

 

     “What…the hell?” 

 

     A large hole yawned in the middle of her kitchen. Old stone steps led down into a dark abyss, so deep beneath the foundation that Lilah couldn’t see the bottom. Of all the things she imagined she’d find underneath the floorboards, a trapdoor hadn’t even made the list. She wracked her brain, trying to think about what could be down in the shadows below but couldn’t bring herself to check it out.

 

     A hidden cellar, an old cabin in the woods, it was all too reminiscent of a horror movie. It was always the person that investigated that got axed by the monster in the dark and she’d had enough of monsters for one lifetime. Still, curiosity gnawed at her brain and she wondered what Gramps could have possibly stashed in the sealed up basement.

 

     “Lilah?” A familiar voice called from outside, though it seemed to bounce through the cabin and echo deep from the bottom of the stairs in a way that alerted the hair on the back of her neck. Lilah swallowed thickly and turned for the door. Sebastian was already walking through with a canvas bag on his arm, testing the foundation with one foot before stepping into the cabin proper. He took one look at the stairs and froze. “Woah…”

 

     “Tell me about it.” Lilah moved out of the way as Sebastian approached.

 

     “What’s down there?”

 

     “I don’t know. Maybe nothing,” Lilah said. She smiled weakly. “I was kind of trying to psych myself up to check it out.”

 

     “So we’re thinking the Necronomicon is hiding down there?” He grinned.

 

     “Don’t even joke. I’m not sure either of us can pull off a chainsaw hand.”

 

     “Speak for yourself. ‘Bas vs. Evil Dead’ has a nice ring to it, if you ask me.” He kissed her once and set the bag he’d brought on the counter. “Mom made lunch so I brought some down if you want to take a break,” he explained when she looked at it curiously.

 

     “A break sounds nice,” Lilah said but her eyes trailed back to the cellar door. Bas smirked at her and nodded towards the stairs.

 

     “Should we survey the dungeons of Dreadlord Xarth first?”

 

     “Hey, that’s my Gramps you’re talking about!” Lilah huffed in mock offense. He only laughed and grabbed his phone, flipping on the flashlight and holding a hand out towards her. Lilah took it without hesitation.

 

     They descended the stairs carefully, Bas leading the way with his phone's light barely illuminating the steps. There was no railing, the only support as they dived into the shadows was Bas’s hand around hers. The darkness surrounding them only granted the illusion that the cellar was a long way down—it was only about 10 steps or so before they reached the concrete floor below. A light switch rested on the wall at the final step but even before she tested it, Lilah knew it wouldn’t work. She held fast to Bas’s hand as his light scanned the area.

 

     The basement was much larger than she thought it would be—running the full length of the cabin from what she could tell. A row of wooden casks lined the wall across from the stairs. Kegs and pickling barrels, a rack of axes, pitchforks, shovels, and other tools, and some machinery that Lilah didn’t recognize littered the floor without any real organization. Most of it appeared in useable condition, much to her delight. They worked their way across the floor, maneuvering around a pile of scarecrows and storage bins full of what appeared to be stone, iron, and lumber.

 

     “The old man—I mean, your grandpa must’ve had a pretty good setup back in the day,” Bas said.

 

     “There’s so much. I wish I had known about it sooner. What’s that?” Lilah tugged his hand and led him off to the right. A work bench was pressed up against the far wall. Its surface was cluttered with papers—diagrams or blueprints that Lilah couldn’t make heads nor tails of. A thick book rested in the midst of it, leather bound and sealed shut by a silver lock on the cover. The name  _ Nicolas Elijah Casey _ was inscribed in the bottom right corner of the cover.

 

     “Holy shit.” Bas pulled her closer to his side. “You know, I was only joking about the whole Necronomicon stuff.”

 

     “So you’re saying I shouldn’t open it?” Lilah teased, reaching out and dusting off the cover. She picked it up, surprised by the weight of the thing. It reminded her more of a wizard’s spellbook than...whatever Gramps probably used it for.

 

     “I’m just saying if you do and the trees start moving, we’re hopping on the bike and never coming back.”

 

     “We? You’d still take me with you even if I started the apocalypse?”

 

     “That goes without saying.”

 

     “I think that’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.” Lilah laughed and held the book to her chest. “Come on, it’s creepy down here. Let’s go eat.”

 

     “You don’t need to tell me twice.” Bas led her back to the stairs, bracing his hand against the small of her back. She’d have the replace the lights and investigate the rest of Gramps’s possessions thoroughly. There was so much to sort through it was almost overwhelming, though she couldn’t deny she was excited to figure out just what all had been left behind.

 

     Her fingers trailed over the leather book—soft and smooth to the touch. She didn’t know what was in it, maybe it was even blank, but Gramps’s name carved elegantly in the corner warmed her heart. She barely had enough memories of him to fill less than half the book in her arms yet remembering his patient smile, hearty laughter, and shining eyes filled her with joy.

 

     Back in the kitchen, Lilah examined the lock on the cover. She wondered if they key was still buried downstairs under all the piles of bric-a-brac. In theory she could bust the lock open or just cut the covers off, but the thought of damaging the book in any way made her uneasy. She didn’t want to destroy it if she could avoid it. Lilah placed the book gingerly on her bed and rejoined Bas as he carefully shut the cellar door behind them. 

 

     “Are you sure I can’t help you finish up in here?” He asked after a quick survey of the room. The job would go a lot faster if she had help, even more so if she had agreed to let Robin take care of everything. It had been tempting but almost as soon as the idea planted itself into her head, Lilah rejected it. It was a whole new level of cruel to ask a woman to replace flooring stained by her own child’s blood. Lilah couldn’t bring herself to stoop so low.

 

     “You’re still not completely healed up,” Lilah said. “It’s not so bad as a one-person job. It’s oddly therapeutic.”

 

     “Therapeutic, huh?” He didn’t sound convinced but he smiled at her anyway. 

 

     “It kind of is. It’s nice to keep moving without having to really think about things.”

 

     “I guess I know what you mean.” Bas moved back to the counter and lifted the bag of food. “What do you say we head out to eat?”

 

     Lilah took in the war-zone that was left of her cabin and could only laugh at how unappetizing the atmosphere was.

 

     “Probably a good idea. Where did you have in mind?”

 

     Bas grinned and reached into the bag to pull out two pairs of fleece gloves.

 

* * *

 

     The mines were just as beautiful as the last time Bas invited her. Though it had barely been more than a few weeks, it felt like it had been ages since she felt the icy chill of the cold on her nose. She and Bas sat at the shore of the frozen lake, the sandwiches and salad Robin prepared had long since been eaten but Lilah couldn’t bring herself to move. Bas’s arms were wrapped snugly around her, keeping her warmer than any coat or scarf could ever hope. His lips occasionally pressed against her hair, spreading even more warmth through her from the inside. Silence stretched out through the cavern— welcome and peaceful. Bas’s whisper was almost thunderous when it broke through the quiet.

 

     “I don’t know what I’m going to do when you go back to Haven for good.”

 

     “What do you mean?”

 

     “I just…” Bas laughed sardonically and pressed his forehead into her shoulder. “Shit, I always sound so lame when I talk to you.”

 

     “I don’t think that.” Lilah tilted her head to look at his face but he kept it buried in her shoulder. She could have sworn she felt the heat of his blushing face through her coat.

 

     “I was just thinking that I like having you with me. Going to sleep with you, waking up with you...I wish you could just stay with me.”

 

     “Bas…”

 

     His arms tightened around her and he sighed, finally lifting his head to meet her eyes.

 

     “I know it’s stupid. It’s not like you’ll even be that far away. I just can’t stop thinking about how different it’ll be to not have you with me when I wake up. I don’t want you to go.”

 

     Lilah’s chest tightened. She bit her lip, rested her hands on his arms and leaned into his warmth. She mulled over her words carefully, thankful that Bas didn’t seem to take her silence as immediate rejection.

 

     “If I told you that I didn’t need to go back to Haven, it’d be a lie,” she began slowly. “That’s not to say that I haven’t been happy living with you for the last couple of weeks. Actually, I can’t remember the last time I was this happy, ignoring the circumstances.” Lilah turned in his arms, bracing her arms on his shoulders and moving to straddle his lap so he had no choice but to look her in the face. “But it’s because you make me so happy that I need to go back. I feel like, if I don’t, I’ll start to rely on you too much. I’ll be too focused on becoming the girl you want me to be that I’ll never find out who I really am.”

 

     “I don’t want you to be anyone but yourself.” Bas frowned. “Lilah, if I've done something to—”

 

     Lilah kissed him into silence.

 

     “Stop. That’s not what I meant.” She kissed him again, relishing the way his cold nose brushed along hers and the heat of their breath steamed between their bodies. “You’ve been nothing short of wonderful since we met. I’m so thankful to have you as my boyfriend, please don’t think this is anything to do with you.”

 

     When he nodded, eyes half-lidded and focused on her lips, she continued.

 

     “If we lived together permanently, I’d be too focused on you. Everything in my life would be centered around you—I’ve already caught myself doing it from time to time. I worry too much that you won’t want me anymore and I can’t feel calm unless I see you or touch you. As romantic as it sounds, I know it’s not really... _ good _ to have you be my only source of stability. It’s too much pressure to put on you and it’s not fair.” Lilah smoothed her gloved fingers along the lines off his cheekbones, taking in his features that seemed to be crafted from porcelain. His pale skin almost glowed with the light in the cavern, dark lashes and eyebrows like coal stones nestled in the snow—clearly visible but if she didn’t pay attention, she could trip over them and fall into his clear eyes.

 

     “Years ago, I thought I knew who I was. Then, I left behind everything I had known and I was completely remade from the inside out. I became someone that I still don’t recognize every time I look in the mirror—someone terrified and weak, unable to fend for herself without someone leading the way and cracking a whip. So, I need time. I want to try and find the person that I was before and bring her back...or at least figure out who I am now.”

 

     Bas was quiet for a long while. His eyes searched hers, searched all over her face, but Lilah wasn’t sure what he was looking for. Eventually, he smiled and pressed his forehead against hers, rubbing the tips of their chill-bitten noses together. 

 

     “All that talk about turning into someone weak, but you’re still a million times stronger than me,” he said. “When you put it like that, I can’t even try to argue.”

 

     “It’s okay?” 

 

     “It’s not up to me.” Bas held her tightly to his chest. “If this is what you need to do, then I don’t have a say in it. I just have to wait—no, not even that. I want to wait. I want to meet the real you too.”

 

     When they kissed, it was a promise. 

 

     There was so much she had to work on—on Haven, on herself—but she didn’t feel scared in the least. It would take time. She knew that she wouldn’t find all the answers she needed overnight but having Bas’s support made a world of difference. He would help her when she needed it, she just had to make sure she didn’t rely on his comfort too much. It was too easy to close her eyes and just lose herself in the warmth of his arms, tell herself that she was fine as long as he cared about her...but that was a one-way bus ticket to Nowhere-Fast. 

 

     She had truly been given a second chance. It was hard to imagine that she was there, safe and sound, all because she happened across that old battered lockbox in a fit of desperation. Finding that old key had given her a sense of purpose that she’d never known she had. She became brave enough to defy Emery and get a job that she knew he’d never catch a whiff of, hoard her money away like a hungry dragon and even if she hadn’t completely turned her life around because of it, she knew now that it was the first step she had to take.

 

     Buying the bus ticket was the next. Holding it in her hands had been like having liquid concrete poured into her lungs. Fear had taken hold and if the bus hadn’t shown up when it did, Lilah had a feeling that all of her hard work would have been for nothing. She had almost gone crawling back on hands and knees, prepared to take any sort of punishment that she had earned. It still chilled her how a step forward had almost been two steps back— possibly into an early grave.

 

     Yet with her face cradled by Bas’s hands, lips gently meeting while surrounded by snow, she knew that even if it meant erasing everything Emery had done, she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. She would finally sever the chains that bound her to a life of pain, fear, and uncertainty. The friends she had made, though perhaps fewer in number than most would boast about, made her feel like for once in her life, she was wanted. Cherished. Home. 

 

     Yes, it would take time. But as long as she had Bas and their friends behind her, she knew she could have the life she had been longing for all along. A life of joy, full of Abigail’s spirit, a spit-fire personality that Lilah admired from the moment they met. 

 

     A life of laughter, full of Sam’s ostentatious jokes and cheeky grins. 

 

     A life promising a future, with Bas’s secret smiles and gentle hands keeping her looking forward even when all she wanted to do was run and hide.

 

     Finding that old key had given her courage. Buying the bus ticket had bought her freedom. But it was in Stardew Valley, the people that she met in a little place called Pelican Town, that would finally give her peace.

 

     Who knew that freedom smelled like cedar and tobacco?

  
  
  
  


BURY MY HEART IN STARDEW VALLEY

PART 1

END


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